nastiness begets nastiness, Brielle

thanks to "able" and others... i bring you a cross posting from myfuckingspace blog:

Monique Junot, as she's currently going by on MySpace.com, is a FRAUD of a person.

Yes, YOU, Brielle.

Also known as KußßKußß or Brialala (on OKC which she deleted) or Brie or Brielle or ZombiePussay on AIM, or ironauricle on tumblr, 0grebattle on LiveJournal, or as countless other fake identities on countless other online communities where she bashes people who are uncool, chats with people who want to get into her pants but pretend to be friends or who act like she's cool, friends that she will disrespect and trash when she feels her own life is of more importance, etc; she likes to post fake arguments with her ex or other guys and lies on a punkrock forum, argue with people for the sake of being right or just plain makes fun of anything and anyone because of how insecure she is.

She is excellent at self portraiture. Don't let her beauty pull you in. She will talk about respect, honesty, self awareness, openness and all the good stuff... but displease her for a second and she'll get angry and run away with some snide remark prior to leaving the room. Displease her and she might even just vanish off the face of the earth and leave you in the dust without knowing what her cause or reason is. The best you'll get is "it's none of your business what i do with my life" no matter how close you thought you were or she said you were. No matter what you've done for her. She cannot handle conflict or emotional vulnerability.

She seemingly can't tell the difference between messages sent automatically by subscription systems and messages sent by YOU, INTENTIONALLY TO HER. (it doesn't help that GMAIL says "From Dysamoria to ME" instead of "Updated Blog Notice"). The more upset she is with something in her personal life, the more likely you are to piss her off unknowingly with something either personal or harmless... because she thinks you're attacking her (see above) or she hasn't told you that she's having personal problems. She clams up and doesn't communicate but you will suffer the costs.

She is very intelligent, skilled, very beautiful and great in bed... unless she's having a bad day/week/month. Then she hates everything, everyone and anything She values having a job over having close friends and lovers and is insecure about employment. She has poor reading comprehension and little tolerance or empathy for people different from her (i cried in her lap for hours because she just got up, said something crude and walked off during a conversation and it didn't mean shit to her how hurt i was by her actions - because i had dared talk over her, JUSTIFYING her childish and elite behavior as if she is all proper and prim - somehow i'm ALWAYS the asshole; YOU will ALWAYS be the asshole). In fact, she doesn't seem to have any emotions other than anger or fear and fear she will try to hide.

"Close friends" means fuckbuddy. All as soon as she finds a better alternative to you or goes into one of her superiority complex modes or thinks you've "disrespected her" - SHE WILL ERASE YOU FROM HER LIFE. She will block you, delete accounts, and erase you from her flickr/tumblr photo collections, web presences, ignore your phone calls and voice messages and SMS messages. She will ignore or erase or ban your postings. She will tell her friends how horrible you are so that you cannot get responses from THEM either if you ask for explanations for her treatment of you.

Don't bother with her. she is a great case of Borderline Personality Disorder, or worse. She can't be changed. She doesn't want to change. She will tell you things that make it sound like she's self aware but she's irrational when it comes down to the fine print or stress. Don't miss the subtle indicators that she knows she's cruel and hurtful. Don't think you can change her. You can't.

i made the mistake of believing in her and tried to kill myself when she treated me like dirt on the phone after a week of complete silence and being ignored. why? because after 3+ months of being together, i thought i mattered to her. She even said i did. i thought she cared. because i bonded to her. because i liked her and her dog and cats and her love of animals (her dog Hank has a profile here, too).
stupid fucking me for caring.

And YES, i am outing you, BRIELLE. You said you STUCK BY YOUR FRIENDS but you don't. You insult them and ignore them when it's convenient for you. You warned that to cross you is a bad thing... well FUCK YOU, i'm sick of assholes fucking me over just like you've done. i may be a male but i fucking have a heart, too, you heartless jerk.


and, i add, why do i keep allowing women into my life that behave like this? judy? dana? elise?

You tell me "i don't want to end up another one of those names of women you hate on your blog..." and the easy answer is DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE!

"i don't want this to end in a negative way" she said, insincerely and then ERASED ME.

victim mentality

Maybe a subtitle could be "anti-social personality disorder, revisited." This is an extract from an earlier article i wrote called "Do Sociopaths Deserve Humane Treatment?"

Victim Mentality. The oft cited and rarely defined term that i shall define and cite for you myself.

Definition: blaming the victim for being one.
Citation: those enraged by being sought out as a target for hate and anger (actively or passively).

Sociopaths are people with an anti-social personality disorder. This, boiled down, means that a group of them cannot form healthy and productive societies because their very behavioral patterns are against the needs of the group and for their own benefit (including when they appear to be socio-conscious in order to appear perfectly normal and respectable).

The very right to be enraged or even hurt at the actions of another make you a bad person in the eyes and minds of the majority.

Example:

If someone walks into the room and denounces your work ethic to a bunch of your co-workers, several times a week, while you're not around to witness it and defend yourself on the spot or call out your accuser to prove his or her statements or back down... you've just been violated. An act of social and psychological violence has been made against you.

"I don't play the victim mentality role. It doesn't matter what people think, just how good a job you do!"

Sorry, but you are just as much a victim as if your boss walked into your office or cubical and pushed a knife into your chest without provocation. Sidelining again, what kind of provocation would justify that response?? Were you socially and psychologically tormenting your boss by spreading fear, uncertainty and doubt among every member of the workplace to the point that your boss was being shunned, joked about, and at risk of losing his life-sustaining income by losing job simply because you felt it was totally harmless to do smart-ass gossiping because you feel intimidated by his work experience?

It matters what people think of you if they control, socially, your accessibility to the pursuit of success, or even happiness.

True Victims do not choose themselves. It is not shameful to be a victim.

Victimizers choose their victims. Most often by way of jealousy and self-esteem issues. They seek those who they feel are not a threat to them. Those they feel they can control or with whom they can control the situation and the perception of events. This is shameful.

True shameful "victim mentality" is justifying your inhumane, cruel and violent actions by saying "He/she did this-and-that to me, so I am responding in kind. If others get in my way, that's just too bad. It's not like I'm targeting anyone innocent."

True "victim mentality" is "I'm going to be rude, cold and judgmental to you because that's what everyone has done to me my whole life. Why should I be sensitive to YOU when no one was sensitive to ME??"

THAT, is what shameful "victim mentality" is. Point your fingers, and knives where they belong.

Who's doing the pointing, anyway? In who's best interest might it be to make victimization into something the victim should be shameful and held responsible for?

The victimizers. The one's who have control over the situation and over you. Victimizers are the ones who devised the concept that being a victim is "your own damn fault." It's in their best interest that you be "ashamed for letting it happen to you." As though to defeat rational observation (and discussion) of true cause and effect, they seek to make the effect have no cause but itself.

"You worked with him before, so why would you work for him again if he's so bad??"

Yes, that one is DIRECTLY from my OWN personal experience. The complacent gossipers and the ignorant and naive bystanders trying to cover up the "unbelievable" fact that they have missed something and that they think you want special treatment (or have been getting it). The people who were not (yet) victims of the sociopathic victimizer. The ones who were once victims themselves but failed to escape and chose to find a pariah of their own. Or several. The people who hate you and victimize you for reminding them of how it feels to be victimized.

There are entire cults who rant against the slaughter and immorality of World War II and human slavery. Cult? i don't mean to suggest that the people who find these things objectionable are the cult members; i mean that there are actually people who find it A BOTHER that these things are still discussed and that they must be such a burden since "hey, man, it's not like i killed any jews or had any slaves, so leave me alone."

"Those who forget the past are destined to repeat it" (misquote)

This isn't philosophy. This is concrete reality. This is human behavior on the macro and microscopic level. From the individual to the group mind.

The the most critical concept to understand here is on the macro level: the individual victimizer and his or her victim. The way they propagate by leading one victim after another down the path of becoming victimizer. A victimizer is a much more aggressive person on certain fronts and are much better at holding on to what little they believe is theirs.

The more sociopaths are allowed to shape the world around them to best suit their own interests (not the interests of the group, the society or the species), the more damage they do (to the society) and the more sociopaths they CREATE.

You've heard the rhetoric about what growing up in a war zone, or in prison, or being a child of molestation creates: it creates a replication of the stimuli. The victim becomes hardened from constant assaults. A hostile environment creates a defensive individual. Constant exposure to hostility turns defensiveness into hostility. Hostility acts outwardly against those who appear to be the cause of the hostile environment... or maybe anyone... because "HE didn't stop it from happening" and "SHE didn't tell the boss about the gossip about me."

A hostile and toxic environment creates a hostile and toxic person. It can do nothing else. You either harden or you weaken. Those who weaken are frequently used by other people as a comparison or consolation agent; to ease their own suffering or make it pale in comparison. What better way to make your problems pale in comparison to someone else's than by MAKING someone else's problems worse?

Yes, you may think it's all fun and games. Harmless talk. Chit chat. Gossip. Play. Ribbing.

Play leads to exhaustion. Exhaustion leads to lowered stamina. Lowered stamina leads to sensitivity. Sensitivity leads to vulnerability. Vulnerability leads to being damaged by "lesser offenses." And in the end, you have victimizers, formerly victims, pointing fingers at the lesser victims; the ones they can pick at and NOT be brought to justice.

Human beings exposed to toxic experiences during their developmental stages very often become "rugged" or "tough" as a defensive mechanism. It's automatic part way, but then it also becomes part of the personality. That's when it becomes choice. Many people at this point choose to "take it like a man/woman" and "give as good as they get" ...

.. but on the inside... they're rotting out and becoming a shell of armor which protects a wounded child that never grew up and never learned appropriate and healthy ways of defending or avoiding the toxic and hostile experiences. These people end up with Borderline Personality Disorder.

BPD.

Anyone reading me on a regular basis knows that i struggle with the understanding that those who have abused me have become abusive because they themselves were abused. i empathize with these people because i know suffering well enough. At first, they like this. Later, they feel vulnerable because i see and know too much. Then i become a threat. To their egos. Their "hearts." Their agendas.

A person with BPD still can make distinctions between good and bad behavior. i've seen it demonstrated many times by many people with the condition. They admit to feelings of guilt. The problem is, they feel guilt because they know what they have done is harsh, cruel, rude, or just plain wrong... but they never learned how to empathize with those they have hurt. Most likely, no one empathized with their own suffering as it was forming their defense mechanisms years previous.

But they KNOW. They CAN distinguish the difference. They can CHOOSE to take an active role in their behavior patterns if they see value in it.

The value, ideally, should be "because it's best for everyone."

The value, more often in the real world is "so i can have friends and keep jobs."

It's still a value.

But some people choose an even more selfish and cold value for external self-control:

POWER.

"i
w a n t !"

Who wants power the most? Those who feel they have been powerless. Those who have had so much done to them beyond their control.

People with BPD naturally seek connection to and with other human beings. They also defensively seek control. Control over the interactions with others and the perceptions of them by others. If the satisfaction of the human connection eases the fears that demand control, these people can move towards a much better life.

A better path than those who get no satisfaction at all from connection to other human beings.

Anti-social personality disorders. That's what we're talking about. Personalities that work against the collective good and which tear apart the fabric of society and human connection.

When the only motivation left for someone with BPD is to seek power and control over everything and anything... they have stepped into sociopathy.

When the politics of the current Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of psychiatric disorders dictate obedience and subservience to certain rules, process and procedure in order for you to pursue your goals, your definitions and your rights, who is going to actively fight a system designed to protect itself? The DSM is, itself, a victim of victim mentality. Over extension. Over indulgence. The scientific method is abused this way and so too the "mental health system."

So, to repeat myself: i reduce the great, grand DSM down to what it really is: politics. i say a redundant "fuck you" to the DSM and i continue with my questions to you:

Is there a way back from the brink for a sociopath?

Should energy and time be spent seeking it?

Do sociopaths deserve that effort?

Is there a point at which we stop defining a sociopath as a victim and start defining them as nothing more or better than a weapon gone out of control?

Do you murder murderers?

If yes, do you execute sociopaths for the deeper, wider-ranging and longer lasting toxic effects they have on entire social structures?

You try to filter "criminals" out of society, but what do you do about the anti-social people who have no interest in society or who actively seek to control and manipulate it? Do you try to filter them out of society?

Most likely you don't even notice them.

Some of you might be becoming one of them right now... growing harder, colder, more selfish, more power-hungry, more obsessed with control and "having it YOUR WAY."

Maybe you're already one of them, looking at my blog and telling me how insufferable i am. Labeling my few supporters as "goons" and giving them other labels that essentially suggest i am a cult leader and they my mindless followers. i call bullshit on you. You're insecure. You couldn't express what you felt when you felt these things. That's when you choose to vote for charity to known sociopaths: you chose to protect your own interests. So you lash out at those who look familiar. Familiar as victims and victimizers.

Yourself.

You the victim and you the victimizer.

Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion

Regarding: something published and apparently ignored since February 1, 1996
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 13 No. 2: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/54831

"Written by Robert D. Hare, Ph.D. Dr. Hare, who has researched psychopathy for more than 25 years, is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, and was scientific director of a 1995 NATO Advanced Study Institute on Psychopathic Behavior."

i wanted to introduce the topic of Sociopathy vs. Psychopathy into the materials present in Dr. Robert Hare's writing (both his articles found on the web, such as http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html and his own website and writings in print).

His article at http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html is near excellent in defining some very vital reasoning on why confusion of ASPD and Psychopathy is a terrible problem. Yet, i see a terrible problem in the lack of mention of Sociopathy.

The DSM not only lumps ASPD with Psychopathy, but also does the same with Sociopathy. Sociopathy and Psychopathy ARE Anti Social Personality Disorders. More so, they DIFFER in perceptually small yet effectively VAST ways.

i was very excited to find the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout. i was confused when a friend read the book and found it lacking my own personal differentiation between sociopathy and psychopathy. i examined the parts she cited and felt she was indeed correct. i had lead her to a book that does not go where i thought it did and where i have been going very frequently in my attempts to educate others.

i have since located some web-based material called "The Psychopath Next Door" which is reportedly Martha Stout's website (which looks outdated and does not indicate her name). The information on this page seems VERY similar to her book. It occurred to me that the process of formalizing her writing on the topic had forced her to change from the subject of Psychopathy to Sociopathy because the people she was writing about were not murderers, cult leaders or other such common psychopathic actions. It is fortunate that she changed terms before publishing the book, but unfortunate that it does not do near as well a job as my own talks with people to define the difference between the two labels.

Most importantly, i think it is VITAL that all of this information be brought back into public discussion, form part of whatever processes involved in producing the next (unfortunately biblically followed) DSM edition, and CLARIFIED to eliminate the confusion that is growing more and more rampant.

i have a personal motivator here. i was harassed, intimidated and abused by several sociopaths. To my knowledge, they are not psychopaths. Their ASPD stops at the point where they attempt to preserve their social status and maintain their adherence to the majority of laws and social rules that would have them filtered out of society, should they break those rules and laws. i have no interest in "protecting" these people in any way (i would love to see sociopaths filtered out of society just as psychopaths tend to filter themselves out after committing crimes), but i DO see a neurological connection to two neurological/psychiatric items that do NOT deserve to be lumped into the same category as psychopaths:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder. This is largely a defensive mechanism of the human mind in response to extensive and intolerable amounts of mental (and often physical) abuse. Most typically observed in females from teenage to about 35, is the claim of much material on BPD. Noted is the "mysterious growing out of it" effect that i have read about in several published materials on BPD. i find this irresponsible and i "see" what is likely happening: BPD leads to sociopathy, if not treated, cared for or otherwise halted in its tracks.
   
   
2. BPD appears to be a VERY common comorbidity of autistic neurology in the later years (between teens and mid 30s).

You see the process i am illustrating?

High Functioning Autistic neurology leads to much social (and often physical abuse) through the "growth years" and the comorbid condition of BPD establishes a strong hold to preserve the mental integrity of the individual. A worst case scenario leads to the terminal point of BPD transitioning into Sociopathy.

In case you cannot predetermine my personal bias here, i am autistic.

My autism spectrum label would most likely be Asperger's Syndrome, but the longer i continue to combat "the system" as an individual, and combat sociopaths and "professionals," the more i am forced to wonder if i am something slightly higher functioning than the high functioning AS individual. My self awareness and intelligence has made me feel rather alienated by those AS persons i have encountered in AS communities and the "professionals" refuse to recognize me as BEING on the autism spectrum (because apparently they do not grasp that austistic children eventually GROW UP with or without a diagnosis). i did not have a diagnosis of anything until about a year ago when i pursued the diagnosis of AS through independent research and a rough time locating professionals who could see beyond their traditionally myopic perspective of only working with children.

AS, and autism in general, has many features that are similar to the criteria for ASPDs and many are perceived to BE antisocial. Worse, it seems to me, from my own personal research and experience, autistic neurology is a potential catalyst for becoming an antisocial person, a "Borderliner," Sociopath or psychopath. The determining factors seem to be nurture (positive or negative) and self awareness (though that lucidity of self awareness is questionable in terms of how it comes about and whether it can be taught or learned).

My point: Sociopaths are more dangerous than psychopaths. They do not get filtered out of society because, as many have stated, the "dog eat dog" aspects of "modern society" seem to encourage it and getting "ahead" in society seems to be enabled by the traits of sociopathy. Also, i know MANY persons with AS and BPD. None of them deserve the mistaken presumption or sloppy and incorrect diagnosis of Sociopathy or Psychopathy.

The DSM needs to be moved drastically into a "spectral" format instead of solid on and off bipolar determination. i am hoping that interaction from people such as myself with people such as the professionals "in the business" (especially those who are authoring books and being read by other professionals and students of the topics he presents) will eventually lead to a healthier DSM and better diagnostic results from the "professionals" who use the DSM as the end-all be-all bible of "mental health."

The mind is the brain. The brain is the mind. Knowing how it works, and why it works in the ways it does, is the best route to a healthier human species and human societies.

Thank you for reading this rather long message. i would like to send a copy to Dr. Robert Hare, but the website indicates a postal address only for personal correspondence. i hope that this message is a little of both; please do forward this message to him if that is possible. Otherwise, i will have to use the postal service.

-jace cavacini
dysamoria (at) dysamoria dot com
http://dysamoria.com

do you mean it?

people have a lot of trouble- nowait- problems with that concept.

you're allowed to change your mind about wanting fries with that, but not about throwing away $300 worth of plane tickets because "i changed my mind" and the equivocal "i didn't mean it, or i don't mean it any more." More precisely, "i never said anything that wasn't emotionally valid at the time." [corrected]

oh, great murder defense, there Elise Brown.

"Elise Brown for [government office]! You think that dude with the frankenstein monster head was a waffler... WHOAH BOY!!"

you get to change your mind about what today's wardrobe is going to be, not about how much you care about someone after telling them all kinds of promises. you don't get to ignore them, then make them tiny because you fucked something up on your end and can't own up to it.

do i mean what i say? most of the time, yeah. i'm compulsively-honest. if not, i have to play a role. i can't play roles with people i know for very long. do i mean it when i talk about being dead? do people mean it when they wish George W were dead? somehow it's illegal to actually voice either, but you know people mean it, even if they don't say it. just like i've learned to find out what people are saying when they're not talking, or what they're saying underneath their false talk. underneath their lies and their body language.

i see so much you will never even consider.

when you lie, cheat, steal, backstab, redirect, revise, "forget" and all those other things you so-called "normal" people do all day, every day, all week, every week of the month, all the months of the year.

you're liars. in one way or another, you're liars. when i lie, i tell about it and apologize. when YOU lie, you cover it up.

COWARD.

i mean it.

dicks and pussies. that's all that matters in this world. "i saw yer dick on duh innernet."

and don't forget jenni's gianormously hugestroisities call BOOBIES.

titties.

them too.

this is the only part of this blog entry you understand isn't it?

THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE ME DICK!

PEOPLE AREN'T OWED CURB CUTS
OR CRUTCHES, OR HANDICAPPED ACCESS OF ANY KIND
PEOPLE AREN'T OWED WHEELCHAIR ACCESS
THEY AREN'T OWED DICK
PEOPLE AREN'T OWED SPECIALCARE
WHEN BORN WITH DISABILITIES
THEY'RE NOT OWED DICK
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IS A JOKE
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE DICK
NOT TO THE BLIND
NOT TO THE DEAF
NOT TO THE MUTE
NOT TO THOSE WITH SPINA BIFIDA
NOT TO THE PARALLIZED, RAPED OR ABUSED
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE DICK
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT YOURSELF
AND IF YOU LOSE, SO FUCKING WHAT. LIFE'S A BITCH, YOU DICK.
FUCK BRAILLE
FUCK CRUTCHES
FUCK HANDICAPPED CAR SPOTS
FUCK LOW BAND TELLER WINDOWS
FUCK MIDGETS
FUCK ABUSE VICTIMS
FUCK VEGETARIANS
FUCK VEGANS
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU SHIT
FUCK TTY MACHINES FOR THE DEAF
FUCK DEAF PEOPLE
FUCK CHILDREN WITH DOWN SYNDROME
FUCK BABIES THAT WOULD NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT MEDICAL INTERVENTION
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE THEM DICK
FUCK AFRICAN AMERICANS
THE EMPLOYMENT WORK DOESN'T OWE THEM DICK
FUCK CEREBRAL PALSY
CYSTIC FIBROSIS
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS
FUCK ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE
FUCK PEOPLE BORN WTH AUTISM
DOWN'S SYNDROME
FUCK ELEVATORS FOR THE LAZY
FUCK AUTOMATIC DOORS FOR THE SAME
FUCK HANDICAPPED SPOTS, THE LAZY FUCKS
FUCK PEOPLE WITH AIDS
FUCK PEOPLE WITH FIBROMYALGIA
FUCK PEOPLE WITH DEAD TWINS
FUCK PEOPLE WITH DIABETES, THEY DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE
FUCK DYSLEXIA, IT'S A BUNCH OF BBULLSHIUT JUST LIKE THE REST OF THIS SHIT
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU OR ME DICK
NONE OF US DESERVE DICK. NONE OF US DESERVE TO LIVE

http://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&safe=off&q=%22TYPE+OF+DISABILITIES%22&btnG=Search

FUCK THE WOLD.
I DON'T WANT IT.
NEVER ASKED FOR IT
BUT I MUST LIVEIN IT
OR BE PUNISHED
PUNISHED FOR ENDING
MY MISERY

IT'S ALL MY FAULT
JUST LIKE EVERY ONE ABOVE
IT'S ALL THEIR OWN FAULT
THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE THEM DICK

make amends or i'm killing myself

(ADDED STUFF BELOW)
Kutztown University, will jefferson, sharon picus, margaret devlin, HR, the "Office of Social Equity," the Union and several other managerial and Union-related people destroyed my ability to lead a normal life:

• jefferson discriminated against me based on age (youth) and disability (autism).
  
• jefferson harassed me with passive-aggressive obstruction of my work, direct verbal abuse and defamation of my character and work ethic to my coworkers and management.
  
• jefferson threatened me not to speak with the union about conflicts with him.
  
• management (devlin and HR) refused to do their jobs when the abuse was brought to their attention.
  
• management (devlin and HR) harassed me directly by defamation of me to my coworkers, union and other management.
  
• HR harassed me by sending me away from work to be "examined by a psychiatrist," which was totally playing along with jefferson's fraudulent claim/defamation of me to HR and coworkers.
• management did nothing when it was made clear that jefferson was behaving with oppressive, harassing and aggressive behavior that coworkers sensed as disconcerting indicators of potential violence against me.
  
• the union did nothing to assist or advise me.
  
• a union representative advised me against filing a grievance because "it probably wont accomplish anything."
  
• another union representative advised me to "play along with management" because he'd been through a similar situation (he was brought up on drug use charges, i was being harassed by fraudulent claims made by jefferson to campus security).
  
• another union representative told me "management protects its own."
  
• the union did not represent or defend me when i was brought under charges of potential safety risk due to jefferson's fraud.
  
• the union made declarations of investigation that were not followed through with.
  
• the union management made declarations to investigate and did nothing but allow HR to waste the 15-day statute of limitations on filing grievances.
  
• the union management refused to respond to emails and phone calls.
  
• the university eliminated my job by declaring that i resigned when i had NOT done so, two days before xmas holiday.
  
• the university, the union and all people mentioned clearly acted in their own personal and managerial best interests and for their own convenience and never once attempted to resolve the real cause of the problems where they started from day one: will jefferson!

i am living in hell on earth:

• i cannot eat properly because of medications, stress, anxiety and a failing nervous system.
  
• i cannot get slow-wave sleep so my mental facilities are disintegrating.
  
• i have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, paranoia and am developing BPD in response to the abuse i've received.
  
• i have nightmares/hallucinations instead of sleep.
  
• i am extremely suicidal and feel that i have NO legal rights, protection, accommodation or even people to believe me.
  
• i am looked at as a leech on society by disability and welfare by way of continuously decreasing allotments for food and medical treatment.
  
• i am on medications that make me ill with side effects which require other medications, all of which have become physical addictions because of the nature of the medications. i can't get off of them without going through health-risking withdrawal.
  
• AmeriHealth Mercy refuses me access to the one medication that might help with my sleep disorder.
  
• i am isolated, my credit has been destroyed, i'm lonely, and no one has done ANYTHING to the criminals to have brought my life to this point.
  
• my family is suffering because of attempting to assist me while they are already suffering their own problems.

No pill and no platitudes will ever rectify the real cause of all of these problems:

MY HUMAN RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED AND NO ONE WHO'S RESPONSIBILITY IT IS TO DEAL WITH THAT FACT WILL DO SO. I AM IGNORED, DISCARDED, MARGINALIZED, REFUSED AND HARASSED BY HAVING A DIAGNOSED DISABILITY WHICH HAS BECOME 100 TIMES WORSE BECAUSE OF ABUSE FROM MY FORMER EMPLOYER, KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY.

I WANT COMPENSATION OR I WANT DEATH. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE.


The Evidence, the Story, the Whole Truth


Christine said (on myspace):

You want compensation from whom? Perhaps you will receive it in another form, that is if you are open to it and to your future. We will all die soon enough. Now is not your time Jace. We did not determine our birth so the natural order of things is that we should not determine our death either. No person should ever have that much say in anothers death, unless of course society dictates it as a punishment for heinous crimes. Yet if no one should rightfully harm you, why should you harm yourself? Ok i know i am speaking from a mostly rational standpoint here. Yet i do believe that this is the standpoint that allows us the most freedom. As emotions, although they have their role and we cant exist without them, well they are unpredictable, one day you may feel like dying and the next you feel like living. So theyre not a reliable source for reference in taking action in our own lives and the lives of others. We must balance both reason and emotion, and by so doing come up with viable solutions that will impact our lives for the greater good for ourselves and others. I want to feel triumphant in my life. Not to win so much, but just to laugh and be happy..to always have the heart of a child and never allow bitter roots to strangle it out. If we can laugh in the midst of our experience then we know we are gonna be ok. People need support when they are sad. I hope you will continue to receive enough support from the people that do care for you, so that you are able to let go of the suicide idealations. Only you can do this Jace, you know this. It is not a positive mindset to want to do this, so it can not so much be of benefit until you turn it into a postive in your life. Perhaps you can help others at some point as you will be able to wholeheartedly relate to anyone who has desires to take their life. This can be done yet Jace, you need support though it from your friends. Hope today gives you more rest and peace.

Posted by Christine on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 7:27 AM

i replied:

the heart of a child... something i was not allowed to have... i have my Legos... i have my classic Doctor Who... but i have no one to share these things with ... so i am still isolated when trying to enjoy those things. i do photography... but it's just of me. i have no one else to do it with. music: no one to share it with. people don't even like my music. i mean, that's fine if it's not their thing, but it's just another place where i'm alone.

i feel like dying every single day. especially now. i want to be as good as possible to those i care for, but in the end, they will find that i've served my purpose and they will move on. i feel like dying every day because i'm tired of what my life IS and has always been.

who do i want amends from?

The STATE.

even elise.

But mostly KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY AND THE STATE OR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

i want my LIFE back. i FOUGHT to have that life. i EARNED it and it was STOLEN FROM ME in ways that violate my human rights and laws. i DESERVE to have compensation but i have no MONEY to seek it actively.

So i'm sick and i'm tired of being sick and i'm tired of being... just this.

i have so much more that i could be if it were allowed. i was there, doing it and i was horribly VIOLATED. it is more than the loss of a job or a girlfriend. MY LIFE WAS ACTIVELY DESTROYED. jefferson is the guy who introduced my to my realtor Bob Berner (a great guy)... and then, when i was in the process of buying my house, jefferson actually talked to my best co-worker about how "jace is just a kid. he doesn't know what he's doing... if he wants to go bankrupt that's his fucking problem." The man sought to ruin what i was accomplishing out of his own HATE of me for being what i am at my age when HE WASN'T what he wanted to be at my age, or didn't get to be what he WANTED to be at my age. He has several times given me "i [this or that] when i was your age. the military straightened me out... " etc.

I WAS TARGETED AND DESTROYED BY A SOCIOPATH. I WANT COMPENSATION FOR THIS CRIME.

Posted by dysamoria on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 5:07 PM

takeout only

i can't ignore the world's demands

but it sure as hell ignores my needs

why sociopaths are cruel / why borderliners are so needy

"why are sociopaths cruel?"

the answer may be the same as the answer to the question(s):

"why are borderliners so needy? (or, why are they often serial monogamists?)"

i propose a very simple neurological hypothesis that you educated people will dismiss out of hand:

Chemical tolerance to serotonin and oxytocin (two neurotransmitters known to deal with short term and long term feelings of love, empathy and the control of obsessive compulsive traits).

It's simple: once you've been in enough situations where your body generates huge amounts of "love chemicals," only to have the source stimuli taken away toxically, you develop an addiction to the chemicals AND an aversion to the stimuli. Love is itself an addiction or OCD behavior. The more experiences you have with the stimuli coming AND GOING, the more tolerance you develop to the chemicals and their stimuli. The stimuli needs to be more powerful each time until you no longer get a response to it at all. Persons with BPD need more thrills to get the chemical high (see my blog entry titled "The Romanticized Drama of the Endgame"). Sociopaths are simply immune to the stimulus (except for extraordinary situations, such as when will jefferson had his car accident and acted like a human being for about a week and a half before becoming even worse than he was previously).

In both cases, there is no treatment unless the subject is intellectually willing and able to accept the facts and use intellect to attempt to compensate for behavioral training. Many people with BPD are right on the edge of losing that ability. i've known several women who seemed very self aware only to find that they couldn't act on their knowledge. i would imagine the case is worse for those who are totally sociopathic. Someone with BPD WANTS a better existence. Someone who's sociopathic is pathologically incapable of seeing that their existence is flawed and that they should do anything about it (everyone else is the problem, which is the declaration of most of us who have been fucked over by sociopaths and borderliners... takes one to make one, right?).

Once again, i tell you there is a connection and a CLEAR and DOCUMENTABLE PATH from autistic-spectrum disorders to Borderline Personality Disorder to Sociopathy.

Now go look at a third party who has made some similar connections (though, not as similar as i would like, why must i be a trail blazer that is ignored as ignorant??)... not the same topic, but it will serve as my REFERENCE for those of you who seem to require references in order to believe anything i say:

Read here

(thanks, Carla and Sairuh for pointing me back to things i'd discussed and thought about before but forgot about)

That's all the documentation and citation i'm giving you. i've asked doctors to work with me on doing actual research studies to validate theories of mine while they use me as a research subject and a partner and they've refused. So fuck you if you want something more academic. Click on my labels and read my other postings about sociopathy and BPD. Then do you own fucking work... and ultimately forget where the idea came to you, just like i know it will happen when the truth finally starts to seep into the minds of the collective "medical establishment." Hopefully i'll be long dead by then.

this IS the dystopia

Those of you waiting for the apocalypse or for dystopia to come knocking on your door are wearing peril-sensitive sunglasses; this IS the apocalypse. It's happening now. Every day. Every moment of each day.

We live in a "nation" divided almost in half:

• those that are intolerant racists/sexists/etc. and those who pretend not to be.
• people who do things for themselves only and those who pretend to care about others.
• them that never follow through on promises and them that come up with excuses not to.
• sociopaths that wear masks of normality and sociopaths becoming psychopaths.

We're coming towards a new "presidential voting" time where the ruling "party" that's been destroying family values (while talking about conserving them) are likely to remain in power during the next round because the "party" opposing them have chosen a woman and a non-white as their potential candidates. It almost seems designed to leave the sociopathic republic in power while being able to say "See!! SEE!!?? They're sexist racists!! How dare they do this to OUR country!"

It isn't "our country." This "country" belongs to corporations. This country belongs to the intellectually, emotionally and socially ignorant and inept. This country belongs to the complacent, the old, the cruel, the wealthy and the indifferent. This country is slowly passing on ownership to the children it has manufactured to be JUST LIKE THEIR PREDECESSORS!

This isn't even a country at war with itself. It's not fighting itself. It habitually behaves as its told and acts with response to stimuli. There's no revolution, no civil war, no dissent.

In this "country," people who know you the least are telling you who you are. People who know themselves the least are plugging their ears and burying their heads when they act with selfishness and anti-social behavior. In this "country," this collection of cranky and bitter sibling countries (wrongly referred to as "states"), we citizens are expected to not think. We're expected to not demand protection of our "rights" as they've been defined by those who withhold them.

We're not allowed to show the slightest bit of honest emotion.

We are expected to never get angry, regardless of the cause and reason.

This is the way the world ends, kids. Not with nook-yoo-lar bombs. The world ends, bit by bit, second by second, day by day as people remain complacent, learning how to have no rights and no property by decades of attrition. The world ends generation by generation as the elderly pass on their hate of the young and demand the same social foolishness that made them miserable and hateful.

This is the world ending, quietly, under the weight of your finger tips as you rant uselessly on a blog, under the weight of your ass as you watch television and are told what to think, under the weight of your complacent ignorance which terrorizes the few who think, feel and make active decisions.

This is YOUR world and you've made out of it what you have by doing NOTHING progressive or even ACTIVE.

As your world disintegrates under the weight of your selfishness, MY world is being retroactively aborted while shouting "Autism Awareness!" on billboards and bumper stickers. MY world is never to be. My world never had a chance and will never have a hope. MY world is the detritus that you leave behind for me and my mutant peers of unwealthy, disabled (by you), former middle-class losers that you have beaten and abused with your "this is just the way it is" and your "a lawyer costs [this] much in order to try fighting to protect your [god/state/federal] given rights."

Bend down, fall to your knees and pray to your gods that you may continue to reap all that you and your parents have sown until the day you die. Pray that you can hold on to the benefits of your complacency before those benefits are forgotten and history is rewritten by the corporate warriors, soldiers of legal fortune and mercenaries who's services can be retained for the right fees.

Pray that you don't live long enough to fight the battles my kind have already lost (winning lip service is an anti-victory). Pray that you die before you are held accountable by those who rewrite the rewritten history, looking to put blame anywhere but on the shoulders of the giants who dominate this corporate monster known as "The United States of America." Pray that you die before there is no more nation, or, gods forbid, blood is actually spilt en mass, by enough thousands of organized individuals for the term "civil war" to be suggested (and then tossed aside as the federal military fires upon the citizens which pay it to build weapons and provide it thrones to rule from).

Pray that you never have to live a life where the body is forced to live on after the will to live has been long since murdered.

Oh, you do that already. Those people are called the ignorant elderly and they entertain themselves by abusing disabled people.

THIS is the apocalypse. YOUR apocalyse. No zombies. No massive dollopse of ketchup. No invasions from aliens (terrestrial or non). Rarely a bomb or a bullet fired on "home soil..." it's such a damn shame letdown of an apocalypse, isn't it?

Damn you for what you've made of my world that never will be and my life that never was meant to be.

elderly abusing disabled people??

"Elder Abuse" is a term to describe the abuse of elderly people. This can occur in the home (by relatives or outpatient-care nurses) or in group homes for the elderly (by employees). It's a terrible- no- horrible problem. Often these abused persons have no way of seeking help. Who would believe the "crazy old person" when telling tales of otherworldly treatment in a facility designed to care for elders when they need assistance?

It's all too true and all too real.

To make matters worse, there's another way of using the word "elderly" with the word "abuse." It is being discovered as another frightening and growing trend that elderly people are abusing younger people who have disabilities.

You read that correctly.

First, think about a few issues elderly people face:

1. Isolation and loneliness - not all elderly people have spouses or close friends, as these support persons may have died off. They're lonely and ...
   
2. Boredom - i'm sure you've had times where you felt like stomping bugs or throwing spitballs because you were just THAT horribly bored. Lack of intellectual stimulus leads to atrophy of the intellect. Combine that with number one, above, isolation and loneliness... you get lots of impulses to occupy yourself with ANYTHING, including things that... well... really don't matter. Obsessing over the lawn. Worse, things that aren't your business, like other people's lawns.
   
3. Decades of baggage - i don't mean luggage. i refer to decades of unhandled emotional problems. Problems which may have been marginal and manageable when items 1 and 2 above were not problems have a tendency to grow into monster problems. OCD, paranoia, insecurities, low self esteem, etc. These become pathological and dangerous to harmonious interaction with neighbors and family members.
   
4. Social ignorance - i do not suggest elderly people are stupid. i suggest that they are out of touch with modern awareness of things such as disabilities, which is the focal point of this article.
   

Now, instead of ONLY giving you my likely-biased personal examples, i will first bring to you the comments posted on a forum called "Butch-Femme" which deals with supporting individuals with gender role issues. They had a particularly interesting thread about cyber bullying and other types of harassment. i will quote the relevant comments below:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

hi there everyone

... i liked the information you posted regarding PTSD as a result of bullying, because i am working right now with a housing authority, fair housing officer, legal rights, & the civil rights commission [plus more contacts], on this very issue-

senior citizens have been doing the bullying- i.e., targeting & exploiting individuals who may have serious/sensitive vulnerabilities along the lines of mental/neurological/emotional- and it's been a surreal scenario because the senior citizens are claiming "elder abuse!" they look like neatly dressed senior citizens with fearful expressions and are convincing as can be- except - they've been caught in the act with pretty heavy duty acts of discrimination...

their "deliberate" behaviours: targeting; stalking; threatening; hate-crimes; animal cruelty; discrimination; and so on- have created personal hells for their targets because it interferes not only in the victims use all common areas, public transportation, and personal safety within that particular community, it's broader still- the bullies have "recruited" people from outside of the housing community- so- the bus who picks up some of the mentally ill people for example, doesn't offer rides because the supervisor is a friend of the main bully at the residental community, who has listened to all of the gossip, accusations, and- so on...

i met and helped a woman over a year ago [reinstated transportation rights, no small undertaking! she needed the bus in order to visit the market to have food-] - she had her "rights" all along- but has a mental illness & besides the bus intimidation, had been bullied for using the sidewalk, laundry room, playing bingo, et c for come to find out- humiliated, ostracized, name-called, et c for *** 8 *** years inside [and outside] of her community- it's how i uncovered the discrimination / senior citizen bullies there-

the senior citizens would ring up the police department [and fire department] and have an officer dispatched at an odd hour to the home[s] of their target[s]- for everything under the stars, although nothing was "found" by the officer during the call... the bullies managed to further add stress/anxiety levels of the targeted individuals by disrupting sleep schedules...

patterns began to emerge - the seniors contacted the police stating they were being harrassed by the mentally ill- and feared the Victims- were out to get The Seniors !

hypervigilant- not paranoid- targets figured out whatever they were blamed for doing, is exactly what the bullies were up to- it was projected: blamed/reversed on the victims ...

the bullies are presently being dealt with by law enforcement, housing, and possibly a trial is in the not too distant future...
...
909
x
---------------------------

End Quote.

Is this story shocking to you? It wasn't shocking to me. In fact, this was pointed out to me by a friend who visits and comments on my blog. He did some searching to see if there were other examples of my personal struggles with elderly neighbors and sent me the link to 909's posting. This friend has been a wonderful assistance to me.

Another quote:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

Is bullying of adults seen as a lesser crime, a lesser concern?

dear bardicsong

i found this question of particular interest - many resources/support systems often can be fairly accessible for [parents of] children &/or young adults who are experiencing victimizing- stressful-frightening- circumstances: bullying; disabilities; medical conditions; and so on...

the adult appears to have minimal apertures in some, but not all support systems- perhaps not so much with the mainstream groups for depression and/or ptsd, medical illnesses, et c... bullying , and the emotional impact [in addition to physical/spiritual/intellectual] for adults who may be dealing with a disability of some sort is more complicated at times, in actual presentation of symptoms...

the victim bullied [with or without disability] may be seen as a crazy adult who *should * know better- there are multiple scenarios whenever an individual has not the typical *coping skills * to begin with- bullying can create so many frustrations for the victim, who may be trying to stand up for herself that she actually appears as a bully...

disabled/vulnerable people are just the ones certain bullies target/seek out- there's a spectrum of bully-types, as there are people on the spectrum with autism, depression, intelligence, support systems, comprehension of what defines bullying, and more...

i sure hope this makes sense- there are excellent contributions in this thread- thanking you all-

all the best to everyone!

respectfully,
909
---------------------------

End Quote.

i couldn't have said these things better myself. Just for the hell of it, here's the reply i sent to 909:

i am high functioning autistic. AS, to be specific. i was directed to your posting, 909, by a friend who is into relationships research. This is what i had to say:

"This is incredible. Just a few days ago, i went out into my back yard to pick berries from my overweighted golden raspberry bush... i was out there no longer than 5 minutes and the wacko on my right came out to harass me about my lawn (which is not breaking any ordinances), my pale of lawn pullings (it's been sitting there to dry and allow the bugs to bail out, so i can use it for mulch to keep the weeds down where i have intentionally planted stuff, like the berry bushes), and so on. i literally fear going outside because one jerk or the other will come out to harass me. i even considered calling the police to make a complaint. This woman came out no less than four times and WATCHED ME from her door, sending complaints that i couldn't and didn't care to hear. i tried to take it all in stride and just say "yeah yeah" and not even look at her, but i shouldn't even have to deal with it. i resolved to tell the next one who harasses me "Could you possibly allow me to have peace in my own yard!!!""


BOTH next door neighbors are senior citizens. BOTH of them treat me like the problem is MINE. The one on the right is OCD and cannot stand my yard. The one on the left is OCD+ other things and has harassed me, outright, while working in my own yard WITH a witness!!!

i have PTSD from a life time of mental abuse. i have insomnia and other parasomnias from the same (and from my neurology). i WAS a functioning member of society, earning a living, working a professional job training people on technology use. The straw that broke me was more like a giant redwood crashing through the back of my skull, thrown at me by people i thought were friends and professionals. My immediate supervisor at work is a sociopath. He lied to me, manipulated me, and finally harassed me to no end. The dean of our dept., his boss, told me all kinds of things to put me at ease when i finally walked off the job in tears and later came back. Months later, because i kept my mouth shut like the dean advised, SHE was spewing the same crap out of her mouth that HE had been. i was told by others at my workplace that the dean tends to believe whoever gets to her first and my sociopathic boss was ALWAYS using and abusing ANY opportunity to talk me down in front of others (since he finally had had it made clear that i wasn't going to take it from him any more).

Both bosses showed neuroracism and age-related prejudice.

i have a lot of talk about it on my blog at http://dysamoria.com , but i just wanted to say that your posting, 909, totally amazed me. It also makes me feel slightly LESS specifically targeted.

i've known for a long time how people think about neurological disorders and general disabilities and i know the elderly have an even worse viewpoint on it, as if it is a chosen lifestyle. Both next door neighbors have extreme anti-social problems and psychological problems of their own. They obsess (OBSESS) over their yards and they harass me and intimidate, and threaten me about mine. When do they do it? WHEN i'm WORKING on my yard!!!!!

i don't know why it's like this (actually i do, i have traits of autistic savant genius)... i wish it weren't like this and it's driving me insane (as if being on disability from constant social/mental abuse hasn't done enough damage). If you want to use me as a reference example of the same thing happening elsewhere, feel free to get in contact with me. The one "my age" neighbor told me just yesterday that the neighbor on my left side HATES her (this girl is, IMO, quite like myself, but she has a stronger stomach than myself and apparently doesn't let it get to her somehow).

anyway... thanks for sharing that information

dysamoria at dysamoria dot com.

i have since been harassed again. The following is an email i sent to my local police chief (and soon i will share this article with him as well. For context, the two elderly neighbors on the immediate left and right of my row home have harassed me primarily about ... my yard.

Quote:

Hello Chief,

To follow-up: my father and i worked on my yards today after i came home from the hospital. i have cropping to do yet around plants i am nurturing, but the yard no longer has foot-tall grass. i also edged the front yard since the dirt was encroaching upon the sidewalk, then sweaped-up the mess.

Yesterday, before entering my home when my dad dropped me off from the hospital, i pulled tall grass out with my hands (while wearing my EEG) because i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in ways that it affects my neighbors; i don't want anyone to be required to tromp through the grass between street and sidewalk. So, i'm actually pretty aware of and conscientious of these things, even if i can't always act on it immediately. i appreciate your reminder and assistance, though :)

Also, i wanted to ask that you make a "polite reminder" to Anna that she mind her own business. As has happened EVERY TIME that i've worked on my yard from day ONE in Coplay to TODAY, i was trimming and she came out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to "talk" to me. i had ear plugs in to protect from the trimmer noise and i KNEW she was there to harass me, so i ignored her for a minute. Finally, after i could no longer handle her lurking and picking at the ground, i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was standing only 1 foot from me already). i didn't even get a chance to talk before she started "asking" if i was going to remove "those weeds over there" (pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND, while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY). i told her "Do you see me working here?" She replied "Yes, but," and i interrupted by continuing "i am working on my yard." She then started AGAIN to complain and i again interrupted her by saying: "i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go back to your own place." She tried to "win" an argument i was not having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away. About 15 to 20 minutes later, while i was out front again, Anna was "conspicuously whispering" to Rich's wife (the neighbor next door down, i don't remember her name) and i felt that she was complaining about me because Rich's wife politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without saying anything. Rich's wife's kids were playing with Mary's kids. Mary and Sam are on the other side of Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has harassed me, in the opposite direction. Dotty has not bothered me in months, though she did ignore me when walking past me as i was sweeping up HER side of the cement walkway prior to making a mess with edging (which i cleaned up).

Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. i know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel that her argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her husband in the ground. Her type of behavior is extremely toxic to me because it is exactly what i dealt with at KU. It is what i suffered most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my job because they cannot be satisfied. Ever. The next time she harasses me, i will contact Coplay Police and ask to press harassment charges against her. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like this, whether they are "old" or not. She's OCD and passive-aggressive and it's not an "old age problem" alone. It's an anti-social disorder, as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part in trying to fit into society. i don't see why i should suffer the anti-social harassments and abuses of people who skate just along the edge of legality when they strike just because they're old or not breaking the law conspicuously. i do believe i have the right to live and work in non-hostile environments. My right at work was violated. i don't want to continue having it violated in my own yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with the requirements of the society.

Please forgive my complaining nature. i'm not directing this at YOU in any way other than "you're the person who deals with the community as a member of the social support structure." i blame nothing on you or on Coplay. i blame poorly "trained" individuals who wont allow other individuals to live without harassment; you're not one of those problem individuals. i appreciate your help and your communication VERY much and hope that we can continue to maintain and grow our understandings of each other.

OCD reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD
Passive-aggressive reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggression#Common_signs
These and this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malicious_compliance are several of the things that abusive people have demonstrated while abusing me in my lifetime, among others, like sociopathy (not a great reference but best i could find at the moment since WikiPedia refuses to acknowledge it just like the DSM-IV TR).

Thank you for your time, your consideration and, most importantly, your patience.

-jace

p.s.: my EEG gear looks like this:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3111/2528464721_576de8328a_b.jpg
and i've updated my blog with a similar account of events... don't know if you still check it out or not.

End Quote.

Interesting? Boring? Sorry. Go read other stories about bombs and politics.

Unbelievable? Sorry, but it's all too real. i used to think that, were i in a wheelchair, people would be more patient and kind to me because they could SEE my disability. Maybe that's just not true. Maybe there are some people who just will never care about another person outside their own personal interests. i mean, wouldn't you stop and think a moment after your neighbor has posted signs on his door about not being able to tolerate further abuse and then when seeing that same neighbor wearing an ambulatory EEG on his head with a recorder on his hip... would you be more likely to show patience or would you just assume the guy is" a crazy adult who *should * know better??"

Human beings have a terrible habit of abusing members of their own species and their own communities. i fail to see the relevance in excusing anyone for age. Being impolite and rude is a little more universally understood than "autism," so why do so many people fail the most basic of rules of engagement when interacting with other people?

(excerpt) flickr: Racist and Homophobic, or Scamming?

UPDATE: this story has had good reading numbers at NowPublic. 600+ reads since posting it.

... i've been witness to paying flickr members abandoning their paid accounts to move on to other photo sharing communities after their complaints of harassment ... went 100% unhandled... i've a contact on flickr who was forced to move to a new account ... flickr staff has marked his account NIPSA. ...This contact ... had nothing offensive in public view... He was blocked, by my estimation, because he is gay and sometimes does photo shoots that involve men in situations of love and lust, trust and fear; the artistic expression of age old stories of the human condition. ...

... Why is a gay man's artistic expression censored? Is it because some insecure flickr staff member is uncomfortable seeing photos of two men expressing emotions via skin to skin contact? ...

Homophobia is racism just as much as the hate or discrimination of persons with different national origin or skin color is racism. ...

Now, a new censoring technique has been established: groups have had their administration settings modified ... without warning the group administrators ... members who's photostreams have been censored ... cannot add their images to a group. The only way this can be changed is if the group changes their settings to allow "restricted" content. ... the group is then AUTOMATICALLY changed to an 18+ group and is made invisible to the public.

This has directly affected me in a most offensive manner: i am no longer able to share my personal self documentation of my autism research with other members of flickr who have groups dedicated to ausitm and Asperger's Syndrome. These are groups of autistic persons and parents of autistic children. Many of my contacts and on-line associates/friends began contact with me because of my open sharing of my autistic life on flickr and the fact that they felt they had gained some new understanding that would help them with their children.

... The word "homophobia" carries a meaning and a weight. ... flickr is discriminating against me based on neuroracism. They are also negatively affecting the groups which have members who expressed appreciation for my contributions. ...

... i started hearing from contacts and friends about how their other contacts and friends have experienced similar discrimination (account blockage or deletion). Many members are edgy and afraid that some harmless upload will get their account deleted.

... Is this a scam? Is flickr crippling accounts just to push members into paying for another, new "pro" account subscription? That would be highly illegal. ...

read the whole thing here

references

the fuckers win again: nightmares, sleep seizures

all of the stress caused by the recent topics below lead me to hours of undrugged, exhausted sleep where i had nightmares unending, paralysis and seizure activity. my existence is torture and the blame goes to all of the various motherfuckers listed below this posting on into the last three years. when do i get my relief and my payback for suffering your fucking sociopathic society's abuse??

To: board.directors@covidien.com, investor.relations@covidien.com, wayde.mcmillan@covidien.com, cole.lannum@covidien.com, david.young@covidien.com, grants.administrator@covidien.com, "Spencer, Gina"
Date: May 30, 3:50am.

i just spent the last several hours suffering nightmares, not resting, and ending up with a sleep seizure because of the compounded stresses of having to deal with your lousy company and people like mr. joe doria for far too long.

your organization is sociopathic. it has no moral or ethical responsibility. it's all talk and will talk and lawyer its way out of any responsibility of any kind. corporate entities like covidien are a cruel joke and cancer on society itself.

stop claiming to care when all that really matters to your corporation is money and disclaiming all responsibility for its actions.

your company, and the rest of the abusers i've suffered my 32 years of autistic life owe me millions in compensation. instead, you just legalese and BS your way through everything.

law should put your business down permanently.
you should be ashamed from the highest levels to the bottom.

-jace cavacini
victim of abuse since childhood, soon to be dead from it.

force them to comply via embarassment

This is a follow-up to the previous blog entry...

Today i received three emails in response to my mass mailing. First, chronologically, was from the hospital. A technician informed me that they changed their software and could provide me with a CD with my raw data on it (like i had asked, over a year ago, but was told this was not possible). the second email, chronologically, was from Joe Doria at Covidien. i wont even attempt to describe. just read it below:

Jace,

As I have always said, the issue of patient data, and viewing patient data is between you and the Sleep Lab.

I have copied JoBeth at the lab, and she will be contacting you directly. I understand that they have offered to have you come into the sleep lab to review the record with the staff but you have not done so.

I would appreciate it if you dealt directly with your doctor, and with the sleep lab in the future for any requests which pertain to your confidential patient information.

Respectfully,

Joe Doria

i replied with the following:

"Respectfully??" Not even close, Mr. Doria. Even in your last email, you STILL refused to answer the same damn question i've asked sensibly and politely for over a year.

Jobeth emailed me prior to your email. She informed me that the software they have at this time allows me to take my data home on a CD for viewing on my own computer. Things apparently changed since the original test, but because YOU were uncooperative and refused to answer my very simple question about the software, and because you refused to facilitate understanding of your company's product between both parties, NOTHING was accomplished for over a year. YOU were contacted to determine if there was a technical limitation or a misunderstanding by the technicians at the hospital. You were not contacted to deal with "confidential patient information." That's patently absurd. You simply refused to cooperate for whatever reason (i can only imagine; laziness, sociopathy, apathy, disinterest...).

Unprofessional and unkind.

Don't claim to sympathize. i don't want your last minute hollow words of customer service. Don't give me the passive-aggressive argument that i "refused to go in to the doctor office to review my data." This is nonsense. There is no basis in fact for such nonsense because it is completely outside the context of my inquiry. You would know that if you comprehended my request from day one (or 20). i can only assume it's an attitude problem on your part; if you had taken a few minutes to actually deal with my very specific inquiry, this would have probably been finished a year ago.

There is no reason why i should have had to send a mass email throughout Covidien just to get this resolved. This was my last resort after dealing with a year of deadlocked stonewalling from you. Your handling of this has been unprofessional and rude and you've clearly been forced to take the action you should have taken previously.

You've clearly demonstrated an incapacity to empathize with the feelings and emotions of other human beings and such a personality has no sense of ever doing wrong. You don't belong in a position relating to the handling of technology for human health care. Unless you're going to admit your wrongdoing and apologize, just stay silent from this point on. There's clearly nothing you can (or will) do for me and this is my final message to you. Hopefully someone of authority over you has now noticed your lack of customer service and communication skills. It didn't have to go down this way. This is your doing. It doesn't take an autistic genius to figure that out.

-jace cavacini

i copied this to the kind person at the hospital and to the person who sent me the third message, chronologically: a person responding to my complaint of ethical concerns to the Covidien Board of Directors. i explained to her that her message demonstrated that she did not read the actual email exchange between myself and Doria because she quoted the same irrellivent nonsense Doria did (that i was asking them to provide my "confidential patient information."

How do these people even get EMPLOYMENT when they have such poor reading comprehension and why the HELL am i the one who lost my employment when incompetent people like Joe Doria are able to work for multi-billion-dollar corporations in HEALTH CARE??

Below is the exchange between myself and Gina Spencer of Covidien:

From: jace
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 4:40 AM
To: #Grants Administrator; Young, David; Lannum, Cole; McMillan, Wayde; #Covidien Investor Relations; #Covidien Board of Directors
Subject: [Fwd: Re: Thank you for responding, but i still need some confirmation: Re: FW: at least have the decency to RESPOND THIS TIME]

Please examine this communication exchange and tell me if Joe Doria is behaving in the way that your company thinks is "Socially Responsible," "compassionate," and "accountable" (among other self-congratulatory terms)...

i notice that your "socially responsible" and "accountable" board of directors and management have self-congratulatory bios, but not a single contact method (phone or email).

also, i still need a direct and relevant answer to my very important question.
--------

Spencer's reply (she was not one of the addressed):

Dear Mr. Cavacini:

I am in receipt of your e-mail dated May 29, 2008, to the Covidien Board of Directors. This is indeed the correct contact method to notify the Board of Directors and Senior Management of any ethical concerns.

Regarding your message to Mr. Doria and subsequently to the Board of Directors (et. al.), Covidien is the manufacturer of the Sandman equipment, but we do not have access to patient data. It would be inappropriate for us obtain your data from the lab to fulfill your request because there are laws that govern patient privacy, and we will not violate those laws.

I believe Mr. Doria has arranged for the sleep lab to help fulfill your request. It is my understanding that Mr. Doria has arranged with JoBeth Newhard of the LHV Sleep Disorders Center to provide you with your data in a portable format. I was forwarded a copy of an e-mail sent to you on May 29th from Ms. Newhard that outlines how you may take advantage of this opportunity.

I believe this settles your matter in a positive manner, which is hopefully acceptable to you. Good luck with your pursuit of this matter and, of course, your health.

Sincerely,

Gina Spencer
Ombudsman

Please note new E-Mail address: gina.spencer@covidien.com

That's right, folks... these people have employment and comfort while i have disability checks that don't cover my living expenses after sociopathic people (such as will jefferson and sharon picus at Kutztown University and these Covidien people) ruined my ability to function via passive-aggressive harassment, abuse and illegal behavior. Yes. jace loses. The disabled person loses to the privileged people.

Fucking spectacular.

As i asked previously: when did this become acceptable business practice? This nation is going down the toilet because passive-aggressive people win.

Don't let them. This is YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY.