"last confession"

Words/vocals by me.
Music by the amazing band Red Light Ballroom.


(i don't wanna sleep in this bed alone)
(i don't wanna sleep in this room alone)

(wont you take me to your safety?)
(where are you?)
(where are you?)

and yeah again, here i am in this coffin bed
i thinking about all the things that you've done and said
i've scars on my fists... they're near complete
and i know 
i know it's about time to open them up
to open me up and let a little hurt out

it's the only thing that helps
it's the only way i get out
of this chamber
i'm encased and entombed by a body i can't soothe
with a mind that wont be at peace

(wont you take me to your safety?)
(is there safety anywhere with you?)

...ah i'm ok... i can relax...
oh i don't know... i'll just
breathe in, breathe out...

(when you talked)
(i believed)
(i believed it all)
(soft, so soft)

so i've been dreaming about flowers
flowers in your hair
driving into my eyes as i try to kiss that sweet spot on your neck
and everything in my head comes screaming out of my face
and i wanna protect you from it
but it suddenly becomes clear htat it was you who put it there

(and now
(i know now)
(soft)
(well i know now)
(soft)

to age
like the finest wine
and now it's at its best
it's ripe and ready
for you to dine

and what am i?
what is it that's left to me?
do i get to die, or will these pills only keep me hanging on
so i will be there for you the next time you need something
some reassurance that you're beautiful
some reassurance that you're alive
reassurance that you're a sexual creature
that someone would want you
EVERYONE wants you
everyone ALWAYS wants YOU.

and so i'm indebted to you
for reminding me
for pointing out just how unbearably unique i am
too unique to love
too unique to be there for me

(and watch me drown)
(and watch me wash away)

and i get the consolation prize
it comes in little tablets
little pills
i get to be ill and you get to be free
free to drink up all that you can steal from the world
while i rot in this bed of dead fantasies...
...most of which were YOUR creation.

(i know)

i wanted beautiful things, i swear
all i've ever really wanted was the simple pleasures of a man
and a a woman
but it seems that i asked a little too much
and now the god that i don't believe in

(i know that i am nothing)
(i am nothing)

has once again brought down his palm upon my bleeding flesh
to reward me

(beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat beat!)

(follow me down)
(follow me down)
(follow me down)
(follow me down)
(follow me down)

to reward me with further feelings
feelings of love, dedication, sadness
and i don't want it any more
i don't want these feelings in my chest
in my lungs
in my beaten and raped little heart that will only ever bleed
for people like YOU instead of beating with relief and ecstacy
for a kind and gentle lover
that everyone swears is really out there waiting for me!

(follow me down)
(follow me down)
(follow me down!)

nice boys are hard to find...
...because girls kill them.