Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion

Regarding: something published and apparently ignored since February 1, 1996
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 13 No. 2: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/54831

"Written by Robert D. Hare, Ph.D. Dr. Hare, who has researched psychopathy for more than 25 years, is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, and was scientific director of a 1995 NATO Advanced Study Institute on Psychopathic Behavior."

i wanted to introduce the topic of Sociopathy vs. Psychopathy into the materials present in Dr. Robert Hare's writing (both his articles found on the web, such as http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html and his own website and writings in print).

His article at http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html is near excellent in defining some very vital reasoning on why confusion of ASPD and Psychopathy is a terrible problem. Yet, i see a terrible problem in the lack of mention of Sociopathy.

The DSM not only lumps ASPD with Psychopathy, but also does the same with Sociopathy. Sociopathy and Psychopathy ARE Anti Social Personality Disorders. More so, they DIFFER in perceptually small yet effectively VAST ways.

i was very excited to find the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout. i was confused when a friend read the book and found it lacking my own personal differentiation between sociopathy and psychopathy. i examined the parts she cited and felt she was indeed correct. i had lead her to a book that does not go where i thought it did and where i have been going very frequently in my attempts to educate others.

i have since located some web-based material called "The Psychopath Next Door" which is reportedly Martha Stout's website (which looks outdated and does not indicate her name). The information on this page seems VERY similar to her book. It occurred to me that the process of formalizing her writing on the topic had forced her to change from the subject of Psychopathy to Sociopathy because the people she was writing about were not murderers, cult leaders or other such common psychopathic actions. It is fortunate that she changed terms before publishing the book, but unfortunate that it does not do near as well a job as my own talks with people to define the difference between the two labels.

Most importantly, i think it is VITAL that all of this information be brought back into public discussion, form part of whatever processes involved in producing the next (unfortunately biblically followed) DSM edition, and CLARIFIED to eliminate the confusion that is growing more and more rampant.

i have a personal motivator here. i was harassed, intimidated and abused by several sociopaths. To my knowledge, they are not psychopaths. Their ASPD stops at the point where they attempt to preserve their social status and maintain their adherence to the majority of laws and social rules that would have them filtered out of society, should they break those rules and laws. i have no interest in "protecting" these people in any way (i would love to see sociopaths filtered out of society just as psychopaths tend to filter themselves out after committing crimes), but i DO see a neurological connection to two neurological/psychiatric items that do NOT deserve to be lumped into the same category as psychopaths:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder. This is largely a defensive mechanism of the human mind in response to extensive and intolerable amounts of mental (and often physical) abuse. Most typically observed in females from teenage to about 35, is the claim of much material on BPD. Noted is the "mysterious growing out of it" effect that i have read about in several published materials on BPD. i find this irresponsible and i "see" what is likely happening: BPD leads to sociopathy, if not treated, cared for or otherwise halted in its tracks.
   
   
2. BPD appears to be a VERY common comorbidity of autistic neurology in the later years (between teens and mid 30s).

You see the process i am illustrating?

High Functioning Autistic neurology leads to much social (and often physical abuse) through the "growth years" and the comorbid condition of BPD establishes a strong hold to preserve the mental integrity of the individual. A worst case scenario leads to the terminal point of BPD transitioning into Sociopathy.

In case you cannot predetermine my personal bias here, i am autistic.

My autism spectrum label would most likely be Asperger's Syndrome, but the longer i continue to combat "the system" as an individual, and combat sociopaths and "professionals," the more i am forced to wonder if i am something slightly higher functioning than the high functioning AS individual. My self awareness and intelligence has made me feel rather alienated by those AS persons i have encountered in AS communities and the "professionals" refuse to recognize me as BEING on the autism spectrum (because apparently they do not grasp that austistic children eventually GROW UP with or without a diagnosis). i did not have a diagnosis of anything until about a year ago when i pursued the diagnosis of AS through independent research and a rough time locating professionals who could see beyond their traditionally myopic perspective of only working with children.

AS, and autism in general, has many features that are similar to the criteria for ASPDs and many are perceived to BE antisocial. Worse, it seems to me, from my own personal research and experience, autistic neurology is a potential catalyst for becoming an antisocial person, a "Borderliner," Sociopath or psychopath. The determining factors seem to be nurture (positive or negative) and self awareness (though that lucidity of self awareness is questionable in terms of how it comes about and whether it can be taught or learned).

My point: Sociopaths are more dangerous than psychopaths. They do not get filtered out of society because, as many have stated, the "dog eat dog" aspects of "modern society" seem to encourage it and getting "ahead" in society seems to be enabled by the traits of sociopathy. Also, i know MANY persons with AS and BPD. None of them deserve the mistaken presumption or sloppy and incorrect diagnosis of Sociopathy or Psychopathy.

The DSM needs to be moved drastically into a "spectral" format instead of solid on and off bipolar determination. i am hoping that interaction from people such as myself with people such as the professionals "in the business" (especially those who are authoring books and being read by other professionals and students of the topics he presents) will eventually lead to a healthier DSM and better diagnostic results from the "professionals" who use the DSM as the end-all be-all bible of "mental health."

The mind is the brain. The brain is the mind. Knowing how it works, and why it works in the ways it does, is the best route to a healthier human species and human societies.

Thank you for reading this rather long message. i would like to send a copy to Dr. Robert Hare, but the website indicates a postal address only for personal correspondence. i hope that this message is a little of both; please do forward this message to him if that is possible. Otherwise, i will have to use the postal service.

-jace cavacini
dysamoria (at) dysamoria dot com
http://dysamoria.com

for jefferson

everything i touched, you broke

i admitted my admiration for you
and you broke it by taking advantage

i admitted my AS to you
and you used it as a weapon against me

i trusted you to be a friend, as you claimed to be
and you broke it into a billion little fragments of hate

i can't even email to the university
because you've poisoned me so
that my words became uncontrolled

OR your infestation of IT worked
and they did as you PRESCRIBED

everything i touched, you broke

my clients
my work
me relationships
my career

everything i touched, you broke

you're so
insecure
so afraid
so small
ignorant

controlling,
or trying to be
and failing

control

over your life
your employees
your supervisors
"human resources"
(sociopaths of a kind
you could only DREAM of being)

your wife
whom you live off of

crushing her will
to speak in public
to do anything which
you disapprove

i hope she sees you;
rotten to the core

i hope she leaves you
to drink at the television
to a downward and
deathly spiral, just
just as you deserve

the world didn't do this to you
you did this to the world
and it reciprocated.
...and you blame it for that.
fool.

your not worth the suffering
yet everything you touch, you brake.

repeat

NOTE: this is a repeat, i think.


days, hours
months, or
something

these are the end days
my end days, for your fun
now i will push as far as i can

there's not much left to do
nor give, 'sides my heart,
with its wretched limits, too

so, push
shove
crawl right up in my face

i owe you the blood
the pain
and tears

wasted on you

all my strain was for you
if you care
which you don't

so

suckle right up till the white
becomes red
empty me out, and be fed

these are the end days
of a battle i never embraced
it's your fantasy, to rule or destroy

and you have done to me
the worst of both worlds

so push, crawl, shove,
and with teeth, be sure to chew and injest
infest your distress upon me

these are my end days
closer than i hoped they would be
and oh so much more real, now

but i know i was better than you
oh i know i was much better than most

well...

i know i was much better than you.

make amends or i'm killing myself

(ADDED STUFF BELOW)
Kutztown University, will jefferson, sharon picus, margaret devlin, HR, the "Office of Social Equity," the Union and several other managerial and Union-related people destroyed my ability to lead a normal life:

• jefferson discriminated against me based on age (youth) and disability (autism).
  
• jefferson harassed me with passive-aggressive obstruction of my work, direct verbal abuse and defamation of my character and work ethic to my coworkers and management.
  
• jefferson threatened me not to speak with the union about conflicts with him.
  
• management (devlin and HR) refused to do their jobs when the abuse was brought to their attention.
  
• management (devlin and HR) harassed me directly by defamation of me to my coworkers, union and other management.
  
• HR harassed me by sending me away from work to be "examined by a psychiatrist," which was totally playing along with jefferson's fraudulent claim/defamation of me to HR and coworkers.
• management did nothing when it was made clear that jefferson was behaving with oppressive, harassing and aggressive behavior that coworkers sensed as disconcerting indicators of potential violence against me.
  
• the union did nothing to assist or advise me.
  
• a union representative advised me against filing a grievance because "it probably wont accomplish anything."
  
• another union representative advised me to "play along with management" because he'd been through a similar situation (he was brought up on drug use charges, i was being harassed by fraudulent claims made by jefferson to campus security).
  
• another union representative told me "management protects its own."
  
• the union did not represent or defend me when i was brought under charges of potential safety risk due to jefferson's fraud.
  
• the union made declarations of investigation that were not followed through with.
  
• the union management made declarations to investigate and did nothing but allow HR to waste the 15-day statute of limitations on filing grievances.
  
• the union management refused to respond to emails and phone calls.
  
• the university eliminated my job by declaring that i resigned when i had NOT done so, two days before xmas holiday.
  
• the university, the union and all people mentioned clearly acted in their own personal and managerial best interests and for their own convenience and never once attempted to resolve the real cause of the problems where they started from day one: will jefferson!

i am living in hell on earth:

• i cannot eat properly because of medications, stress, anxiety and a failing nervous system.
  
• i cannot get slow-wave sleep so my mental facilities are disintegrating.
  
• i have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, paranoia and am developing BPD in response to the abuse i've received.
  
• i have nightmares/hallucinations instead of sleep.
  
• i am extremely suicidal and feel that i have NO legal rights, protection, accommodation or even people to believe me.
  
• i am looked at as a leech on society by disability and welfare by way of continuously decreasing allotments for food and medical treatment.
  
• i am on medications that make me ill with side effects which require other medications, all of which have become physical addictions because of the nature of the medications. i can't get off of them without going through health-risking withdrawal.
  
• AmeriHealth Mercy refuses me access to the one medication that might help with my sleep disorder.
  
• i am isolated, my credit has been destroyed, i'm lonely, and no one has done ANYTHING to the criminals to have brought my life to this point.
  
• my family is suffering because of attempting to assist me while they are already suffering their own problems.

No pill and no platitudes will ever rectify the real cause of all of these problems:

MY HUMAN RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED AND NO ONE WHO'S RESPONSIBILITY IT IS TO DEAL WITH THAT FACT WILL DO SO. I AM IGNORED, DISCARDED, MARGINALIZED, REFUSED AND HARASSED BY HAVING A DIAGNOSED DISABILITY WHICH HAS BECOME 100 TIMES WORSE BECAUSE OF ABUSE FROM MY FORMER EMPLOYER, KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY.

I WANT COMPENSATION OR I WANT DEATH. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE.


The Evidence, the Story, the Whole Truth


Christine said (on myspace):

You want compensation from whom? Perhaps you will receive it in another form, that is if you are open to it and to your future. We will all die soon enough. Now is not your time Jace. We did not determine our birth so the natural order of things is that we should not determine our death either. No person should ever have that much say in anothers death, unless of course society dictates it as a punishment for heinous crimes. Yet if no one should rightfully harm you, why should you harm yourself? Ok i know i am speaking from a mostly rational standpoint here. Yet i do believe that this is the standpoint that allows us the most freedom. As emotions, although they have their role and we cant exist without them, well they are unpredictable, one day you may feel like dying and the next you feel like living. So theyre not a reliable source for reference in taking action in our own lives and the lives of others. We must balance both reason and emotion, and by so doing come up with viable solutions that will impact our lives for the greater good for ourselves and others. I want to feel triumphant in my life. Not to win so much, but just to laugh and be happy..to always have the heart of a child and never allow bitter roots to strangle it out. If we can laugh in the midst of our experience then we know we are gonna be ok. People need support when they are sad. I hope you will continue to receive enough support from the people that do care for you, so that you are able to let go of the suicide idealations. Only you can do this Jace, you know this. It is not a positive mindset to want to do this, so it can not so much be of benefit until you turn it into a postive in your life. Perhaps you can help others at some point as you will be able to wholeheartedly relate to anyone who has desires to take their life. This can be done yet Jace, you need support though it from your friends. Hope today gives you more rest and peace.

Posted by Christine on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 7:27 AM

i replied:

the heart of a child... something i was not allowed to have... i have my Legos... i have my classic Doctor Who... but i have no one to share these things with ... so i am still isolated when trying to enjoy those things. i do photography... but it's just of me. i have no one else to do it with. music: no one to share it with. people don't even like my music. i mean, that's fine if it's not their thing, but it's just another place where i'm alone.

i feel like dying every single day. especially now. i want to be as good as possible to those i care for, but in the end, they will find that i've served my purpose and they will move on. i feel like dying every day because i'm tired of what my life IS and has always been.

who do i want amends from?

The STATE.

even elise.

But mostly KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY AND THE STATE OR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

i want my LIFE back. i FOUGHT to have that life. i EARNED it and it was STOLEN FROM ME in ways that violate my human rights and laws. i DESERVE to have compensation but i have no MONEY to seek it actively.

So i'm sick and i'm tired of being sick and i'm tired of being... just this.

i have so much more that i could be if it were allowed. i was there, doing it and i was horribly VIOLATED. it is more than the loss of a job or a girlfriend. MY LIFE WAS ACTIVELY DESTROYED. jefferson is the guy who introduced my to my realtor Bob Berner (a great guy)... and then, when i was in the process of buying my house, jefferson actually talked to my best co-worker about how "jace is just a kid. he doesn't know what he's doing... if he wants to go bankrupt that's his fucking problem." The man sought to ruin what i was accomplishing out of his own HATE of me for being what i am at my age when HE WASN'T what he wanted to be at my age, or didn't get to be what he WANTED to be at my age. He has several times given me "i [this or that] when i was your age. the military straightened me out... " etc.

I WAS TARGETED AND DESTROYED BY A SOCIOPATH. I WANT COMPENSATION FOR THIS CRIME.

Posted by dysamoria on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 5:07 PM

the fuckers win again: nightmares, sleep seizures

all of the stress caused by the recent topics below lead me to hours of undrugged, exhausted sleep where i had nightmares unending, paralysis and seizure activity. my existence is torture and the blame goes to all of the various motherfuckers listed below this posting on into the last three years. when do i get my relief and my payback for suffering your fucking sociopathic society's abuse??

To: board.directors@covidien.com, investor.relations@covidien.com, wayde.mcmillan@covidien.com, cole.lannum@covidien.com, david.young@covidien.com, grants.administrator@covidien.com, "Spencer, Gina"
Date: May 30, 3:50am.

i just spent the last several hours suffering nightmares, not resting, and ending up with a sleep seizure because of the compounded stresses of having to deal with your lousy company and people like mr. joe doria for far too long.

your organization is sociopathic. it has no moral or ethical responsibility. it's all talk and will talk and lawyer its way out of any responsibility of any kind. corporate entities like covidien are a cruel joke and cancer on society itself.

stop claiming to care when all that really matters to your corporation is money and disclaiming all responsibility for its actions.

your company, and the rest of the abusers i've suffered my 32 years of autistic life owe me millions in compensation. instead, you just legalese and BS your way through everything.

law should put your business down permanently.
you should be ashamed from the highest levels to the bottom.

-jace cavacini
victim of abuse since childhood, soon to be dead from it.

and fuck the rest of you

While i'm at it, fuck you tinawhore, pretentious and arrogant kristin, jana-brat, judy-sociopath, dana-sociopath, lynette-borderliner, john-arrogantfuck married to arrogant-fuck-tammy, fuck my family for never listening to me, fucking ever, child or adult, fuck my "friend and boss" will-fucking-sociopath-jefferson, fuck the evil HR director sharon-fucking-sociopath-picus at KU, the entire kutztown university board, my other sociopathic and immoral employers such as NCC, buckeye pipeline company and daytimers ... and all you fuckers who treated me like shit in grade school for nearly 10 years. fuck you to all the "teachers," the friends who didn't do shit for me but but demanded i do for them, that i change to suit them. fuck you to the arrogant, fucking ignorant doctors, hospitals, psychiatrists, counselors (hello bradly and mr. never have anything to say after weeks of me talk talk talking and EDUCATING YOUR IGNORANT ASS), fuck the worthless, addicting medications and the motherfucking companies which made them for profit only. fuck you, john and tammy, for getting me started on fucking medication that doesn't do fucking shit but make me a fucking junkie. fuck you to the organizations that claim to be there for people like me. autism groups, autism activism, autism FOR CHILDREN. FUCK YOUR CHILDREN. i was a child once, you know? WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET? FUCKING ABUSE! "bad attitude" "misbehavior" "doesn't live up to his potential" "talks in class" "doesn't participate" WELL FUCK YOU, SALISBURY SCHOOL SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!

fuck you to america, the shining shit of ignorance. fuck the medical industry that believes AS only exists in children. fuck you to the worthless lies of the "US Constitution" of lies of the fucking useless united states of fucking america. FUCK THIS COUNTRY AND ITS LIES. racist, money-worshipping, whores of god. "for god you crawl over the bodies of the dead and in god you murder."

i still can't get any of you out of my blood because i REMEMBER and i KNOW WHAT YOU ALL ARE. blame me, the fucking retard WHO SEES WHAT YOU REALLY ARE, YOU COMPLACENT AND SELFISH FUCKS. yes, call me the autistic retard who can't be normal like you selfish, apathetic fucks. put a fucking gun to my fucking brain stem and END ME NOW, you murderous fucking cunts.

hear me, you redneck "conservative" republican shitheads? COME KILL ME, YOU IGNORANT REDNECK RACIST GOD FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUR GODS, FUCK YOUR BIBLES, FUCK YOUR JESUSES, FUCK ALL YOUR 2000+ YEARS OF POLITICAL, RACIST, ABUSIVE BULLSHIT. WORSHIP YOUR PILES OF MONEY AND YOUR THRONES, SAFE AWAY FROM THE CRIME YOU CREATE, THE WARS YOU START, AND THE REALITY YOU CAN'T COMPREHEND. WORSHIP YOUR SHIT. WORSHIP YOUR STOCKS, YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS, YOUR BACKBITING. WORSHIP YOUR SEMEN STAINED BIBLES. YOUR RIGHTIOUSNESS. YOUR POWER OVER OTHERS! YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITES OF THE HIGHEST POWER.

FUCK YOURSELVES TO DEATH AND GO TO THE GATES OF YOUR MASTURBATORY HEAVEN WHERE ONLY YOUR KIND ARE WELCOME TO BE FUCKED BY GOD AND HIS FUCKING WHOREY ANGELS! WORSHIP WORSHIP WORSHIP.

FUCK YOU, GREATEST OF ALL, FOR TREATING ME LIKE ALL THIS FUCKING DAMAGE IS MY OWN FUCKING FAULT!

"This message was created automatically by mail delivery software.
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FUCK YOU, INSINCERE LIARS WITH EYES SEWN SHUT, EARS PLUGGED WITH SHIT AND HAND FORWARD BLOCKING INCOMING COMMUNICATION.

463 - a lesson in observation and self awareness

i used to think the "personal web page" was an icon of egotistical trend followers... Then i ended up making one of my own as a combination of portfolio and resume... and some personal politics.

Then came "the web log," which quickly became known as... "the blog."

"The blob?"
"No, the blog."
"Oh."

i thought blogging was another icon of egotistical, trend following, pet rock buying, meme spreading "something old is new again (because it has a different name)."

Now i have had one of these things for over three years. This being the 463rd posting, i thought to mention that my initial "distaste" for a "new fad" was probably just a trigger and response function of having spent 12 years in grade school, where fads were more important than life itself. It WAS life, in fact, to most people i "grew up with." i hate fads. i hate egoism. The last thing i want to do is follow a fad, appear to follow a fad or care about fads.

My aversion was also probably fueled somewhat by the "i'm uncomfortable with something new and different(ish)... things are changing... i don't like differentness and change..." feelings that come from my autistic traits.

Then again, according to many people who should be "in the know" (and are not), i'm not autistic (even though A Guide to Asperger's Syndrome is a rather excellent user manual for my life and brain).

One way or another, i grew past my aversions. Most likely by finding a contextual purpose for these things in my life. More importantly, i stopped being "anti" and negative minded about them. Good thing, too, because the aversion wasn't logical or rational. i know this by watching, observing and seeing other people have similar behaviors and then comparing myself to them. i don't do this to be "superior." i do this to check myself. Instead of hunting down a person who will support my negative views, i spend some time being objective about these traits in me when i see them in others. i see the traits as intolerant and fearful emotional reactions to things they do not understand. People criticize what they do not understand, right? Do i want to be one of those ignorant people?

No.

My ex-boss, the sociopath jefferson, at KU, has/had an aversion to realtime chat online. It is one of the features of Blackboard that he refused to utilize and tended to disparage. We discussed it, somewhat, and i shared my attempt at a balanced view of chatting. Yes, i admitted, there are some down sides such as poor reading comprehension of "chat speak" and typing speed limitations which make the tool uncomfortable for the "uninitiated" ... but what if you could add another potential route of communication to your teaching tools that enabled an entire group of students to communicate with you and each other which was not available to them before? Is that a "bad thing?" Should we shun a tool because we are ourselves uncomfortable with it, despite the fact that many more people ARE comfortable with it and are more likely to "speak up" given that method?

He was forced to agree. The man does attempt to be logical in relation to how he is likely to be perceived, so long as it is not extreme paranoia driving him. He has a mind which is very capable of logical reasoning when it is not obstructed by ego (which is something i could say about you, too, H). Did he embrace the tool from there on? No, but he did ... borrow ... my commentary about the tool when presenting Blackboard. It didn't bother me at the time. Since it was in group training and i was right there, i thought it was understood between us that it was shared knowledge. Except... he still had his personal aversion. This was demonstrated by referring to the two communication tools in Blackboard (forums and chat) as "asynchronous and synchronous communication."

"WHAT??"

These are terms that our clients were highly unlikely to understand at all, or at least not grasp within jefferson's context. It was as if he was refusing to step down to the "kid terms" "forum" and "chat." Another form of age elitism? The fact is, the terms "chat" and "forum" were understood by far many more clients than not. Many clients knew of the tools through their students, children or their own personal use in daily life. Some didn't know what these tools were, but highly technical terms, such as "asynchronous and synchronous communication" were not at all in those persons' lexicons and likely were not ever meant to be. It would be as logical as learning programming language terminology as part of the curriculum for becoming an illustrator.

To this day, i cannot really decide what motivated this choice in language. Was it to obfuscate something he didn't really want to accept was valid or was it his only way of comprehending something he didn't really grasp on a personal contextual level, in a functional manner?

More curiously, or ironic, or unfair... this is the same man who pushed me out of my job via harassment, bullying, and generally making my work environment hostile. He eliminated the member of the LTC team which was quite comfortable working with the tools he disliked and didn't have familiarity with. He eliminated the person who was skilled at adaptation to new tools and instructing others on how to apply those tools to their own needs, if appropriate. He eliminated... the competition for perception of who really made the LTC valuable.

This is why i blog. Not just because of sociopaths like jefferson. Not just to rant. i blog to expose. i blog to express. i blog to share.

What i know. What i see. What i hear. What i have learned. What Ever.

Through observing others, i have come to eliminate potential pitfalls for my own personality and attitudes. i have come to understand what makes certain types of people behave as they do. i have come to a lucidity about myself and a clarity about others, and how they treat people at all similar to myself, and i share this information in the hopes that it will either help people deal with me in a more humane way, or help people deal with their own personal experiences in a healthier way.

Most of all, to make it public. Exposure of truths.

i know about "YOU", "HIM", "HER" and "THEM" and i'm not afraid to tell it to the world... or the parts of the world that might accidentally read my blog, randomly, via chance or directed searches.

i am not "better" than jeffersonites, sociopaths, HR managers, flickr staff or girls with BPD. i simply BEHAVE better.

if they could see what we look like on the inside, maybe they would stop hurting us

not just autistics.
everyone.

because everyone has some kind of hurt.

the trouble is, most people use it as an excuse to not give a damn about the next person. most people will take any opportunity to stratify the smallest collection of humans so as to float up top, while the rest suffocate beneath them.

give empathy and kindness.
sure, you might not get it in return.
actually, the way i see most people, you probably wont.

but it beats the alternative; giving cruelty will do everyone more harm than the minuscule and petty "good" you mistakenly think your cruelty will do for you.

they are you,
you are they.
divided we stand,
together we fall.

fact. not fiction.
if you have the foresight and intelligence to grasp it.

warning: you may be dangerous to the person sitting next to you

You never considered that, did you? You don't live in your own private world. Your actions affect others. You may think that "being anti-social" means a person is unwilling to socialize... You're wrong, if so. If you've ever been called anti-social by a doctor, therapist or your kids (and if they know what they're talking about), it means that you have behaviors which disrupt the systems that make societies possible. It means that your behavior threatens the fabric of society itself. It means this: you're toxic. Maybe even outright dangerous.

BPD, sociopathy, psychopathy... barely acknowledged by "modern medicine..." These topics are "defined" by political works of reference, which are created by politicized committees, which are made up of people focused on their own agendas. Does that sound social to you?

What "the establishment" seems blind to when they define these dangerous behaviors are things such as simple arrogance, elitism, racism and ignorance. It's all defective behavior and it all endangers the fabric of society. Some of it has the label of "anti-social personality disorder" and is possibly "medicated" or "advised." The rest of it is considered "bad attitude" or "difference of opinion" and goes unchecked, unfiltered and largely without limitation because it isn't perceived as dangerous (or "deviant," but even the people who own deviantart.com seem to be utterly, and absurdly, ignorant about what the word "deviant" actually means).

Yes, the delimiter is the perception of "danger to others." Freedom of speech is protected as a right. Supposedly. Hate speech is not protected and can be found illegal, depending on the form. Does that logically mean that racists who openly "express their opinions" about other people are breaking the law? No. Some racists even manage to have their "freedom of speech" protected by the law... enabling them to wear culturally offensive "uniforms" (many with hoods for the protection of anonymity) and collect in "peaceful demonstration" of their intolerance of other human beings.

Confused? i sure am. But hey, i'm just a stupid autistic "kid" (i'm 32, you moron).

But wait... go back to that whole "Dangerous" bit... The anti-social "KKK" marchers who are "peacefully demonstrating" their hate... well, they aren't hurting anyone, are they? Is there any assault or even name calling? Maybe not, but what would you feel like if their "presentation" was a veiled suggestion that people like YOU should be legally enslaved or "deported" like your great grandfather/mother? Does that hurt you?

What is "hurt??" Is that the same thing you feel when you're assaulted physically??

i'll help clear that up in a moment. First, consider this:

A psychopath is clearly dangerous to individuals, should one determine he/she feels like killing or maiming other human beings or being "cruel" to animals (yet, a dog's owner is legally allowed to murder it, as long as it isn't done in a "cruel" way).

What about the girl with BPD who causes emotional trauma to person after person after person, out of sheer paranoia and self interest? The trail of ruined hearts and minds left in their wake is not worth consideration?? What about the ignorant university employees who pass judgment on, and are complacent about the harassment of, a person with autism, resulting in the unjust loss of that autistic person's job? (yeah, that's me, the autistic person, could you guess?)

What about the company executive (seemingly clearly sociopathic, to me) who allows the deaths of hundreds, or even thousands, at the failure of a product he/she is responsible for because of a "cost/risk analysis?" What about the responsibility-free individuals that make up a government which instructs its teenage military to wage war on others for... what were those wars about, again? Certainly not about spreading peace, human dignity, "democracy" or any other pretty words...

Why do these people remain free to repeat and continue their damage? Are they invisible? Excusable?? Psychopaths do tend to make themselves known, eventually, and it is harder to ignore them... but the others... the BPD girl, the corporate executive, the murderous war monger... they aren't at all invisible. Killing and destruction of societies, en mass... yet they go largely unchallenged. There's a lot of talk, when something manages to become a "controversy," but who is ultimately held accountable? Anyone at all? Is there REALLY a "court of public opinion" when most citizens of this nation (and others) are complacent, apathetic and callous to the suffering of ... the human being next to them?

i ask "Why do they remain free when the psychopaths are jailed and removed from society?"

i'll tell you why: Definitions.

Nothing more.

That sociopathic company man, supervisor or president of the USA go unchallenged because the law (obeyed or not) does not recognize them as being dangerous to society or individuals in that society. It's incredible, when you look at the actual details instead of the distractions.

What about you? Are you a contributor to peace and harmony or a bringer of chaos and distress? Does it please you to please others or does it please you to play political games? You know... shift and manipulate power structures to benefit your own personal agenda. Do you like that? Do you openly admit to it? That's bold of you...

Reality Check:

Next time you "go about your business," maybe you should take a moment to consider if YOU are hazardous to someone else's health and well being.

Are you a corporate lackey who's "just following instructions?" Are you an abusive sociopath thinking you're "just a demanding manager?" Is your spouse trapped by your intimidation, belittlement, passive-aggressive manipulation, paranoia and inflexibility? Are you a military general who's "just following orders?" Do you think you're "just having a little harmless fun with friends" when you joke at the expense of another person (a stranger or a "friend")? Are you cruel, callous, racist, arrogant or maybe "taking some extra latitude" and abusing your authority?

Are you, perhaps...

... a total asshole?

a company is a group of persons...

...as such, they should conduct business the same way as they would conduct themselves face to face with other people.

they don't, by large.

the reason?

anonymity.

especially when beyond arm's length. over the phone. via the internet. whatever.

if they conducted themselves face to face as they conduct themselves with their customers in their safe anonymity, they would have no friends, lovers or social acceptance. they might even be assaulted or arrested.

companies are exempt from certain legal obligations that individual human beings are held accountable for. is that sensible to you? a company is a group of persons... not held accountable for many of their actions. is that fair?

as several independent contractors i've noted have said in public forums: "If I behaved that way to my customers, i'd be out of business. Fast."

you asked for it, now you got it

the removal of my humanity. for your perverse pleasures.

william fucking jefferson, sharon fucking picus

YOU FUCKING OWE ME, YOU BLOOD SUCKING SOCIOPATHIC FUCKS! jace cavacini is a HUMAN BEING WITH RIGHTS which YOU VIOLATED

YOU OWE ME MILLIONS!!!!

madness or death

you're all culpable because you do nothing.
if i was a black/hispanic, pregnant, wheelchair-bound single mother,
someone would speak up for me.

but i'm just a worthless "white male" with no rights.
i only have a disability when you use it against me.

you're all culpable.
employers, friends, co-workers, lovers, family, doctors...

madness or death.
which is your preference for me?

you all did your part;
victimizers, blaming the victim.

gossip, office politics, and bastards like jefferson
who admit to enjoying the politicking.

you owe me a life,
what you took from me,
i want it back.

or i want nothing at all.

give me the resources to live,
or allow me to die with dignity.


the truth is here
and no one gives a shit


"bullying isn't illegal."
- Sharon Picus, KU HR Manager

the end days

days, hours
months, or
something

these are the end days
my end days, for your fun
now i will push as far as i can

there's not much left to do
nor give, 'sides my heart,
with its wretched limits, too

so, push
shove
crawl right up in my face

i owe you the blood
the pain
and tears

wasted on you

all my strain was for you
if you care
which you don't

so

suckle right up till the white
becomes red
empty me out, and be fed

these are the end days
of a battle i never embraced
it's your fantasy, to rule or destroy

and you have done to me
the worst of both worlds

so push, crawl, shove,
and with teeth, be sure to chew and injest
infest your distress upon me

these are my end days
closer than i hoped they would be
and oh so much more real, now

but i know i was better than you
oh i know i was much better than most

well...

i know i was much better than you.

Kutztown University - The Truth - Working in hell - Revised 12-27-07 213pm.pdf

there is always more, this time it's MINE

updated, 3:50am, December 27th, 2007, because i cannot sleep or rest. wonder why.

Kutztown University - The Truth - Working in hell - Revised 12-27-07 213pm.pdf

"If you come at me with any union shit, i'm gonna fight you on it."
- will jefferson, prior to signing my "end of probation period" at KU.

"Your work is fine, but frankly your attitude stinks."
- will jefferson, 3rd, January 2006

jefferson: "I don't want your attitude driving clients away..."
ME: "Wait a minute... Who have i driven away?"
jefferson: "I mean, you walk around here with a black cloud over your head.."
[i had been broken up by a 7-year relationship, starting to be screwed by a six month heart-rapist, and was being bullied by my boss, yet i remained quite kind, generous and light hearted around my clients]
ME: "Will, i'm really concerned about what you just said. Have i driven clients away?"
[more stammering and avoiding the direct question, which i had to repeat]
[long pause, tugging on his throat, jefferson not making eye contact, and then:]
jefferson: [stammering] "well, Jace, not YET!"
ME: [incredulous] "Not YET???" [i was being berated for something i had not done]
jefferson: "Don't you raise your voice at me" [as though i were his child]
- same date as above

i gave up a pre-approved vacation of about a week and three days because elise dicked out on me. i decided i might as well stay at work and help out during some transitions and, you know, be a team player. The response i got was a very quick and unexcited "Gee, thanks, we could really use you around here."

Was this even considered when jefferson was complaining about my attendance? Was this considered when i was staying late to finish work, help clients, clean up or otherwise take some pressure off of the work load (since he didn't like my "productivity").... never once mentioned. Not One Time.

"i saw you staring out the window at the stairwell..."
- Dean Margaret Devlin, after some social gathering that i was going back down stairs afterward. To which i ask: SO FUCKING WHAT?? Lets pass social and personality judgments on the guy who is taking a moment to look at what's outside. That IS the point of a window, right??

"i think that some of this is the depression."
- Devlin, after explaining my frustration with jefferson and her responding by referring to something i never told her nor anyone else. Depression is like the mark of satan, apparently.

"Frankly, i'm frustrated with BOTH of you."
- Dean Devlin, being "fair" after i confronted her about jefferson's continued abuse. Previously, she had the gall to put her arm around my shoulder and tell me to just keep quiet and keep doing my good work and all would be fine.

"Why is it that you were supportive of me earlier on but now the same things jefferson is saying are coming out of your own lips?"
- Me to Dean Devlin. No Response except an embarrassed and pissed look and body language that indicated the discussion was over. i said "This is obviously useless," and walked out of her office.

"Bullying isn't illegal"
- sharon picus, HR, when i told her about jefferson's abuse of me, when she sent me away to be inspected by SEAP, further playing jefferson's game of psychological harassment of me, to drive me out of the workplace.

Don't EVER try to be a team player. Not ever.

the police are just a way to unload guilt and responsibility

don't send them to my house again. Kutztown owes me a year+ of income AND millions in compensation for emotional suffering. send THAT instead.

Kutztown University is to blame for ruining my life, not me. You OWE me. Certainly a FUCKLOAD MORE than sending the police to my house, as non-invasive as they were this time.

Maybe you should READ the actual information i sent instead of doing petty guilt-avoidance bullshit. Anyone can make up words and interpretations, but it takes a real person with attention to detail to get the fucking message. For example, ONCE AGAIN, there was no "threat to kill myself." Stop fabricating fucking lies and start dealing with the truth. You ruined my life. You've killed me. That's on you. You simply have no intention of doing shit about it to make amends.

i was actually sleeping, believe it or not (and the police were cognizant of that, too). Next time send what you owe me: the income you would not let me make, plus compensation for ruining my life.

read the PDF. Examine the truth. i did not state i was going to kill myself. i stated that i am dead and that it is my former employers' fault. But you just don't get it do you? Send the police so you can shed any sense of responsibility you might have for a fleeting moment? Grow up and read what's in front of your face. But no, that's not the KU way.

Kutztown University - The Truth - Working in hell - Revised 12-27-07 213pm.pdf

Merry holidays and happy xmas to those of you who know the truth and respect it; you're loved for your integrity.

The rest of you, have a bad holiday. May strangers and their children and pets give you dirty looks and point fingers at you. May the world know that your reading comprehension stinks and that you have no fear, empathy, heart or soul.... not even during the holidays. Yes, this is 12 months later.... 12 months since you FIRED me.

I DID NOT RESIGN.

- jace cavacini, former employee of KU, who was quite happy to do good work there, was told how great he was by his clients, yet was driven off with violent abuse because other people's egos couldn't handle his nature and refused to accommodate his disability when he revealed it in hopes of improving understanding.

The only thing that matters at KU is gossip and ass-covering.

"Bullying isn't illegal"
- sharon picus, HR, when i told her about jefferson's abuse of me

THAT, is the KU way.

hell is just a word

Kutztown University - The Truth - Working in hell - Revised 12-27-07 213pm.pdf












"Bullying isn't illegal"
- sharon picus, KU HR

disturbed

there are people who find my blog and my artwork to be disturbing. i feel the reality escapes them: these disturbing words and images are the result of being disturbed by cruel and unjust events, often targeted directly at me. the majority of these experiences that have disturbed me are psychologically violent, not physically violent. imagine how much worse my words, my art and my reactions would be if i were not trying my best to exert self control.

i wish to take this concept, embed it firmly in your mind, and have it become conscious before the next time you judge me as one thing or another. in fact, i wish to take this concept further; use me as a starting point for considering what happens to the minds of people who are physically/sexually abused, are witnesses of physical abuse and/or have seen the bodies of their neighbors shredded by shrapnel, limbs twisted and crushed, hanging by loose flesh and burned into forms unrecognizable.

can you imagine this horror?

i have friends who know many more disturbing facts than myself about our country, government, businesses and associated selfish, terrorizing, sociopathic authority figures and organizations. They were once asked (and i paraphrase) "How do you sleep at night, knowing all the bad things that you know?"

It is a question that troubles me; the more i learn from them, the more fearful, restless and impotent i feel.

Their given response (based on current discussion) is multifaceted:

"Sheer exhaustion" was one quick response. But, with further consideration, more optimistic responses came along:

"The more people you connect with who know the same things you know, the less alone and helpless you feel."

"The more you know, the better your chances of defeating it."

Or, as one colorful rephrasing put it: "The more you see [the thing], the easier it is to find where to thrust your sword."

Knowing what i know about the computer industry, its history, behaviors, anti-social tendencies (on the corporate end and on the customer service end), were the direct motivators for "leaving the business." When i began working at Kutztown University in Rohrbach Library's Learning Technology Center, i found that i had a wonderful opportunity before me: i was able to help individuals with education and knowledge instead of apologizing for technological failures i had no control over. i was directly enabling "end users" to shed their feelings of helplessness, intimidation and fear of a technology that was oppressive and where the customer service attitude amounted to "Read The Fucking Manual" and "user error."

i was enabled to enable others at a time in my life which was filled with personal trauma and loss. This allowed me to "survive" the days and nights, knowing that my existence was functional and useful and knowing that i was passing on at least some of my knowledge to others, one by one, perhaps having far more success fighting the computer industry demon at the micro level, one mind at a time, instead of self immolating, in the path of the unstoppable tank called "the bottom line."

This was a life line. Progress in the world of working and business, when there was much backwards motion in my personal life of love, trust and relationships.

During this time, i was built up by people who were soon to become new enemies and toxins. People i trusted to be loyal, professional and moral. These same people quickly tore me down when i reached an almost stable point of equilibrium. One force, in my personal life, that tore me down was my new, foolish and naive love; she became all she claimed to stand against (or, essentially, returned to her childish origins). She was devoid of empathy for my struggles with the business force pulling me down: my own employers. The employers were intimidated by my abilities. The girl was intimidated by her own insecurities. My employers, starting with "will jefferson," continued a lifetime war against my own sense of self with degrading and cruel assumptions, proclamations, defamation and other forms of anti-social psychological violence. My "new lover" repeated (in 1/14th time) the emotional violence previously committed against me by my former "lover" and "friends" (people and events which she had actively damned and swore to protect me from and prove herself better than).

"The lover" became a toxin i had to block from my existence. The employers continued their war against whatever it was they saw as "the enemy" within me.

The basis for all of these events is my knowledge. The things i know and how much i know about them. The way i am able to competently inform others and spread understanding about the reality hidden beneath the "majority preferred" sugar coatings that distract from the underlying truths.

"She" was afraid of being "seen" and "known" and "they" were afraid of being out-shined and undermined in their own stale position of "Peter Principal capability ceilings."

It disturbs the incompetent and "the offenders" to be seen for what they are. It disturbs the comfort of the majority to see the reality of the world around them as being composed of millions of facets and intertwined and co-mingling systems within systems within systems. When a few human minds (the minority or "the thinkers") are able to handle this complexity, seeing the forest and the trees concurrently, the majority is disturbed. The majority are afraid of the "hidden" complexity, egotistically offended that others can see it (demonstrate and prove it) when they cannot and are egotistically terrorized by the potential of their "ignorance" to be "found out."

"The lover" was a life line. She cut that line and then offered to substitute it with a sham. i cut myself out of her life because of how disturbing to me it was to see how easily she could cut me from hers.

Around this time, i discovered another lifeline. flickr. That story has been told to death. The end result will be that i lost contact with other humans of like minds, i lost affirmation and validation and the visible record of that precious element called "social acceptance." Yahoo will get one more negative "failed to respond to contact" point with the BBB and all will have been said and done.

Yet, i still know what i know. All these disturbing things. The knowledge continues to pile up and my mind continues to unwind in my sleep because there is nothing i can do about any of these things. Sheer exhaustion has lead me to disability in regards to the workforce. The "genius ability" (side effect) of my autism gives me near perfect recall (uncontrolled) of all things disturbing me to the extent that i have twisted, toxic dreams and dream-hallucinations, auditory hallucination of my fears and worsening seizures in my sleep (screaming stuttering objections into the faces of the criminals scarring my mind, unable to wake from paralysis and unable to breathe due to my own saliva choking off my airway and vocal cords).

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not aided by the continued exposure to the evils of humanity. i know of no "weak points" into which to thrust my sword, nor even have hope of injuring these demons, let alone destroying them... and... they are what has shaped my very existence to this day.

Despite knowing better, this species called "Human" continues to have evil at its root. The majority are complacent, apathetic and arrogant. The minority groups of "those who know" are despised and hunted without just cause, morality or pause, using methods that are illegal when not simply immoral.

You find me to be disturbing, but i find you, the world at large, to be far more frightening than anything i could ever imagine all alone. The way you mercilessly mutilate your fellow human beings with ego-propped self righteousness and arrogance... the way you manipulate the "facts" and the people over which you have influence... the way you are willing to sacrifice your own species future for your own personal gain today. Shattering bodies of human beings without identity, removing their identity to make their destruction (and their existence) unworthy of note and sheltering yourselves and your royal seed from any discomfort (be that ego, conscience or physical exertion).

Is there any wonder why my art and my words are disturbing? i am a hyper-sensitive human being, aware of so much more than you are capable, being beaten down into suicidal states of mind because i am unacceptable by your anti-social "social norms."

You think i am disturbed? Go to rotton.com or, better yet, go to "Google Images" and do a search for "war wounds" or "birth defects" and dig down into the causes of the horrors you witness via the convenience of distance and digital anonymity. Dare to expose yourself to yourselves before you declare me to be too disturbed to deal with.

the lessons i kept missing

don't love, don't allow love.
don't trust,