do you mean it?

people have a lot of trouble- nowait- problems with that concept.

you're allowed to change your mind about wanting fries with that, but not about throwing away $300 worth of plane tickets because "i changed my mind" and the equivocal "i didn't mean it, or i don't mean it any more." More precisely, "i never said anything that wasn't emotionally valid at the time." [corrected]

oh, great murder defense, there Elise Brown.

"Elise Brown for [government office]! You think that dude with the frankenstein monster head was a waffler... WHOAH BOY!!"

you get to change your mind about what today's wardrobe is going to be, not about how much you care about someone after telling them all kinds of promises. you don't get to ignore them, then make them tiny because you fucked something up on your end and can't own up to it.

do i mean what i say? most of the time, yeah. i'm compulsively-honest. if not, i have to play a role. i can't play roles with people i know for very long. do i mean it when i talk about being dead? do people mean it when they wish George W were dead? somehow it's illegal to actually voice either, but you know people mean it, even if they don't say it. just like i've learned to find out what people are saying when they're not talking, or what they're saying underneath their false talk. underneath their lies and their body language.

i see so much you will never even consider.

when you lie, cheat, steal, backstab, redirect, revise, "forget" and all those other things you so-called "normal" people do all day, every day, all week, every week of the month, all the months of the year.

you're liars. in one way or another, you're liars. when i lie, i tell about it and apologize. when YOU lie, you cover it up.

COWARD.

i mean it.

dicks and pussies. that's all that matters in this world. "i saw yer dick on duh innernet."

and don't forget jenni's gianormously hugestroisities call BOOBIES.

titties.

them too.

this is the only part of this blog entry you understand isn't it?

for jefferson

everything i touched, you broke

i admitted my admiration for you
and you broke it by taking advantage

i admitted my AS to you
and you used it as a weapon against me

i trusted you to be a friend, as you claimed to be
and you broke it into a billion little fragments of hate

i can't even email to the university
because you've poisoned me so
that my words became uncontrolled

OR your infestation of IT worked
and they did as you PRESCRIBED

everything i touched, you broke

my clients
my work
me relationships
my career

everything i touched, you broke

you're so
insecure
so afraid
so small
ignorant

controlling,
or trying to be
and failing

control

over your life
your employees
your supervisors
"human resources"
(sociopaths of a kind
you could only DREAM of being)

your wife
whom you live off of

crushing her will
to speak in public
to do anything which
you disapprove

i hope she sees you;
rotten to the core

i hope she leaves you
to drink at the television
to a downward and
deathly spiral, just
just as you deserve

the world didn't do this to you
you did this to the world
and it reciprocated.
...and you blame it for that.
fool.

your not worth the suffering
yet everything you touch, you brake.

poor reading comprehension = ignorance

quote:

"... Everything that you accuse others of is what YOU are. I am amazed that you can't see that.

Again, you will refuse to look at what I am saying and you will go off on another boring and whiney tirade to deflect the truth of it all. But I just had to tell you how I see you, and I can't be the ONLY person who sees you for what you are. Lots of people run away from you for a reason...not because they're jerks, or sociopaths, or "wimpy", it's because you are INTOLERABLE and you are intolerable not because you've had rough crap happen to you but because of how you've CHOSEN to deal with it and you treat others so nastily.

If by some rare chance you actually paused and acted the way you try to make others act by 'yelling' and 'screaming' at them you might come close to seeing yourself for what you really are. (but you won't) ..."

The first paragraph is exactly what i expect from ignorant and intolerant people who need to project their own problems onto the people who have exposed their own. It's also part of the giveaway. i can read a person's identity by how they word themselves and the memes they use. And yes, THIS is projection: The declaration that the things one has been blamed for doing are actually being done by others, not the person who's REALLY doing it. Everyone knows i hate Freud and am not in full agreement with Wikipedia's validity ... but... HERE.

and here:

6 a: the act of perceiving a mental object as spatially and sensibly objective; also : something so perceived b: the attribution of one's own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects; especially : the externalization of blame, guilt, or responsibility as a defense against anxiety

That last paragraph i included is a gem of poor reading and writing comprehension; where is the completion of the statement? But i wont redirect into complaints about writing skills... Go read the rest of the assault from the ignorant "Stunned" over here. These are exactly the kinds of holier than thou people i can't stand; the ones who talk out their asses in order to make themselves feel better about their own shitty actions. They may sound good on the surface, but when you know them and you analyze what they have said, you get the truth: they're insecure, selfish, arrogant, and best of all, have a personal ax to grind against me (or whoever they're ranting at; and, yeah, i rant too, but at least my rants have some basis of reality to them instead of creative vocabulary and context-free, pack animal attack mentality). This person is more interested in being RIGHT, not being correct and i am not the least bit embarrassed to showcase it.

ASHAMED to be an "American," part one

i want to be dead.
dead dead dead.
kill me kill me kill me.

is that statement going to get me more home invasions and forced medication by ignorant motherfuckers called "the law" and "people who care?" You stupid bastards....

if i had the strength (and money), i would start a legal battle against 201, 302, and 304. Fuck, i don't even know what "law" these sections come from. They are designed to remove your civil rights. How is that a just law?

Our constitution is a pile of lies because it's been amended to uselessness and laws have been created to obfuscate, block and side-step it. The pursuit of life, LIBERTY and HAPPINESS. FUCKING BULLSHIT.

i'm much worse, now, thanks

now i have three more betrayals to keep my mind at disease.
dis ease and disease. same word. different pronunciation. same meaning, in my book.

so how do i sleep and be at peace now?
i want to screw you all. and i don't mean fucking.
i feel raped, pillaged and disposed of as convenient.

thinking hurts more than before
when i can think straight at all
you learned nothing, all this time.

the friends, nothing
the parents, nothing

i'm much much worse, now, thanks so much
for adding to the mental disease i cannot wash out.

Punish the Suicidal Instead of Helping Them

UPDATED HERE: NowPublic.com (re-dated for the day i was released from hospitalization prison)

Instead of asking ourselves how we contributed to the choice of self termination (or how we complacently did nothing - how we maybe could have helped prevent it, as a society, in general), let's call them sick and selfish! Let us, in our arrogance and antipathy, rush them along to the end! (Joe calls this the "Feeding Frenzy: people don't kick people WHEN they're down, they kick them BECAUSE they're down.")

What if you have everything that makes you who you are taken from you?What if your every waking and sleeping moment is filled with memories of rejection, harassment, abuse, or never feeling allowed to just plain be a part of society? How fucking righteous would you really be when all you can remember is cold, heartless disinterest or outright cruelty? See what choices YOU make when you have only ONE left that offers relief.

But no, we don't accept suicide as an option. No sir, not in this nation. Suicide is selfish and stupid. Just like abortion is selfish and stupid. Just like being vegetarian is stupid and pointless.

Suicide isn't painless, but maybe more people need to LISTEN TO ACTUAL SUICIDAL PEOPLE; practice EMPATHY! Discover why suicide becomes hope for relief.

fuck it; people still don't even believe in Asperger's Syndrome. Comprehending suicide as freedom is even more difficult to grasp.

disturbed (a "short summary" of what disturbs me about this world)
http://dysamoria.com/blog/2007/12/disturbed.html

"Google" search "suicide" (go to "Read This First")
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=suicide&btnG=Google+Search

Here's a PERFECT excerpt from the above "Read This First" page:

"Start by considering this statement:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”

That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible." - © Copyright 1995-2006 Martha Ainsworth. All rights reserved.

1. My reduction of pain, or attempts thereof, have been to seek to understand people better so as to work with them better. i tried my damned hardest to harmonize at work with a sociopath who was impossible to please.

2. My attempts at increasing my coping mechanisms have been through art and other solitary activities. These no longer work because the big issue is isolation and loneliness. So i have sought companionship (from females, in a romantic sense). Somehow, i manage to locate just the right people who say all the right things to me up front... and become someone else later. They blame ME for their changed attitude like the mason blames the stone.

UPDATE 2: from a comment on NowPublic by an editor:

jordan at 10:41 on July 10th, 2008
The Golden Gate Bridge has a suicide-prevention hotline phone on the city-side approach. Sometimes it's out of order!

example of my "best friends" from "the old days"

This is a demonstration of my life and only aimed at Dave.

Dave Brinton wrote to me:

I am taking a week's vacation next week. I will be in Allentown from the 30th until the the 6th. For the most part it will just be me and Sam. Erin has to work and isn't coming up until the weekend. You and I are going to the movies on Tuesday. No arguments. No late night showings either. Matinee. The sun will be out. Sam takes her naps from noon to 2pm. That is when we are going. Just you and I.

You will change your sleeping schedule (or lack thereof) as necessary. You will take whatever drugs you feel are necessary. But you will be ready to go to a Noonish movie. We will be going to the best theatre in the valley. The new Saucon Valley Rave. Digital Projection. Professional sound.

This is not a debate. This is not a request.

I will call you Monday with the details. Whether you answer the phone or not is irrelevant. I will be there Tuesday to pick you up. Distance and time is not a factor. If I have to pick you up at 11 to make a 12:45 show then that is what I will do.

I will be there Tuesday. You will be ready. This is not an intervention, just a simple statement of fact.

Please, do not force me break into your home and drag you to the the theatre. I've been trained to do both and I can come armed if you feel that is what it will take.

As for what we're seeing and as a final statement, well, here's a hint: "You won't like me if i'm angry"

"YOU WILL [this]" and "YOU WILL [that]"

A friend of mine replied to Dave:

Hi Dave,

I'm a friend of Jace's, and he forwarded your email to me. If he disagrees with what I write, then he will say so, but I think he sent your message to me so that I could give you feedback on your plan to drag him out to a movie.

You have a plan that would work for a person like you. When you're feeling down it probably helps when someone drags you out to a movie. It distracts you from the problem that's got you down and allows you a moment of perspective to see that the rest of your life is still there, waiting for you to pay attention to it.

You want to help Jace feel better, so it seems like a good thing to do for him. I think your determination is heartwarming.

However, Jace is not a normal guy, and he's not just feeling down, and the rest of his life is not waiting for him. This plan is likely to backfire horrifically. Please don't carry through with it.

You have a thread of friendship based on a positive shared past and Jace is grateful that you still care about him. But he is a very different person now, and much more fragile than you imagine - possibly more fragile than you CAN imagine. (If you read about what it feels like to be depressed and to have PTSD and to have sensory overload problems, then maybe you'll get close to imagining it.)

It's much safer for Jace and you and your friendship if you give up the idea that you can make him feel better. It's not in your power. I wish I could tell you something positive or helpful to do instead, but I can't think of anything.

The bearer of sad news,
[name]

Dave's response:

The thing is [name]. I do not know you. No offense, but why exactly should I take your advice? Maybe I don't know Jace anymore, but I definitely don't know you.

I come to the area where he lives with enough time to visit someone else besides family maybe once a year. So if you are the person that makes decisions for him then I will need to hear that from him.

I've been friends with Jace since 3rd grade. I think i'm the only person left who falls into that category.

He does not owe me anything. I do not demand anything of him (well beyond being conscious, clothed, and preferably not smelling, but I guess I can overlook the last part).

Since as far as I can tell he can still see moving pictures and speak the English language he has all the requirements needed to at least understand the film, if not necessarily enjoy it.

Jace and I don't need a heart to heart. I'm not going to try and 'cure' him or any of that nonsense. I want to go see a movie with someone I ate paste with in kindergarten. I want to watch some big CG green guy yell 'Hulk Smash' while I suck down a 64oz. of my favorite beverage.

When not actively watching the film. My topics of conversation were probably going to revolve around Dr. Who, LEGO's new product line, and other Sci-Fi and Sci-Fi related topics. I'll even talk string theory if he wants, though that was another of our friend's specialties not mine.

About the only time we won't be talking is during the movie. Then i'll need him to shut the hell up. I hate people who talk during a movie.

About the only topics we never saw eye to eye on were music and women.

Which brings me back to you. Why exactly should I take your advice?

If Jace is planning on his life being over then I can at least rest easy knowing he's got 'Hulk Smash' stuck in his head like a bad song.

i replied:

because i asked her (or someone out of the four people who care to handle me a little bit more empathetic online than anyone in the real world) to do something. because my last EEG proved useless. because i have no credit. because i have no job. because i have no way to clear my reputation because of some FUCKING CUNT named will jefferson at KU FUCKED UP MY LIFE. because i was having my sewer back up in the basement. because the girl i'd been seeing just vanished (this is the second time now that someone i've been seeing has done this to me).

because i was not, and am still not, able to communicate (only i napped a bit between thena nd now) because if you force my hand, i will lose it.

"No offense, but" is the exact kind of insensitivity i cannot deal with, joking or not and i do believe i asked you to stop with the joking when i'm hurting. [There are plenty of other veiled insults and passive aggressive commentary in there that hides as "just joking - i'm NOT joking]

if you want to do something constructive, use your resources to fuck over jefferson, or tell [name] how WE can do so. Like, for example: is it public record to find out why someone left the military? i think jefferson was an insubordinate asshole, but that's not his story.

otherwise.... that's all for now

Passive-Aggressive, Holier Than Thou Response from Dave:

Fine. just forget that I asked.

An individual's military records are confidential and personal information. As such they are not public record and are exempt from even the Freedom of Information Act. I cannot give you that information and you cannot access it. Only a court order would gain a civilian access to those files. [all i needed to know]

[but that wasn't enough to beat me into the dirt] Regardless, I will not abuse my position for any kind of personal vendetta. [if you want to know about personal vendetta's you should research what jefferson did to ME which OUR STATE ALLOWED and FACILITATED]

Be careful who you send your emails to and the language they contain. Like the original one that started all this.

Sending it to the White House was not a good idea.

OUTRAGED ME:

so fucking kill me then!

i never asked you to abuse your position, Dave. i've asked people to make use of their resources before and never once asked them to abuse their positions.

"the original one that started all this..."

FUCK.

no have you fucking clue where this all started. maybe all my fucking life growing up with people like you taking the moral and masculine high ground has something to do with it when i played along and did everything i was told to do and i GOT FUCKED UP THE ASS. you're always so FUCKING ENTITLED, GODDAMN IT. i had a fucking career while you and everyone else were in school, now i have fucking NOTHING. you wanna take the moral high ground, FUCK YOU.

and fuck the white house.

i've had all the support from this fucking country i can stand.

AND

i didn't take ANY of this as funny. you know why, Dave? because this is how i've been treated my whole life. not asked. TOLD. not invited, DEMANDED and EXPECTED. There's never an alternative for people like you who have no empathy for the situations of others.

talk about watching what you say in emails......... fucking hypocrite. you "have been trained and can come armed if that's what it takes." bullet, in brain stem. go for it!

should i forward THIS to the useless whitehouse?

FUCK YOU!

[do they do sensitivity training in the FBI??]

AND MORE from me:

im sick of it, Dave. this is why i don't associate with john and tammy any more.

no one has a fucking bit of empathy and yet i[m the one that gets the pop-media bullet point "CAN'T EMPATHIZE"



FUCK YOU ALL

AND STILL MORE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP

you just hve no fucking clue, do you?????

come on, send me some more passive aggressive blame. i love it.

you ever gone weeks at a time without sleep or rest? suffered learning

disabilities that people told you were YOUR OWN PERSONAL ATTITUDE

PROBLEM?? BEEN REFUSED MEDICAL HELP???
F U C K Y O U

And another voice from people who GET IT:

Dave,
You said you wanted to help Jace. The best thing you can do if you truly value his friendship is to back off for a while and learn about the neurological differences between him and you. Jace is a good person. He is a very loving and caring person. It seems to be far more difficult for men to understand AS and the difficulties he has had than it is for women to empathize with him [i beg to differ, since all women who i've dealt with were just as intolerant but hid it until they were ready to leave me]. I will not speculate in this case why that is so. But please, even if you are angry right now, do not respond to him until you have done some outside reading about Asperger's Syndrome and PTSD.

[name]

P. S. You don't know me either, but I know what I am talking about.

remember, help isn't something offered; it's something inflicted by those who want you not to be different from them.

make amends or i'm killing myself

(ADDED STUFF BELOW)
Kutztown University, will jefferson, sharon picus, margaret devlin, HR, the "Office of Social Equity," the Union and several other managerial and Union-related people destroyed my ability to lead a normal life:

• jefferson discriminated against me based on age (youth) and disability (autism).
  
• jefferson harassed me with passive-aggressive obstruction of my work, direct verbal abuse and defamation of my character and work ethic to my coworkers and management.
  
• jefferson threatened me not to speak with the union about conflicts with him.
  
• management (devlin and HR) refused to do their jobs when the abuse was brought to their attention.
  
• management (devlin and HR) harassed me directly by defamation of me to my coworkers, union and other management.
  
• HR harassed me by sending me away from work to be "examined by a psychiatrist," which was totally playing along with jefferson's fraudulent claim/defamation of me to HR and coworkers.
• management did nothing when it was made clear that jefferson was behaving with oppressive, harassing and aggressive behavior that coworkers sensed as disconcerting indicators of potential violence against me.
  
• the union did nothing to assist or advise me.
  
• a union representative advised me against filing a grievance because "it probably wont accomplish anything."
  
• another union representative advised me to "play along with management" because he'd been through a similar situation (he was brought up on drug use charges, i was being harassed by fraudulent claims made by jefferson to campus security).
  
• another union representative told me "management protects its own."
  
• the union did not represent or defend me when i was brought under charges of potential safety risk due to jefferson's fraud.
  
• the union made declarations of investigation that were not followed through with.
  
• the union management made declarations to investigate and did nothing but allow HR to waste the 15-day statute of limitations on filing grievances.
  
• the union management refused to respond to emails and phone calls.
  
• the university eliminated my job by declaring that i resigned when i had NOT done so, two days before xmas holiday.
  
• the university, the union and all people mentioned clearly acted in their own personal and managerial best interests and for their own convenience and never once attempted to resolve the real cause of the problems where they started from day one: will jefferson!

i am living in hell on earth:

• i cannot eat properly because of medications, stress, anxiety and a failing nervous system.
  
• i cannot get slow-wave sleep so my mental facilities are disintegrating.
  
• i have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, paranoia and am developing BPD in response to the abuse i've received.
  
• i have nightmares/hallucinations instead of sleep.
  
• i am extremely suicidal and feel that i have NO legal rights, protection, accommodation or even people to believe me.
  
• i am looked at as a leech on society by disability and welfare by way of continuously decreasing allotments for food and medical treatment.
  
• i am on medications that make me ill with side effects which require other medications, all of which have become physical addictions because of the nature of the medications. i can't get off of them without going through health-risking withdrawal.
  
• AmeriHealth Mercy refuses me access to the one medication that might help with my sleep disorder.
  
• i am isolated, my credit has been destroyed, i'm lonely, and no one has done ANYTHING to the criminals to have brought my life to this point.
  
• my family is suffering because of attempting to assist me while they are already suffering their own problems.

No pill and no platitudes will ever rectify the real cause of all of these problems:

MY HUMAN RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED AND NO ONE WHO'S RESPONSIBILITY IT IS TO DEAL WITH THAT FACT WILL DO SO. I AM IGNORED, DISCARDED, MARGINALIZED, REFUSED AND HARASSED BY HAVING A DIAGNOSED DISABILITY WHICH HAS BECOME 100 TIMES WORSE BECAUSE OF ABUSE FROM MY FORMER EMPLOYER, KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY.

I WANT COMPENSATION OR I WANT DEATH. THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE.


The Evidence, the Story, the Whole Truth


Christine said (on myspace):

You want compensation from whom? Perhaps you will receive it in another form, that is if you are open to it and to your future. We will all die soon enough. Now is not your time Jace. We did not determine our birth so the natural order of things is that we should not determine our death either. No person should ever have that much say in anothers death, unless of course society dictates it as a punishment for heinous crimes. Yet if no one should rightfully harm you, why should you harm yourself? Ok i know i am speaking from a mostly rational standpoint here. Yet i do believe that this is the standpoint that allows us the most freedom. As emotions, although they have their role and we cant exist without them, well they are unpredictable, one day you may feel like dying and the next you feel like living. So theyre not a reliable source for reference in taking action in our own lives and the lives of others. We must balance both reason and emotion, and by so doing come up with viable solutions that will impact our lives for the greater good for ourselves and others. I want to feel triumphant in my life. Not to win so much, but just to laugh and be happy..to always have the heart of a child and never allow bitter roots to strangle it out. If we can laugh in the midst of our experience then we know we are gonna be ok. People need support when they are sad. I hope you will continue to receive enough support from the people that do care for you, so that you are able to let go of the suicide idealations. Only you can do this Jace, you know this. It is not a positive mindset to want to do this, so it can not so much be of benefit until you turn it into a postive in your life. Perhaps you can help others at some point as you will be able to wholeheartedly relate to anyone who has desires to take their life. This can be done yet Jace, you need support though it from your friends. Hope today gives you more rest and peace.

Posted by Christine on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 7:27 AM

i replied:

the heart of a child... something i was not allowed to have... i have my Legos... i have my classic Doctor Who... but i have no one to share these things with ... so i am still isolated when trying to enjoy those things. i do photography... but it's just of me. i have no one else to do it with. music: no one to share it with. people don't even like my music. i mean, that's fine if it's not their thing, but it's just another place where i'm alone.

i feel like dying every single day. especially now. i want to be as good as possible to those i care for, but in the end, they will find that i've served my purpose and they will move on. i feel like dying every day because i'm tired of what my life IS and has always been.

who do i want amends from?

The STATE.

even elise.

But mostly KUTZTOWN UNIVERSITY AND THE STATE OR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

i want my LIFE back. i FOUGHT to have that life. i EARNED it and it was STOLEN FROM ME in ways that violate my human rights and laws. i DESERVE to have compensation but i have no MONEY to seek it actively.

So i'm sick and i'm tired of being sick and i'm tired of being... just this.

i have so much more that i could be if it were allowed. i was there, doing it and i was horribly VIOLATED. it is more than the loss of a job or a girlfriend. MY LIFE WAS ACTIVELY DESTROYED. jefferson is the guy who introduced my to my realtor Bob Berner (a great guy)... and then, when i was in the process of buying my house, jefferson actually talked to my best co-worker about how "jace is just a kid. he doesn't know what he's doing... if he wants to go bankrupt that's his fucking problem." The man sought to ruin what i was accomplishing out of his own HATE of me for being what i am at my age when HE WASN'T what he wanted to be at my age, or didn't get to be what he WANTED to be at my age. He has several times given me "i [this or that] when i was your age. the military straightened me out... " etc.

I WAS TARGETED AND DESTROYED BY A SOCIOPATH. I WANT COMPENSATION FOR THIS CRIME.

Posted by dysamoria on Monday, June 16, 2008 at 5:07 PM

neuroracism: still fighting to kill children's will to live

TO: The Entire St. Lucie County School Board (HensleyK@stlucie.k12.fl.us, IngersollT@stlucie.k12.fl.us, MillerJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us, CarvelliJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us, HilsonC@stlucie.k12.fl.us)
RE: Alex Barton's Human Rights Violated
B/CC: Friends, parents, family, lawmakers, Human Rights Organizations, etc.

i'm ... horrified... - No, that word isn't strong enough. i'm DISGUSTED... - No, that's still not enough to express my OUTRAGE...

Wendy Portillo's display of ignorance and cruelty is inhuman. i would hope she loses her employment over this disgusting act of neuroracism and intolerance. It goes beyond intolerance. Her students have learned, at 5-years of age, that they can exclude other children by force simply because they do not "like" something about them. This is the birthplace of bullying, which is mental abuse (and leads to physical abuse). This is anti-education. It is the spread of ignorance to those who are there to be taught. Wendy Portillo's ignorance has just become a powerful message of cruelty to those who will replicate it and those who have been victimized by it.

i should know: i have Asperger's Syndrome. i always have. Alex Barton at least has the opportunity i never had: proper diagnoses and proper care... but Wendy Portillo has sabotaged Alex Barton's chances for a better future. Because of the cruelty and insensitive abuse he was subjected to, in front of an entire class of peers and executed BY an authority figure (Ms. Portillo), he now has great potential to become... LIKE ME.

http://dysamoria.com

i was abused and harassed from day one. There was no diagnostics for me and none were pending or in progress until i forced my way through the ignorant medical system almost four years ago, starting at age 29. i'm 32 now. NOW i have my diagnosis. It is far too little and far too late. People like your Ms. Portillo have ruined my ability to function as an independent adult... long before i became one.

i was timid and had probably many of the same difficulties as your "teacher's" victim Alex Barton; the "authority" and the peers were judgmental and ignorant. i was victimized by constant "corrections," intimidating, confusing and illogical instruction by "authority figures" and penalized with horribly non-applicable "disciplinary actions." i was disallowed advocation, accommodation, compassion or empathy. i learned very quickly that i was worthless in a world of cold, empathy-devoid, hate-filled monsters. i fought throughout my entire life and i lost. The last battlefield was employment by Kutztown University of PA. Diversity? Human Rights? Unions? Law? Nothing. No rights. No support. Where there is no money, there is no way. Where there is no mental stamina, there is no ability to FIGHT to seek help.

How old is Alex Barton? FIVE?? We're talking about a CHILD. What chances are there for him? Are his parents wealthy and able to spend millions fighting ignorance in institutionalized thinking environments like your school?

i thought children were supposed to be our most precious assets and were to be protected at all costs... but apparently that is a falsehood ... merely mystical fantasy and propaganda. Apparently, it is sanctioned by "authority figures" to grotesquely abuse children born with neurological differences from "the norm" because "someone doesn't like them."

St. Lucie... Saint!?!? This is not a name applicable to a domain run by antipathy, racism, intolerance, ignorance and cruelty. What's the two letter abbreviation for "demon?"

There should be a warning notice on your website which indicates that children of differing neurology are unwelcome and will be tossed out like filthy refuse.

i DARE you to look me in the eyes, via my website and my blog, and see what people have made of me by treating me as your school has treated Alex Barton. Tell me that my life of suffering and abuse is acceptable and then go tell Alex Barton what he is likely to become because people under YOUR AUTHORITY are allowed to propagate fear, hatred, cruelty, ignorant judgment, and neuroracism. Look into OUR eyes and tell us that we are inhuman in yours; tell us that we are worthless.

"Alex hasn't been back to school since then, and Barton said he won't be returning. He starts screaming when she brings him with her to drop off his sibling at school.

Thursday night, his mother heard him saying "I'm not special" over and over.

Barton said Alex is reliving the incident."

You enabled and allowed this mental damage to be done to an extremely impressionable and pliable human child's mind. i KNOW what reliving toxic experiences is like. i experience it every day and night. i cannot sleep. My brain will not rest. i am on disability because sociopathic cruelty and neuroracism forced me from a career i loved and excelled at. The organ in my skull called a brain is failing because of insomnia, a lifelong struggle for those with autism, made terminal via lifelong abuse. When i close my eyes and dream, i scream, i yell, i am abused again and again by reliving remixes of the abuse.

Look Alex Barton in the eyes and tell him that you condemn him to a life of misery and disability. A life condemned to being "less than," living in an intolerant society that WILL beat him down no matter how hard he tries.

Thursday night, his mother heard him saying "I'm not special" over and over.

Barton said Alex is reliving the incident."

...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.

Creatures like YOUR KIND have damned me to a life of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, sleep seizures, nightmares, Borderline Personality Disorder, toxic memory replays, human rights violations, harassment, social abandonment, isolation and what is becoming terminal insomnia (the state supplied disability health "coverage" refuses me access to the ONE medication that can help my brain attain delta wave sleep, the only stage in which the brain, as an organ, can rest and repair damage from stress and activity).

...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.

i hope your school's reputation is forced to relive this indecent event as a permanent public relations scar; a reminder of when your school violated- no- RAPED the developing mind of a fragile 5-year-old CHILD with ignorance, neuroracism and intolerance.

-jace cavacini
adult with autism, shunned by society and harassed into disability by antipathy for 32+ years.

elderly abusing disabled people??

"Elder Abuse" is a term to describe the abuse of elderly people. This can occur in the home (by relatives or outpatient-care nurses) or in group homes for the elderly (by employees). It's a terrible- no- horrible problem. Often these abused persons have no way of seeking help. Who would believe the "crazy old person" when telling tales of otherworldly treatment in a facility designed to care for elders when they need assistance?

It's all too true and all too real.

To make matters worse, there's another way of using the word "elderly" with the word "abuse." It is being discovered as another frightening and growing trend that elderly people are abusing younger people who have disabilities.

You read that correctly.

First, think about a few issues elderly people face:

1. Isolation and loneliness - not all elderly people have spouses or close friends, as these support persons may have died off. They're lonely and ...
   
2. Boredom - i'm sure you've had times where you felt like stomping bugs or throwing spitballs because you were just THAT horribly bored. Lack of intellectual stimulus leads to atrophy of the intellect. Combine that with number one, above, isolation and loneliness... you get lots of impulses to occupy yourself with ANYTHING, including things that... well... really don't matter. Obsessing over the lawn. Worse, things that aren't your business, like other people's lawns.
   
3. Decades of baggage - i don't mean luggage. i refer to decades of unhandled emotional problems. Problems which may have been marginal and manageable when items 1 and 2 above were not problems have a tendency to grow into monster problems. OCD, paranoia, insecurities, low self esteem, etc. These become pathological and dangerous to harmonious interaction with neighbors and family members.
   
4. Social ignorance - i do not suggest elderly people are stupid. i suggest that they are out of touch with modern awareness of things such as disabilities, which is the focal point of this article.
   

Now, instead of ONLY giving you my likely-biased personal examples, i will first bring to you the comments posted on a forum called "Butch-Femme" which deals with supporting individuals with gender role issues. They had a particularly interesting thread about cyber bullying and other types of harassment. i will quote the relevant comments below:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

hi there everyone

... i liked the information you posted regarding PTSD as a result of bullying, because i am working right now with a housing authority, fair housing officer, legal rights, & the civil rights commission [plus more contacts], on this very issue-

senior citizens have been doing the bullying- i.e., targeting & exploiting individuals who may have serious/sensitive vulnerabilities along the lines of mental/neurological/emotional- and it's been a surreal scenario because the senior citizens are claiming "elder abuse!" they look like neatly dressed senior citizens with fearful expressions and are convincing as can be- except - they've been caught in the act with pretty heavy duty acts of discrimination...

their "deliberate" behaviours: targeting; stalking; threatening; hate-crimes; animal cruelty; discrimination; and so on- have created personal hells for their targets because it interferes not only in the victims use all common areas, public transportation, and personal safety within that particular community, it's broader still- the bullies have "recruited" people from outside of the housing community- so- the bus who picks up some of the mentally ill people for example, doesn't offer rides because the supervisor is a friend of the main bully at the residental community, who has listened to all of the gossip, accusations, and- so on...

i met and helped a woman over a year ago [reinstated transportation rights, no small undertaking! she needed the bus in order to visit the market to have food-] - she had her "rights" all along- but has a mental illness & besides the bus intimidation, had been bullied for using the sidewalk, laundry room, playing bingo, et c for come to find out- humiliated, ostracized, name-called, et c for *** 8 *** years inside [and outside] of her community- it's how i uncovered the discrimination / senior citizen bullies there-

the senior citizens would ring up the police department [and fire department] and have an officer dispatched at an odd hour to the home[s] of their target[s]- for everything under the stars, although nothing was "found" by the officer during the call... the bullies managed to further add stress/anxiety levels of the targeted individuals by disrupting sleep schedules...

patterns began to emerge - the seniors contacted the police stating they were being harrassed by the mentally ill- and feared the Victims- were out to get The Seniors !

hypervigilant- not paranoid- targets figured out whatever they were blamed for doing, is exactly what the bullies were up to- it was projected: blamed/reversed on the victims ...

the bullies are presently being dealt with by law enforcement, housing, and possibly a trial is in the not too distant future...
...
909
x
---------------------------

End Quote.

Is this story shocking to you? It wasn't shocking to me. In fact, this was pointed out to me by a friend who visits and comments on my blog. He did some searching to see if there were other examples of my personal struggles with elderly neighbors and sent me the link to 909's posting. This friend has been a wonderful assistance to me.

Another quote:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

Is bullying of adults seen as a lesser crime, a lesser concern?

dear bardicsong

i found this question of particular interest - many resources/support systems often can be fairly accessible for [parents of] children &/or young adults who are experiencing victimizing- stressful-frightening- circumstances: bullying; disabilities; medical conditions; and so on...

the adult appears to have minimal apertures in some, but not all support systems- perhaps not so much with the mainstream groups for depression and/or ptsd, medical illnesses, et c... bullying , and the emotional impact [in addition to physical/spiritual/intellectual] for adults who may be dealing with a disability of some sort is more complicated at times, in actual presentation of symptoms...

the victim bullied [with or without disability] may be seen as a crazy adult who *should * know better- there are multiple scenarios whenever an individual has not the typical *coping skills * to begin with- bullying can create so many frustrations for the victim, who may be trying to stand up for herself that she actually appears as a bully...

disabled/vulnerable people are just the ones certain bullies target/seek out- there's a spectrum of bully-types, as there are people on the spectrum with autism, depression, intelligence, support systems, comprehension of what defines bullying, and more...

i sure hope this makes sense- there are excellent contributions in this thread- thanking you all-

all the best to everyone!

respectfully,
909
---------------------------

End Quote.

i couldn't have said these things better myself. Just for the hell of it, here's the reply i sent to 909:

i am high functioning autistic. AS, to be specific. i was directed to your posting, 909, by a friend who is into relationships research. This is what i had to say:

"This is incredible. Just a few days ago, i went out into my back yard to pick berries from my overweighted golden raspberry bush... i was out there no longer than 5 minutes and the wacko on my right came out to harass me about my lawn (which is not breaking any ordinances), my pale of lawn pullings (it's been sitting there to dry and allow the bugs to bail out, so i can use it for mulch to keep the weeds down where i have intentionally planted stuff, like the berry bushes), and so on. i literally fear going outside because one jerk or the other will come out to harass me. i even considered calling the police to make a complaint. This woman came out no less than four times and WATCHED ME from her door, sending complaints that i couldn't and didn't care to hear. i tried to take it all in stride and just say "yeah yeah" and not even look at her, but i shouldn't even have to deal with it. i resolved to tell the next one who harasses me "Could you possibly allow me to have peace in my own yard!!!""


BOTH next door neighbors are senior citizens. BOTH of them treat me like the problem is MINE. The one on the right is OCD and cannot stand my yard. The one on the left is OCD+ other things and has harassed me, outright, while working in my own yard WITH a witness!!!

i have PTSD from a life time of mental abuse. i have insomnia and other parasomnias from the same (and from my neurology). i WAS a functioning member of society, earning a living, working a professional job training people on technology use. The straw that broke me was more like a giant redwood crashing through the back of my skull, thrown at me by people i thought were friends and professionals. My immediate supervisor at work is a sociopath. He lied to me, manipulated me, and finally harassed me to no end. The dean of our dept., his boss, told me all kinds of things to put me at ease when i finally walked off the job in tears and later came back. Months later, because i kept my mouth shut like the dean advised, SHE was spewing the same crap out of her mouth that HE had been. i was told by others at my workplace that the dean tends to believe whoever gets to her first and my sociopathic boss was ALWAYS using and abusing ANY opportunity to talk me down in front of others (since he finally had had it made clear that i wasn't going to take it from him any more).

Both bosses showed neuroracism and age-related prejudice.

i have a lot of talk about it on my blog at http://dysamoria.com , but i just wanted to say that your posting, 909, totally amazed me. It also makes me feel slightly LESS specifically targeted.

i've known for a long time how people think about neurological disorders and general disabilities and i know the elderly have an even worse viewpoint on it, as if it is a chosen lifestyle. Both next door neighbors have extreme anti-social problems and psychological problems of their own. They obsess (OBSESS) over their yards and they harass me and intimidate, and threaten me about mine. When do they do it? WHEN i'm WORKING on my yard!!!!!

i don't know why it's like this (actually i do, i have traits of autistic savant genius)... i wish it weren't like this and it's driving me insane (as if being on disability from constant social/mental abuse hasn't done enough damage). If you want to use me as a reference example of the same thing happening elsewhere, feel free to get in contact with me. The one "my age" neighbor told me just yesterday that the neighbor on my left side HATES her (this girl is, IMO, quite like myself, but she has a stronger stomach than myself and apparently doesn't let it get to her somehow).

anyway... thanks for sharing that information

dysamoria at dysamoria dot com.

i have since been harassed again. The following is an email i sent to my local police chief (and soon i will share this article with him as well. For context, the two elderly neighbors on the immediate left and right of my row home have harassed me primarily about ... my yard.

Quote:

Hello Chief,

To follow-up: my father and i worked on my yards today after i came home from the hospital. i have cropping to do yet around plants i am nurturing, but the yard no longer has foot-tall grass. i also edged the front yard since the dirt was encroaching upon the sidewalk, then sweaped-up the mess.

Yesterday, before entering my home when my dad dropped me off from the hospital, i pulled tall grass out with my hands (while wearing my EEG) because i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in ways that it affects my neighbors; i don't want anyone to be required to tromp through the grass between street and sidewalk. So, i'm actually pretty aware of and conscientious of these things, even if i can't always act on it immediately. i appreciate your reminder and assistance, though :)

Also, i wanted to ask that you make a "polite reminder" to Anna that she mind her own business. As has happened EVERY TIME that i've worked on my yard from day ONE in Coplay to TODAY, i was trimming and she came out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to "talk" to me. i had ear plugs in to protect from the trimmer noise and i KNEW she was there to harass me, so i ignored her for a minute. Finally, after i could no longer handle her lurking and picking at the ground, i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was standing only 1 foot from me already). i didn't even get a chance to talk before she started "asking" if i was going to remove "those weeds over there" (pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND, while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY). i told her "Do you see me working here?" She replied "Yes, but," and i interrupted by continuing "i am working on my yard." She then started AGAIN to complain and i again interrupted her by saying: "i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go back to your own place." She tried to "win" an argument i was not having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away. About 15 to 20 minutes later, while i was out front again, Anna was "conspicuously whispering" to Rich's wife (the neighbor next door down, i don't remember her name) and i felt that she was complaining about me because Rich's wife politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without saying anything. Rich's wife's kids were playing with Mary's kids. Mary and Sam are on the other side of Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has harassed me, in the opposite direction. Dotty has not bothered me in months, though she did ignore me when walking past me as i was sweeping up HER side of the cement walkway prior to making a mess with edging (which i cleaned up).

Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. i know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel that her argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her husband in the ground. Her type of behavior is extremely toxic to me because it is exactly what i dealt with at KU. It is what i suffered most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my job because they cannot be satisfied. Ever. The next time she harasses me, i will contact Coplay Police and ask to press harassment charges against her. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like this, whether they are "old" or not. She's OCD and passive-aggressive and it's not an "old age problem" alone. It's an anti-social disorder, as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part in trying to fit into society. i don't see why i should suffer the anti-social harassments and abuses of people who skate just along the edge of legality when they strike just because they're old or not breaking the law conspicuously. i do believe i have the right to live and work in non-hostile environments. My right at work was violated. i don't want to continue having it violated in my own yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with the requirements of the society.

Please forgive my complaining nature. i'm not directing this at YOU in any way other than "you're the person who deals with the community as a member of the social support structure." i blame nothing on you or on Coplay. i blame poorly "trained" individuals who wont allow other individuals to live without harassment; you're not one of those problem individuals. i appreciate your help and your communication VERY much and hope that we can continue to maintain and grow our understandings of each other.

OCD reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD
Passive-aggressive reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggression#Common_signs
These and this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malicious_compliance are several of the things that abusive people have demonstrated while abusing me in my lifetime, among others, like sociopathy (not a great reference but best i could find at the moment since WikiPedia refuses to acknowledge it just like the DSM-IV TR).

Thank you for your time, your consideration and, most importantly, your patience.

-jace

p.s.: my EEG gear looks like this:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3111/2528464721_576de8328a_b.jpg
and i've updated my blog with a similar account of events... don't know if you still check it out or not.

End Quote.

Interesting? Boring? Sorry. Go read other stories about bombs and politics.

Unbelievable? Sorry, but it's all too real. i used to think that, were i in a wheelchair, people would be more patient and kind to me because they could SEE my disability. Maybe that's just not true. Maybe there are some people who just will never care about another person outside their own personal interests. i mean, wouldn't you stop and think a moment after your neighbor has posted signs on his door about not being able to tolerate further abuse and then when seeing that same neighbor wearing an ambulatory EEG on his head with a recorder on his hip... would you be more likely to show patience or would you just assume the guy is" a crazy adult who *should * know better??"

Human beings have a terrible habit of abusing members of their own species and their own communities. i fail to see the relevance in excusing anyone for age. Being impolite and rude is a little more universally understood than "autism," so why do so many people fail the most basic of rules of engagement when interacting with other people?

the fuckers win again: nightmares, sleep seizures

all of the stress caused by the recent topics below lead me to hours of undrugged, exhausted sleep where i had nightmares unending, paralysis and seizure activity. my existence is torture and the blame goes to all of the various motherfuckers listed below this posting on into the last three years. when do i get my relief and my payback for suffering your fucking sociopathic society's abuse??

To: board.directors@covidien.com, investor.relations@covidien.com, wayde.mcmillan@covidien.com, cole.lannum@covidien.com, david.young@covidien.com, grants.administrator@covidien.com, "Spencer, Gina"
Date: May 30, 3:50am.

i just spent the last several hours suffering nightmares, not resting, and ending up with a sleep seizure because of the compounded stresses of having to deal with your lousy company and people like mr. joe doria for far too long.

your organization is sociopathic. it has no moral or ethical responsibility. it's all talk and will talk and lawyer its way out of any responsibility of any kind. corporate entities like covidien are a cruel joke and cancer on society itself.

stop claiming to care when all that really matters to your corporation is money and disclaiming all responsibility for its actions.

your company, and the rest of the abusers i've suffered my 32 years of autistic life owe me millions in compensation. instead, you just legalese and BS your way through everything.

law should put your business down permanently.
you should be ashamed from the highest levels to the bottom.

-jace cavacini
victim of abuse since childhood, soon to be dead from it.

force them to comply via embarassment

This is a follow-up to the previous blog entry...

Today i received three emails in response to my mass mailing. First, chronologically, was from the hospital. A technician informed me that they changed their software and could provide me with a CD with my raw data on it (like i had asked, over a year ago, but was told this was not possible). the second email, chronologically, was from Joe Doria at Covidien. i wont even attempt to describe. just read it below:

Jace,

As I have always said, the issue of patient data, and viewing patient data is between you and the Sleep Lab.

I have copied JoBeth at the lab, and she will be contacting you directly. I understand that they have offered to have you come into the sleep lab to review the record with the staff but you have not done so.

I would appreciate it if you dealt directly with your doctor, and with the sleep lab in the future for any requests which pertain to your confidential patient information.

Respectfully,

Joe Doria

i replied with the following:

"Respectfully??" Not even close, Mr. Doria. Even in your last email, you STILL refused to answer the same damn question i've asked sensibly and politely for over a year.

Jobeth emailed me prior to your email. She informed me that the software they have at this time allows me to take my data home on a CD for viewing on my own computer. Things apparently changed since the original test, but because YOU were uncooperative and refused to answer my very simple question about the software, and because you refused to facilitate understanding of your company's product between both parties, NOTHING was accomplished for over a year. YOU were contacted to determine if there was a technical limitation or a misunderstanding by the technicians at the hospital. You were not contacted to deal with "confidential patient information." That's patently absurd. You simply refused to cooperate for whatever reason (i can only imagine; laziness, sociopathy, apathy, disinterest...).

Unprofessional and unkind.

Don't claim to sympathize. i don't want your last minute hollow words of customer service. Don't give me the passive-aggressive argument that i "refused to go in to the doctor office to review my data." This is nonsense. There is no basis in fact for such nonsense because it is completely outside the context of my inquiry. You would know that if you comprehended my request from day one (or 20). i can only assume it's an attitude problem on your part; if you had taken a few minutes to actually deal with my very specific inquiry, this would have probably been finished a year ago.

There is no reason why i should have had to send a mass email throughout Covidien just to get this resolved. This was my last resort after dealing with a year of deadlocked stonewalling from you. Your handling of this has been unprofessional and rude and you've clearly been forced to take the action you should have taken previously.

You've clearly demonstrated an incapacity to empathize with the feelings and emotions of other human beings and such a personality has no sense of ever doing wrong. You don't belong in a position relating to the handling of technology for human health care. Unless you're going to admit your wrongdoing and apologize, just stay silent from this point on. There's clearly nothing you can (or will) do for me and this is my final message to you. Hopefully someone of authority over you has now noticed your lack of customer service and communication skills. It didn't have to go down this way. This is your doing. It doesn't take an autistic genius to figure that out.

-jace cavacini

i copied this to the kind person at the hospital and to the person who sent me the third message, chronologically: a person responding to my complaint of ethical concerns to the Covidien Board of Directors. i explained to her that her message demonstrated that she did not read the actual email exchange between myself and Doria because she quoted the same irrellivent nonsense Doria did (that i was asking them to provide my "confidential patient information."

How do these people even get EMPLOYMENT when they have such poor reading comprehension and why the HELL am i the one who lost my employment when incompetent people like Joe Doria are able to work for multi-billion-dollar corporations in HEALTH CARE??

Below is the exchange between myself and Gina Spencer of Covidien:

From: jace
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 4:40 AM
To: #Grants Administrator; Young, David; Lannum, Cole; McMillan, Wayde; #Covidien Investor Relations; #Covidien Board of Directors
Subject: [Fwd: Re: Thank you for responding, but i still need some confirmation: Re: FW: at least have the decency to RESPOND THIS TIME]

Please examine this communication exchange and tell me if Joe Doria is behaving in the way that your company thinks is "Socially Responsible," "compassionate," and "accountable" (among other self-congratulatory terms)...

i notice that your "socially responsible" and "accountable" board of directors and management have self-congratulatory bios, but not a single contact method (phone or email).

also, i still need a direct and relevant answer to my very important question.
--------

Spencer's reply (she was not one of the addressed):

Dear Mr. Cavacini:

I am in receipt of your e-mail dated May 29, 2008, to the Covidien Board of Directors. This is indeed the correct contact method to notify the Board of Directors and Senior Management of any ethical concerns.

Regarding your message to Mr. Doria and subsequently to the Board of Directors (et. al.), Covidien is the manufacturer of the Sandman equipment, but we do not have access to patient data. It would be inappropriate for us obtain your data from the lab to fulfill your request because there are laws that govern patient privacy, and we will not violate those laws.

I believe Mr. Doria has arranged for the sleep lab to help fulfill your request. It is my understanding that Mr. Doria has arranged with JoBeth Newhard of the LHV Sleep Disorders Center to provide you with your data in a portable format. I was forwarded a copy of an e-mail sent to you on May 29th from Ms. Newhard that outlines how you may take advantage of this opportunity.

I believe this settles your matter in a positive manner, which is hopefully acceptable to you. Good luck with your pursuit of this matter and, of course, your health.

Sincerely,

Gina Spencer
Ombudsman

Please note new E-Mail address: gina.spencer@covidien.com

That's right, folks... these people have employment and comfort while i have disability checks that don't cover my living expenses after sociopathic people (such as will jefferson and sharon picus at Kutztown University and these Covidien people) ruined my ability to function via passive-aggressive harassment, abuse and illegal behavior. Yes. jace loses. The disabled person loses to the privileged people.

Fucking spectacular.

As i asked previously: when did this become acceptable business practice? This nation is going down the toilet because passive-aggressive people win.

Don't let them. This is YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY.

passive-aggressive neighborhoods...

my father and i worked on my lawn today after he brought me home from a check of my ambulatory EEG wiring at hospital.
Yesterday, after he dropped me off from the hospital, i pulled tall grass with my hands (while wearing my EEG) because i my trimmer batteries needed charging. i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in how it affects my neighbors; why make anyone tromp through grass between their vehicles and the sidewalk?

... Back to today...

As has happened EVERY TIME i've worked on my yard, from day ONE at my house, while i was trimming, my elderly neighbor Anna came out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to "talk" to me. i wore ear plugs to protect from the trimmer noise. i KNEW Anna was there to harass me. i tried to ignore her. Finally, i could no tolerate no more.

i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was only one foot from me already). i didn't get a chance to talk before she started "asking" if i was going to "remove those weeds over there" (pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND, while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY).

i told her "Do you see me working here?"
She replied "Yes, but-"
i interrupted with: "i am working on my yard."
She then started AGAIN to complain and i again interrupted her:
"i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go back to your own place."
She tried to "win" an argument i was not having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away.

About 15 to 20 minutes later, Anna was "conspicuously whispering" to another neighbor; i felt the "spidey sense tingling" ... seemed she was complaining about me. The second woman politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without words.

On the opposite side of me lives Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has harassed me. She's not bothered me in months, though she ignored the hell outta me walking past me as i was sweeping-up HER side of the walkway.

Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. Dotty is passive-aggressive and maybe has OCD a bit, too. i know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel Anna's argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her husband in the ground.

These types of behavior are extremely toxic. Especially to me. It's exactly what i dealt with at KU. It 's what i suffered most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my job because these people cannot be satisfied.

Not Ever.

The next time Anna harasses me, i'll contact the police and press harassment charges. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like this, whether they are "old" or not. OCD and passive-aggressive disorder aren't just "old age problems." They're anti-social disorders, as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part, trying to fit into society. i don't see why i should suffer anti-social harassments and abuses by people who skate just along the edge of legality when they strike... just because "they're old" or because they're "not breaking the law conspicuously."

"Bullying isn't illegal" - Sharon Picus, HR Manager, Kutztown University, Sociopath.

i believe i have the right to live and work in non-hostile environments. That right at work was violated. i won't continue allowing it to be violated in my own goddamned yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with the requirements of the society.

OCD reference
Passive-aggressive reference
Malicious_compliance (related to above and what i've suffered)
Sociopathy reference (not a great reference but best i could find quickly and better than Wiki's because Wiki's pedantic and inflexible nature of not including information that's not agreed to by the shitty DSM-IV TR. More about sociopathy on my blog).

(00:35 - heart palpitation, sitting on shitter, typing these recent blogs on laptop)