nastiness begets nastiness, Brielle

thanks to "able" and others... i bring you a cross posting from myfuckingspace blog:

Monique Junot, as she's currently going by on MySpace.com, is a FRAUD of a person.

Yes, YOU, Brielle.

Also known as KußßKußß or Brialala (on OKC which she deleted) or Brie or Brielle or ZombiePussay on AIM, or ironauricle on tumblr, 0grebattle on LiveJournal, or as countless other fake identities on countless other online communities where she bashes people who are uncool, chats with people who want to get into her pants but pretend to be friends or who act like she's cool, friends that she will disrespect and trash when she feels her own life is of more importance, etc; she likes to post fake arguments with her ex or other guys and lies on a punkrock forum, argue with people for the sake of being right or just plain makes fun of anything and anyone because of how insecure she is.

She is excellent at self portraiture. Don't let her beauty pull you in. She will talk about respect, honesty, self awareness, openness and all the good stuff... but displease her for a second and she'll get angry and run away with some snide remark prior to leaving the room. Displease her and she might even just vanish off the face of the earth and leave you in the dust without knowing what her cause or reason is. The best you'll get is "it's none of your business what i do with my life" no matter how close you thought you were or she said you were. No matter what you've done for her. She cannot handle conflict or emotional vulnerability.

She seemingly can't tell the difference between messages sent automatically by subscription systems and messages sent by YOU, INTENTIONALLY TO HER. (it doesn't help that GMAIL says "From Dysamoria to ME" instead of "Updated Blog Notice"). The more upset she is with something in her personal life, the more likely you are to piss her off unknowingly with something either personal or harmless... because she thinks you're attacking her (see above) or she hasn't told you that she's having personal problems. She clams up and doesn't communicate but you will suffer the costs.

She is very intelligent, skilled, very beautiful and great in bed... unless she's having a bad day/week/month. Then she hates everything, everyone and anything She values having a job over having close friends and lovers and is insecure about employment. She has poor reading comprehension and little tolerance or empathy for people different from her (i cried in her lap for hours because she just got up, said something crude and walked off during a conversation and it didn't mean shit to her how hurt i was by her actions - because i had dared talk over her, JUSTIFYING her childish and elite behavior as if she is all proper and prim - somehow i'm ALWAYS the asshole; YOU will ALWAYS be the asshole). In fact, she doesn't seem to have any emotions other than anger or fear and fear she will try to hide.

"Close friends" means fuckbuddy. All as soon as she finds a better alternative to you or goes into one of her superiority complex modes or thinks you've "disrespected her" - SHE WILL ERASE YOU FROM HER LIFE. She will block you, delete accounts, and erase you from her flickr/tumblr photo collections, web presences, ignore your phone calls and voice messages and SMS messages. She will ignore or erase or ban your postings. She will tell her friends how horrible you are so that you cannot get responses from THEM either if you ask for explanations for her treatment of you.

Don't bother with her. she is a great case of Borderline Personality Disorder, or worse. She can't be changed. She doesn't want to change. She will tell you things that make it sound like she's self aware but she's irrational when it comes down to the fine print or stress. Don't miss the subtle indicators that she knows she's cruel and hurtful. Don't think you can change her. You can't.

i made the mistake of believing in her and tried to kill myself when she treated me like dirt on the phone after a week of complete silence and being ignored. why? because after 3+ months of being together, i thought i mattered to her. She even said i did. i thought she cared. because i bonded to her. because i liked her and her dog and cats and her love of animals (her dog Hank has a profile here, too).
stupid fucking me for caring.

And YES, i am outing you, BRIELLE. You said you STUCK BY YOUR FRIENDS but you don't. You insult them and ignore them when it's convenient for you. You warned that to cross you is a bad thing... well FUCK YOU, i'm sick of assholes fucking me over just like you've done. i may be a male but i fucking have a heart, too, you heartless jerk.


and, i add, why do i keep allowing women into my life that behave like this? judy? dana? elise?

You tell me "i don't want to end up another one of those names of women you hate on your blog..." and the easy answer is DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE!

"i don't want this to end in a negative way" she said, insincerely and then ERASED ME.

trash

i get it now
it's merely a matter of convenience
how foolish of me

it's easier to be an asshole
to be selfish
cruel
lie

become "unavailable"

it's easier to be people like Brielle and Elise
dana, john, jana, jenni, megan, toshi, jefferson
picus, jenni's sister, mike the chef, mike the heather manipulator

.and.
.so.
.many.
.more.

choose your reality
erase people you think have offended you

but first the setup!
pull them in, or make it appear you're simply letting them in, even more clever...

bring them into the fold
showcase them
talk them up

make them feel special

"i don't see how anyone could ever think you're scum"
"those girls didn't deserve you"
"you're better than them"
"they're just selfish"

over and over and over
the same insincere trash talk.
the same LIES.

take advantage of them
fuck, be fucked
have your yank, get free orgasms
receive your so badly needed validation

have your "friendship"
sex friends
people you're "seeing"
"best friends" you betray

then tear them apart
or ignore them, or tell them off
change parameters without notice,
whatever. just something sudden and cruel.

"terms subject to change without notice.
we are under no obligation to inform you of changes
prior to their execution."

tell your friends they're trash
the friends you were trashing
now you need them again
because you've exchanged hates

found the lesser exposure
realized who sees you least
where you're more hidden
invisible but accepted as a member

the elite club of cool outsiders
insiders, who cares what caste you want
you just want one that takes you in as member
where you can throw out people you don't like

I GET IT NOW.

i can be just like you.
erase you, ignore you.
tell everyone you're trash.

i'm doing it now. wheee!

so fuck you all.
you're all trash.

makeup, clever vocabulary without logical coherence
hiding rotting sores
rotting souls
rot

zombies, trash,
monsters in costumes of worse monsters
for fun and for protection

masks to hide worse masks
portraying something better
something bitter but risky and cool
elite

rot

rot and flutter away with the leaves

waste your time surfing every internet social club
seeking an identity you can't fashion out of reality
look for people to bash in clusters of assholes, jackals
fan the flames, sham the blames and blame the truths

seek out that next perfect man, the good fuck
to bash later when he sees through your makeup

women suck
men suck
people suck
so do their friends

wives
husbands
whoever just does as told
without forming their own opinions based on truth

all of you
thinking you're just fine
better than
in control

trash
every single one

including me
because i can't be YOU.

victim mentality

Maybe a subtitle could be "anti-social personality disorder, revisited." This is an extract from an earlier article i wrote called "Do Sociopaths Deserve Humane Treatment?"

Victim Mentality. The oft cited and rarely defined term that i shall define and cite for you myself.

Definition: blaming the victim for being one.
Citation: those enraged by being sought out as a target for hate and anger (actively or passively).

Sociopaths are people with an anti-social personality disorder. This, boiled down, means that a group of them cannot form healthy and productive societies because their very behavioral patterns are against the needs of the group and for their own benefit (including when they appear to be socio-conscious in order to appear perfectly normal and respectable).

The very right to be enraged or even hurt at the actions of another make you a bad person in the eyes and minds of the majority.

Example:

If someone walks into the room and denounces your work ethic to a bunch of your co-workers, several times a week, while you're not around to witness it and defend yourself on the spot or call out your accuser to prove his or her statements or back down... you've just been violated. An act of social and psychological violence has been made against you.

"I don't play the victim mentality role. It doesn't matter what people think, just how good a job you do!"

Sorry, but you are just as much a victim as if your boss walked into your office or cubical and pushed a knife into your chest without provocation. Sidelining again, what kind of provocation would justify that response?? Were you socially and psychologically tormenting your boss by spreading fear, uncertainty and doubt among every member of the workplace to the point that your boss was being shunned, joked about, and at risk of losing his life-sustaining income by losing job simply because you felt it was totally harmless to do smart-ass gossiping because you feel intimidated by his work experience?

It matters what people think of you if they control, socially, your accessibility to the pursuit of success, or even happiness.

True Victims do not choose themselves. It is not shameful to be a victim.

Victimizers choose their victims. Most often by way of jealousy and self-esteem issues. They seek those who they feel are not a threat to them. Those they feel they can control or with whom they can control the situation and the perception of events. This is shameful.

True shameful "victim mentality" is justifying your inhumane, cruel and violent actions by saying "He/she did this-and-that to me, so I am responding in kind. If others get in my way, that's just too bad. It's not like I'm targeting anyone innocent."

True "victim mentality" is "I'm going to be rude, cold and judgmental to you because that's what everyone has done to me my whole life. Why should I be sensitive to YOU when no one was sensitive to ME??"

THAT, is what shameful "victim mentality" is. Point your fingers, and knives where they belong.

Who's doing the pointing, anyway? In who's best interest might it be to make victimization into something the victim should be shameful and held responsible for?

The victimizers. The one's who have control over the situation and over you. Victimizers are the ones who devised the concept that being a victim is "your own damn fault." It's in their best interest that you be "ashamed for letting it happen to you." As though to defeat rational observation (and discussion) of true cause and effect, they seek to make the effect have no cause but itself.

"You worked with him before, so why would you work for him again if he's so bad??"

Yes, that one is DIRECTLY from my OWN personal experience. The complacent gossipers and the ignorant and naive bystanders trying to cover up the "unbelievable" fact that they have missed something and that they think you want special treatment (or have been getting it). The people who were not (yet) victims of the sociopathic victimizer. The ones who were once victims themselves but failed to escape and chose to find a pariah of their own. Or several. The people who hate you and victimize you for reminding them of how it feels to be victimized.

There are entire cults who rant against the slaughter and immorality of World War II and human slavery. Cult? i don't mean to suggest that the people who find these things objectionable are the cult members; i mean that there are actually people who find it A BOTHER that these things are still discussed and that they must be such a burden since "hey, man, it's not like i killed any jews or had any slaves, so leave me alone."

"Those who forget the past are destined to repeat it" (misquote)

This isn't philosophy. This is concrete reality. This is human behavior on the macro and microscopic level. From the individual to the group mind.

The the most critical concept to understand here is on the macro level: the individual victimizer and his or her victim. The way they propagate by leading one victim after another down the path of becoming victimizer. A victimizer is a much more aggressive person on certain fronts and are much better at holding on to what little they believe is theirs.

The more sociopaths are allowed to shape the world around them to best suit their own interests (not the interests of the group, the society or the species), the more damage they do (to the society) and the more sociopaths they CREATE.

You've heard the rhetoric about what growing up in a war zone, or in prison, or being a child of molestation creates: it creates a replication of the stimuli. The victim becomes hardened from constant assaults. A hostile environment creates a defensive individual. Constant exposure to hostility turns defensiveness into hostility. Hostility acts outwardly against those who appear to be the cause of the hostile environment... or maybe anyone... because "HE didn't stop it from happening" and "SHE didn't tell the boss about the gossip about me."

A hostile and toxic environment creates a hostile and toxic person. It can do nothing else. You either harden or you weaken. Those who weaken are frequently used by other people as a comparison or consolation agent; to ease their own suffering or make it pale in comparison. What better way to make your problems pale in comparison to someone else's than by MAKING someone else's problems worse?

Yes, you may think it's all fun and games. Harmless talk. Chit chat. Gossip. Play. Ribbing.

Play leads to exhaustion. Exhaustion leads to lowered stamina. Lowered stamina leads to sensitivity. Sensitivity leads to vulnerability. Vulnerability leads to being damaged by "lesser offenses." And in the end, you have victimizers, formerly victims, pointing fingers at the lesser victims; the ones they can pick at and NOT be brought to justice.

Human beings exposed to toxic experiences during their developmental stages very often become "rugged" or "tough" as a defensive mechanism. It's automatic part way, but then it also becomes part of the personality. That's when it becomes choice. Many people at this point choose to "take it like a man/woman" and "give as good as they get" ...

.. but on the inside... they're rotting out and becoming a shell of armor which protects a wounded child that never grew up and never learned appropriate and healthy ways of defending or avoiding the toxic and hostile experiences. These people end up with Borderline Personality Disorder.

BPD.

Anyone reading me on a regular basis knows that i struggle with the understanding that those who have abused me have become abusive because they themselves were abused. i empathize with these people because i know suffering well enough. At first, they like this. Later, they feel vulnerable because i see and know too much. Then i become a threat. To their egos. Their "hearts." Their agendas.

A person with BPD still can make distinctions between good and bad behavior. i've seen it demonstrated many times by many people with the condition. They admit to feelings of guilt. The problem is, they feel guilt because they know what they have done is harsh, cruel, rude, or just plain wrong... but they never learned how to empathize with those they have hurt. Most likely, no one empathized with their own suffering as it was forming their defense mechanisms years previous.

But they KNOW. They CAN distinguish the difference. They can CHOOSE to take an active role in their behavior patterns if they see value in it.

The value, ideally, should be "because it's best for everyone."

The value, more often in the real world is "so i can have friends and keep jobs."

It's still a value.

But some people choose an even more selfish and cold value for external self-control:

POWER.

"i
w a n t !"

Who wants power the most? Those who feel they have been powerless. Those who have had so much done to them beyond their control.

People with BPD naturally seek connection to and with other human beings. They also defensively seek control. Control over the interactions with others and the perceptions of them by others. If the satisfaction of the human connection eases the fears that demand control, these people can move towards a much better life.

A better path than those who get no satisfaction at all from connection to other human beings.

Anti-social personality disorders. That's what we're talking about. Personalities that work against the collective good and which tear apart the fabric of society and human connection.

When the only motivation left for someone with BPD is to seek power and control over everything and anything... they have stepped into sociopathy.

When the politics of the current Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of psychiatric disorders dictate obedience and subservience to certain rules, process and procedure in order for you to pursue your goals, your definitions and your rights, who is going to actively fight a system designed to protect itself? The DSM is, itself, a victim of victim mentality. Over extension. Over indulgence. The scientific method is abused this way and so too the "mental health system."

So, to repeat myself: i reduce the great, grand DSM down to what it really is: politics. i say a redundant "fuck you" to the DSM and i continue with my questions to you:

Is there a way back from the brink for a sociopath?

Should energy and time be spent seeking it?

Do sociopaths deserve that effort?

Is there a point at which we stop defining a sociopath as a victim and start defining them as nothing more or better than a weapon gone out of control?

Do you murder murderers?

If yes, do you execute sociopaths for the deeper, wider-ranging and longer lasting toxic effects they have on entire social structures?

You try to filter "criminals" out of society, but what do you do about the anti-social people who have no interest in society or who actively seek to control and manipulate it? Do you try to filter them out of society?

Most likely you don't even notice them.

Some of you might be becoming one of them right now... growing harder, colder, more selfish, more power-hungry, more obsessed with control and "having it YOUR WAY."

Maybe you're already one of them, looking at my blog and telling me how insufferable i am. Labeling my few supporters as "goons" and giving them other labels that essentially suggest i am a cult leader and they my mindless followers. i call bullshit on you. You're insecure. You couldn't express what you felt when you felt these things. That's when you choose to vote for charity to known sociopaths: you chose to protect your own interests. So you lash out at those who look familiar. Familiar as victims and victimizers.

Yourself.

You the victim and you the victimizer.

Psychopathy and Antisocial Personality Disorder: A Case of Diagnostic Confusion

Regarding: something published and apparently ignored since February 1, 1996
Psychiatric Times. Vol. 13 No. 2: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/54831

"Written by Robert D. Hare, Ph.D. Dr. Hare, who has researched psychopathy for more than 25 years, is a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, and was scientific director of a 1995 NATO Advanced Study Institute on Psychopathic Behavior."

i wanted to introduce the topic of Sociopathy vs. Psychopathy into the materials present in Dr. Robert Hare's writing (both his articles found on the web, such as http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html and his own website and writings in print).

His article at http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/p960239.html is near excellent in defining some very vital reasoning on why confusion of ASPD and Psychopathy is a terrible problem. Yet, i see a terrible problem in the lack of mention of Sociopathy.

The DSM not only lumps ASPD with Psychopathy, but also does the same with Sociopathy. Sociopathy and Psychopathy ARE Anti Social Personality Disorders. More so, they DIFFER in perceptually small yet effectively VAST ways.

i was very excited to find the book "The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout. i was confused when a friend read the book and found it lacking my own personal differentiation between sociopathy and psychopathy. i examined the parts she cited and felt she was indeed correct. i had lead her to a book that does not go where i thought it did and where i have been going very frequently in my attempts to educate others.

i have since located some web-based material called "The Psychopath Next Door" which is reportedly Martha Stout's website (which looks outdated and does not indicate her name). The information on this page seems VERY similar to her book. It occurred to me that the process of formalizing her writing on the topic had forced her to change from the subject of Psychopathy to Sociopathy because the people she was writing about were not murderers, cult leaders or other such common psychopathic actions. It is fortunate that she changed terms before publishing the book, but unfortunate that it does not do near as well a job as my own talks with people to define the difference between the two labels.

Most importantly, i think it is VITAL that all of this information be brought back into public discussion, form part of whatever processes involved in producing the next (unfortunately biblically followed) DSM edition, and CLARIFIED to eliminate the confusion that is growing more and more rampant.

i have a personal motivator here. i was harassed, intimidated and abused by several sociopaths. To my knowledge, they are not psychopaths. Their ASPD stops at the point where they attempt to preserve their social status and maintain their adherence to the majority of laws and social rules that would have them filtered out of society, should they break those rules and laws. i have no interest in "protecting" these people in any way (i would love to see sociopaths filtered out of society just as psychopaths tend to filter themselves out after committing crimes), but i DO see a neurological connection to two neurological/psychiatric items that do NOT deserve to be lumped into the same category as psychopaths:

1. Borderline Personality Disorder. This is largely a defensive mechanism of the human mind in response to extensive and intolerable amounts of mental (and often physical) abuse. Most typically observed in females from teenage to about 35, is the claim of much material on BPD. Noted is the "mysterious growing out of it" effect that i have read about in several published materials on BPD. i find this irresponsible and i "see" what is likely happening: BPD leads to sociopathy, if not treated, cared for or otherwise halted in its tracks.
   
   
2. BPD appears to be a VERY common comorbidity of autistic neurology in the later years (between teens and mid 30s).

You see the process i am illustrating?

High Functioning Autistic neurology leads to much social (and often physical abuse) through the "growth years" and the comorbid condition of BPD establishes a strong hold to preserve the mental integrity of the individual. A worst case scenario leads to the terminal point of BPD transitioning into Sociopathy.

In case you cannot predetermine my personal bias here, i am autistic.

My autism spectrum label would most likely be Asperger's Syndrome, but the longer i continue to combat "the system" as an individual, and combat sociopaths and "professionals," the more i am forced to wonder if i am something slightly higher functioning than the high functioning AS individual. My self awareness and intelligence has made me feel rather alienated by those AS persons i have encountered in AS communities and the "professionals" refuse to recognize me as BEING on the autism spectrum (because apparently they do not grasp that austistic children eventually GROW UP with or without a diagnosis). i did not have a diagnosis of anything until about a year ago when i pursued the diagnosis of AS through independent research and a rough time locating professionals who could see beyond their traditionally myopic perspective of only working with children.

AS, and autism in general, has many features that are similar to the criteria for ASPDs and many are perceived to BE antisocial. Worse, it seems to me, from my own personal research and experience, autistic neurology is a potential catalyst for becoming an antisocial person, a "Borderliner," Sociopath or psychopath. The determining factors seem to be nurture (positive or negative) and self awareness (though that lucidity of self awareness is questionable in terms of how it comes about and whether it can be taught or learned).

My point: Sociopaths are more dangerous than psychopaths. They do not get filtered out of society because, as many have stated, the "dog eat dog" aspects of "modern society" seem to encourage it and getting "ahead" in society seems to be enabled by the traits of sociopathy. Also, i know MANY persons with AS and BPD. None of them deserve the mistaken presumption or sloppy and incorrect diagnosis of Sociopathy or Psychopathy.

The DSM needs to be moved drastically into a "spectral" format instead of solid on and off bipolar determination. i am hoping that interaction from people such as myself with people such as the professionals "in the business" (especially those who are authoring books and being read by other professionals and students of the topics he presents) will eventually lead to a healthier DSM and better diagnostic results from the "professionals" who use the DSM as the end-all be-all bible of "mental health."

The mind is the brain. The brain is the mind. Knowing how it works, and why it works in the ways it does, is the best route to a healthier human species and human societies.

Thank you for reading this rather long message. i would like to send a copy to Dr. Robert Hare, but the website indicates a postal address only for personal correspondence. i hope that this message is a little of both; please do forward this message to him if that is possible. Otherwise, i will have to use the postal service.

-jace cavacini
dysamoria (at) dysamoria dot com
http://dysamoria.com

why sociopaths are cruel / why borderliners are so needy

"why are sociopaths cruel?"

the answer may be the same as the answer to the question(s):

"why are borderliners so needy? (or, why are they often serial monogamists?)"

i propose a very simple neurological hypothesis that you educated people will dismiss out of hand:

Chemical tolerance to serotonin and oxytocin (two neurotransmitters known to deal with short term and long term feelings of love, empathy and the control of obsessive compulsive traits).

It's simple: once you've been in enough situations where your body generates huge amounts of "love chemicals," only to have the source stimuli taken away toxically, you develop an addiction to the chemicals AND an aversion to the stimuli. Love is itself an addiction or OCD behavior. The more experiences you have with the stimuli coming AND GOING, the more tolerance you develop to the chemicals and their stimuli. The stimuli needs to be more powerful each time until you no longer get a response to it at all. Persons with BPD need more thrills to get the chemical high (see my blog entry titled "The Romanticized Drama of the Endgame"). Sociopaths are simply immune to the stimulus (except for extraordinary situations, such as when will jefferson had his car accident and acted like a human being for about a week and a half before becoming even worse than he was previously).

In both cases, there is no treatment unless the subject is intellectually willing and able to accept the facts and use intellect to attempt to compensate for behavioral training. Many people with BPD are right on the edge of losing that ability. i've known several women who seemed very self aware only to find that they couldn't act on their knowledge. i would imagine the case is worse for those who are totally sociopathic. Someone with BPD WANTS a better existence. Someone who's sociopathic is pathologically incapable of seeing that their existence is flawed and that they should do anything about it (everyone else is the problem, which is the declaration of most of us who have been fucked over by sociopaths and borderliners... takes one to make one, right?).

Once again, i tell you there is a connection and a CLEAR and DOCUMENTABLE PATH from autistic-spectrum disorders to Borderline Personality Disorder to Sociopathy.

Now go look at a third party who has made some similar connections (though, not as similar as i would like, why must i be a trail blazer that is ignored as ignorant??)... not the same topic, but it will serve as my REFERENCE for those of you who seem to require references in order to believe anything i say:

Read here

(thanks, Carla and Sairuh for pointing me back to things i'd discussed and thought about before but forgot about)

That's all the documentation and citation i'm giving you. i've asked doctors to work with me on doing actual research studies to validate theories of mine while they use me as a research subject and a partner and they've refused. So fuck you if you want something more academic. Click on my labels and read my other postings about sociopathy and BPD. Then do you own fucking work... and ultimately forget where the idea came to you, just like i know it will happen when the truth finally starts to seep into the minds of the collective "medical establishment." Hopefully i'll be long dead by then.

neuroracism: still fighting to kill children's will to live

TO: The Entire St. Lucie County School Board (HensleyK@stlucie.k12.fl.us, IngersollT@stlucie.k12.fl.us, MillerJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us, CarvelliJ@stlucie.k12.fl.us, HilsonC@stlucie.k12.fl.us)
RE: Alex Barton's Human Rights Violated
B/CC: Friends, parents, family, lawmakers, Human Rights Organizations, etc.

i'm ... horrified... - No, that word isn't strong enough. i'm DISGUSTED... - No, that's still not enough to express my OUTRAGE...

Wendy Portillo's display of ignorance and cruelty is inhuman. i would hope she loses her employment over this disgusting act of neuroracism and intolerance. It goes beyond intolerance. Her students have learned, at 5-years of age, that they can exclude other children by force simply because they do not "like" something about them. This is the birthplace of bullying, which is mental abuse (and leads to physical abuse). This is anti-education. It is the spread of ignorance to those who are there to be taught. Wendy Portillo's ignorance has just become a powerful message of cruelty to those who will replicate it and those who have been victimized by it.

i should know: i have Asperger's Syndrome. i always have. Alex Barton at least has the opportunity i never had: proper diagnoses and proper care... but Wendy Portillo has sabotaged Alex Barton's chances for a better future. Because of the cruelty and insensitive abuse he was subjected to, in front of an entire class of peers and executed BY an authority figure (Ms. Portillo), he now has great potential to become... LIKE ME.

http://dysamoria.com

i was abused and harassed from day one. There was no diagnostics for me and none were pending or in progress until i forced my way through the ignorant medical system almost four years ago, starting at age 29. i'm 32 now. NOW i have my diagnosis. It is far too little and far too late. People like your Ms. Portillo have ruined my ability to function as an independent adult... long before i became one.

i was timid and had probably many of the same difficulties as your "teacher's" victim Alex Barton; the "authority" and the peers were judgmental and ignorant. i was victimized by constant "corrections," intimidating, confusing and illogical instruction by "authority figures" and penalized with horribly non-applicable "disciplinary actions." i was disallowed advocation, accommodation, compassion or empathy. i learned very quickly that i was worthless in a world of cold, empathy-devoid, hate-filled monsters. i fought throughout my entire life and i lost. The last battlefield was employment by Kutztown University of PA. Diversity? Human Rights? Unions? Law? Nothing. No rights. No support. Where there is no money, there is no way. Where there is no mental stamina, there is no ability to FIGHT to seek help.

How old is Alex Barton? FIVE?? We're talking about a CHILD. What chances are there for him? Are his parents wealthy and able to spend millions fighting ignorance in institutionalized thinking environments like your school?

i thought children were supposed to be our most precious assets and were to be protected at all costs... but apparently that is a falsehood ... merely mystical fantasy and propaganda. Apparently, it is sanctioned by "authority figures" to grotesquely abuse children born with neurological differences from "the norm" because "someone doesn't like them."

St. Lucie... Saint!?!? This is not a name applicable to a domain run by antipathy, racism, intolerance, ignorance and cruelty. What's the two letter abbreviation for "demon?"

There should be a warning notice on your website which indicates that children of differing neurology are unwelcome and will be tossed out like filthy refuse.

i DARE you to look me in the eyes, via my website and my blog, and see what people have made of me by treating me as your school has treated Alex Barton. Tell me that my life of suffering and abuse is acceptable and then go tell Alex Barton what he is likely to become because people under YOUR AUTHORITY are allowed to propagate fear, hatred, cruelty, ignorant judgment, and neuroracism. Look into OUR eyes and tell us that we are inhuman in yours; tell us that we are worthless.

"Alex hasn't been back to school since then, and Barton said he won't be returning. He starts screaming when she brings him with her to drop off his sibling at school.

Thursday night, his mother heard him saying "I'm not special" over and over.

Barton said Alex is reliving the incident."

You enabled and allowed this mental damage to be done to an extremely impressionable and pliable human child's mind. i KNOW what reliving toxic experiences is like. i experience it every day and night. i cannot sleep. My brain will not rest. i am on disability because sociopathic cruelty and neuroracism forced me from a career i loved and excelled at. The organ in my skull called a brain is failing because of insomnia, a lifelong struggle for those with autism, made terminal via lifelong abuse. When i close my eyes and dream, i scream, i yell, i am abused again and again by reliving remixes of the abuse.

Look Alex Barton in the eyes and tell him that you condemn him to a life of misery and disability. A life condemned to being "less than," living in an intolerant society that WILL beat him down no matter how hard he tries.

Thursday night, his mother heard him saying "I'm not special" over and over.

Barton said Alex is reliving the incident."

...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.

Creatures like YOUR KIND have damned me to a life of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, sleep seizures, nightmares, Borderline Personality Disorder, toxic memory replays, human rights violations, harassment, social abandonment, isolation and what is becoming terminal insomnia (the state supplied disability health "coverage" refuses me access to the ONE medication that can help my brain attain delta wave sleep, the only stage in which the brain, as an organ, can rest and repair damage from stress and activity).

...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.
...Alex is reliving the incident.

i hope your school's reputation is forced to relive this indecent event as a permanent public relations scar; a reminder of when your school violated- no- RAPED the developing mind of a fragile 5-year-old CHILD with ignorance, neuroracism and intolerance.

-jace cavacini
adult with autism, shunned by society and harassed into disability by antipathy for 32+ years.

this IS the dystopia

Those of you waiting for the apocalypse or for dystopia to come knocking on your door are wearing peril-sensitive sunglasses; this IS the apocalypse. It's happening now. Every day. Every moment of each day.

We live in a "nation" divided almost in half:

• those that are intolerant racists/sexists/etc. and those who pretend not to be.
• people who do things for themselves only and those who pretend to care about others.
• them that never follow through on promises and them that come up with excuses not to.
• sociopaths that wear masks of normality and sociopaths becoming psychopaths.

We're coming towards a new "presidential voting" time where the ruling "party" that's been destroying family values (while talking about conserving them) are likely to remain in power during the next round because the "party" opposing them have chosen a woman and a non-white as their potential candidates. It almost seems designed to leave the sociopathic republic in power while being able to say "See!! SEE!!?? They're sexist racists!! How dare they do this to OUR country!"

It isn't "our country." This "country" belongs to corporations. This country belongs to the intellectually, emotionally and socially ignorant and inept. This country belongs to the complacent, the old, the cruel, the wealthy and the indifferent. This country is slowly passing on ownership to the children it has manufactured to be JUST LIKE THEIR PREDECESSORS!

This isn't even a country at war with itself. It's not fighting itself. It habitually behaves as its told and acts with response to stimuli. There's no revolution, no civil war, no dissent.

In this "country," people who know you the least are telling you who you are. People who know themselves the least are plugging their ears and burying their heads when they act with selfishness and anti-social behavior. In this "country," this collection of cranky and bitter sibling countries (wrongly referred to as "states"), we citizens are expected to not think. We're expected to not demand protection of our "rights" as they've been defined by those who withhold them.

We're not allowed to show the slightest bit of honest emotion.

We are expected to never get angry, regardless of the cause and reason.

This is the way the world ends, kids. Not with nook-yoo-lar bombs. The world ends, bit by bit, second by second, day by day as people remain complacent, learning how to have no rights and no property by decades of attrition. The world ends generation by generation as the elderly pass on their hate of the young and demand the same social foolishness that made them miserable and hateful.

This is the world ending, quietly, under the weight of your finger tips as you rant uselessly on a blog, under the weight of your ass as you watch television and are told what to think, under the weight of your complacent ignorance which terrorizes the few who think, feel and make active decisions.

This is YOUR world and you've made out of it what you have by doing NOTHING progressive or even ACTIVE.

As your world disintegrates under the weight of your selfishness, MY world is being retroactively aborted while shouting "Autism Awareness!" on billboards and bumper stickers. MY world is never to be. My world never had a chance and will never have a hope. MY world is the detritus that you leave behind for me and my mutant peers of unwealthy, disabled (by you), former middle-class losers that you have beaten and abused with your "this is just the way it is" and your "a lawyer costs [this] much in order to try fighting to protect your [god/state/federal] given rights."

Bend down, fall to your knees and pray to your gods that you may continue to reap all that you and your parents have sown until the day you die. Pray that you can hold on to the benefits of your complacency before those benefits are forgotten and history is rewritten by the corporate warriors, soldiers of legal fortune and mercenaries who's services can be retained for the right fees.

Pray that you don't live long enough to fight the battles my kind have already lost (winning lip service is an anti-victory). Pray that you die before you are held accountable by those who rewrite the rewritten history, looking to put blame anywhere but on the shoulders of the giants who dominate this corporate monster known as "The United States of America." Pray that you die before there is no more nation, or, gods forbid, blood is actually spilt en mass, by enough thousands of organized individuals for the term "civil war" to be suggested (and then tossed aside as the federal military fires upon the citizens which pay it to build weapons and provide it thrones to rule from).

Pray that you never have to live a life where the body is forced to live on after the will to live has been long since murdered.

Oh, you do that already. Those people are called the ignorant elderly and they entertain themselves by abusing disabled people.

THIS is the apocalypse. YOUR apocalyse. No zombies. No massive dollopse of ketchup. No invasions from aliens (terrestrial or non). Rarely a bomb or a bullet fired on "home soil..." it's such a damn shame letdown of an apocalypse, isn't it?

Damn you for what you've made of my world that never will be and my life that never was meant to be.

elderly abusing disabled people??

"Elder Abuse" is a term to describe the abuse of elderly people. This can occur in the home (by relatives or outpatient-care nurses) or in group homes for the elderly (by employees). It's a terrible- no- horrible problem. Often these abused persons have no way of seeking help. Who would believe the "crazy old person" when telling tales of otherworldly treatment in a facility designed to care for elders when they need assistance?

It's all too true and all too real.

To make matters worse, there's another way of using the word "elderly" with the word "abuse." It is being discovered as another frightening and growing trend that elderly people are abusing younger people who have disabilities.

You read that correctly.

First, think about a few issues elderly people face:

1. Isolation and loneliness - not all elderly people have spouses or close friends, as these support persons may have died off. They're lonely and ...
   
2. Boredom - i'm sure you've had times where you felt like stomping bugs or throwing spitballs because you were just THAT horribly bored. Lack of intellectual stimulus leads to atrophy of the intellect. Combine that with number one, above, isolation and loneliness... you get lots of impulses to occupy yourself with ANYTHING, including things that... well... really don't matter. Obsessing over the lawn. Worse, things that aren't your business, like other people's lawns.
   
3. Decades of baggage - i don't mean luggage. i refer to decades of unhandled emotional problems. Problems which may have been marginal and manageable when items 1 and 2 above were not problems have a tendency to grow into monster problems. OCD, paranoia, insecurities, low self esteem, etc. These become pathological and dangerous to harmonious interaction with neighbors and family members.
   
4. Social ignorance - i do not suggest elderly people are stupid. i suggest that they are out of touch with modern awareness of things such as disabilities, which is the focal point of this article.
   

Now, instead of ONLY giving you my likely-biased personal examples, i will first bring to you the comments posted on a forum called "Butch-Femme" which deals with supporting individuals with gender role issues. They had a particularly interesting thread about cyber bullying and other types of harassment. i will quote the relevant comments below:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

hi there everyone

... i liked the information you posted regarding PTSD as a result of bullying, because i am working right now with a housing authority, fair housing officer, legal rights, & the civil rights commission [plus more contacts], on this very issue-

senior citizens have been doing the bullying- i.e., targeting & exploiting individuals who may have serious/sensitive vulnerabilities along the lines of mental/neurological/emotional- and it's been a surreal scenario because the senior citizens are claiming "elder abuse!" they look like neatly dressed senior citizens with fearful expressions and are convincing as can be- except - they've been caught in the act with pretty heavy duty acts of discrimination...

their "deliberate" behaviours: targeting; stalking; threatening; hate-crimes; animal cruelty; discrimination; and so on- have created personal hells for their targets because it interferes not only in the victims use all common areas, public transportation, and personal safety within that particular community, it's broader still- the bullies have "recruited" people from outside of the housing community- so- the bus who picks up some of the mentally ill people for example, doesn't offer rides because the supervisor is a friend of the main bully at the residental community, who has listened to all of the gossip, accusations, and- so on...

i met and helped a woman over a year ago [reinstated transportation rights, no small undertaking! she needed the bus in order to visit the market to have food-] - she had her "rights" all along- but has a mental illness & besides the bus intimidation, had been bullied for using the sidewalk, laundry room, playing bingo, et c for come to find out- humiliated, ostracized, name-called, et c for *** 8 *** years inside [and outside] of her community- it's how i uncovered the discrimination / senior citizen bullies there-

the senior citizens would ring up the police department [and fire department] and have an officer dispatched at an odd hour to the home[s] of their target[s]- for everything under the stars, although nothing was "found" by the officer during the call... the bullies managed to further add stress/anxiety levels of the targeted individuals by disrupting sleep schedules...

patterns began to emerge - the seniors contacted the police stating they were being harrassed by the mentally ill- and feared the Victims- were out to get The Seniors !

hypervigilant- not paranoid- targets figured out whatever they were blamed for doing, is exactly what the bullies were up to- it was projected: blamed/reversed on the victims ...

the bullies are presently being dealt with by law enforcement, housing, and possibly a trial is in the not too distant future...
...
909
x
---------------------------

End Quote.

Is this story shocking to you? It wasn't shocking to me. In fact, this was pointed out to me by a friend who visits and comments on my blog. He did some searching to see if there were other examples of my personal struggles with elderly neighbors and sent me the link to 909's posting. This friend has been a wonderful assistance to me.

Another quote:

Quote:
---------------------------------------
Originally Posted by 909 Pervertions

Is bullying of adults seen as a lesser crime, a lesser concern?

dear bardicsong

i found this question of particular interest - many resources/support systems often can be fairly accessible for [parents of] children &/or young adults who are experiencing victimizing- stressful-frightening- circumstances: bullying; disabilities; medical conditions; and so on...

the adult appears to have minimal apertures in some, but not all support systems- perhaps not so much with the mainstream groups for depression and/or ptsd, medical illnesses, et c... bullying , and the emotional impact [in addition to physical/spiritual/intellectual] for adults who may be dealing with a disability of some sort is more complicated at times, in actual presentation of symptoms...

the victim bullied [with or without disability] may be seen as a crazy adult who *should * know better- there are multiple scenarios whenever an individual has not the typical *coping skills * to begin with- bullying can create so many frustrations for the victim, who may be trying to stand up for herself that she actually appears as a bully...

disabled/vulnerable people are just the ones certain bullies target/seek out- there's a spectrum of bully-types, as there are people on the spectrum with autism, depression, intelligence, support systems, comprehension of what defines bullying, and more...

i sure hope this makes sense- there are excellent contributions in this thread- thanking you all-

all the best to everyone!

respectfully,
909
---------------------------

End Quote.

i couldn't have said these things better myself. Just for the hell of it, here's the reply i sent to 909:

i am high functioning autistic. AS, to be specific. i was directed to your posting, 909, by a friend who is into relationships research. This is what i had to say:

"This is incredible. Just a few days ago, i went out into my back yard to pick berries from my overweighted golden raspberry bush... i was out there no longer than 5 minutes and the wacko on my right came out to harass me about my lawn (which is not breaking any ordinances), my pale of lawn pullings (it's been sitting there to dry and allow the bugs to bail out, so i can use it for mulch to keep the weeds down where i have intentionally planted stuff, like the berry bushes), and so on. i literally fear going outside because one jerk or the other will come out to harass me. i even considered calling the police to make a complaint. This woman came out no less than four times and WATCHED ME from her door, sending complaints that i couldn't and didn't care to hear. i tried to take it all in stride and just say "yeah yeah" and not even look at her, but i shouldn't even have to deal with it. i resolved to tell the next one who harasses me "Could you possibly allow me to have peace in my own yard!!!""


BOTH next door neighbors are senior citizens. BOTH of them treat me like the problem is MINE. The one on the right is OCD and cannot stand my yard. The one on the left is OCD+ other things and has harassed me, outright, while working in my own yard WITH a witness!!!

i have PTSD from a life time of mental abuse. i have insomnia and other parasomnias from the same (and from my neurology). i WAS a functioning member of society, earning a living, working a professional job training people on technology use. The straw that broke me was more like a giant redwood crashing through the back of my skull, thrown at me by people i thought were friends and professionals. My immediate supervisor at work is a sociopath. He lied to me, manipulated me, and finally harassed me to no end. The dean of our dept., his boss, told me all kinds of things to put me at ease when i finally walked off the job in tears and later came back. Months later, because i kept my mouth shut like the dean advised, SHE was spewing the same crap out of her mouth that HE had been. i was told by others at my workplace that the dean tends to believe whoever gets to her first and my sociopathic boss was ALWAYS using and abusing ANY opportunity to talk me down in front of others (since he finally had had it made clear that i wasn't going to take it from him any more).

Both bosses showed neuroracism and age-related prejudice.

i have a lot of talk about it on my blog at http://dysamoria.com , but i just wanted to say that your posting, 909, totally amazed me. It also makes me feel slightly LESS specifically targeted.

i've known for a long time how people think about neurological disorders and general disabilities and i know the elderly have an even worse viewpoint on it, as if it is a chosen lifestyle. Both next door neighbors have extreme anti-social problems and psychological problems of their own. They obsess (OBSESS) over their yards and they harass me and intimidate, and threaten me about mine. When do they do it? WHEN i'm WORKING on my yard!!!!!

i don't know why it's like this (actually i do, i have traits of autistic savant genius)... i wish it weren't like this and it's driving me insane (as if being on disability from constant social/mental abuse hasn't done enough damage). If you want to use me as a reference example of the same thing happening elsewhere, feel free to get in contact with me. The one "my age" neighbor told me just yesterday that the neighbor on my left side HATES her (this girl is, IMO, quite like myself, but she has a stronger stomach than myself and apparently doesn't let it get to her somehow).

anyway... thanks for sharing that information

dysamoria at dysamoria dot com.

i have since been harassed again. The following is an email i sent to my local police chief (and soon i will share this article with him as well. For context, the two elderly neighbors on the immediate left and right of my row home have harassed me primarily about ... my yard.

Quote:

Hello Chief,

To follow-up: my father and i worked on my yards today after i came home from the hospital. i have cropping to do yet around plants i am nurturing, but the yard no longer has foot-tall grass. i also edged the front yard since the dirt was encroaching upon the sidewalk, then sweaped-up the mess.

Yesterday, before entering my home when my dad dropped me off from the hospital, i pulled tall grass out with my hands (while wearing my EEG) because i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in ways that it affects my neighbors; i don't want anyone to be required to tromp through the grass between street and sidewalk. So, i'm actually pretty aware of and conscientious of these things, even if i can't always act on it immediately. i appreciate your reminder and assistance, though :)

Also, i wanted to ask that you make a "polite reminder" to Anna that she mind her own business. As has happened EVERY TIME that i've worked on my yard from day ONE in Coplay to TODAY, i was trimming and she came out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to "talk" to me. i had ear plugs in to protect from the trimmer noise and i KNEW she was there to harass me, so i ignored her for a minute. Finally, after i could no longer handle her lurking and picking at the ground, i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was standing only 1 foot from me already). i didn't even get a chance to talk before she started "asking" if i was going to remove "those weeds over there" (pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND, while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY). i told her "Do you see me working here?" She replied "Yes, but," and i interrupted by continuing "i am working on my yard." She then started AGAIN to complain and i again interrupted her by saying: "i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go back to your own place." She tried to "win" an argument i was not having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away. About 15 to 20 minutes later, while i was out front again, Anna was "conspicuously whispering" to Rich's wife (the neighbor next door down, i don't remember her name) and i felt that she was complaining about me because Rich's wife politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without saying anything. Rich's wife's kids were playing with Mary's kids. Mary and Sam are on the other side of Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has harassed me, in the opposite direction. Dotty has not bothered me in months, though she did ignore me when walking past me as i was sweeping up HER side of the cement walkway prior to making a mess with edging (which i cleaned up).

Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. i know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel that her argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her husband in the ground. Her type of behavior is extremely toxic to me because it is exactly what i dealt with at KU. It is what i suffered most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my job because they cannot be satisfied. Ever. The next time she harasses me, i will contact Coplay Police and ask to press harassment charges against her. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like this, whether they are "old" or not. She's OCD and passive-aggressive and it's not an "old age problem" alone. It's an anti-social disorder, as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part in trying to fit into society. i don't see why i should suffer the anti-social harassments and abuses of people who skate just along the edge of legality when they strike just because they're old or not breaking the law conspicuously. i do believe i have the right to live and work in non-hostile environments. My right at work was violated. i don't want to continue having it violated in my own yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with the requirements of the society.

Please forgive my complaining nature. i'm not directing this at YOU in any way other than "you're the person who deals with the community as a member of the social support structure." i blame nothing on you or on Coplay. i blame poorly "trained" individuals who wont allow other individuals to live without harassment; you're not one of those problem individuals. i appreciate your help and your communication VERY much and hope that we can continue to maintain and grow our understandings of each other.

OCD reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD
Passive-aggressive reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggression#Common_signs
These and this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malicious_compliance are several of the things that abusive people have demonstrated while abusing me in my lifetime, among others, like sociopathy (not a great reference but best i could find at the moment since WikiPedia refuses to acknowledge it just like the DSM-IV TR).

Thank you for your time, your consideration and, most importantly, your patience.

-jace

p.s.: my EEG gear looks like this:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3111/2528464721_576de8328a_b.jpg
and i've updated my blog with a similar account of events... don't know if you still check it out or not.

End Quote.

Interesting? Boring? Sorry. Go read other stories about bombs and politics.

Unbelievable? Sorry, but it's all too real. i used to think that, were i in a wheelchair, people would be more patient and kind to me because they could SEE my disability. Maybe that's just not true. Maybe there are some people who just will never care about another person outside their own personal interests. i mean, wouldn't you stop and think a moment after your neighbor has posted signs on his door about not being able to tolerate further abuse and then when seeing that same neighbor wearing an ambulatory EEG on his head with a recorder on his hip... would you be more likely to show patience or would you just assume the guy is" a crazy adult who *should * know better??"

Human beings have a terrible habit of abusing members of their own species and their own communities. i fail to see the relevance in excusing anyone for age. Being impolite and rude is a little more universally understood than "autism," so why do so many people fail the most basic of rules of engagement when interacting with other people?

(excerpt) flickr: Racist and Homophobic, or Scamming?

UPDATE: this story has had good reading numbers at NowPublic. 600+ reads since posting it.

... i've been witness to paying flickr members abandoning their paid accounts to move on to other photo sharing communities after their complaints of harassment ... went 100% unhandled... i've a contact on flickr who was forced to move to a new account ... flickr staff has marked his account NIPSA. ...This contact ... had nothing offensive in public view... He was blocked, by my estimation, because he is gay and sometimes does photo shoots that involve men in situations of love and lust, trust and fear; the artistic expression of age old stories of the human condition. ...

... Why is a gay man's artistic expression censored? Is it because some insecure flickr staff member is uncomfortable seeing photos of two men expressing emotions via skin to skin contact? ...

Homophobia is racism just as much as the hate or discrimination of persons with different national origin or skin color is racism. ...

Now, a new censoring technique has been established: groups have had their administration settings modified ... without warning the group administrators ... members who's photostreams have been censored ... cannot add their images to a group. The only way this can be changed is if the group changes their settings to allow "restricted" content. ... the group is then AUTOMATICALLY changed to an 18+ group and is made invisible to the public.

This has directly affected me in a most offensive manner: i am no longer able to share my personal self documentation of my autism research with other members of flickr who have groups dedicated to ausitm and Asperger's Syndrome. These are groups of autistic persons and parents of autistic children. Many of my contacts and on-line associates/friends began contact with me because of my open sharing of my autistic life on flickr and the fact that they felt they had gained some new understanding that would help them with their children.

... The word "homophobia" carries a meaning and a weight. ... flickr is discriminating against me based on neuroracism. They are also negatively affecting the groups which have members who expressed appreciation for my contributions. ...

... i started hearing from contacts and friends about how their other contacts and friends have experienced similar discrimination (account blockage or deletion). Many members are edgy and afraid that some harmless upload will get their account deleted.

... Is this a scam? Is flickr crippling accounts just to push members into paying for another, new "pro" account subscription? That would be highly illegal. ...

read the whole thing here

references

force them to comply via embarassment

This is a follow-up to the previous blog entry...

Today i received three emails in response to my mass mailing. First, chronologically, was from the hospital. A technician informed me that they changed their software and could provide me with a CD with my raw data on it (like i had asked, over a year ago, but was told this was not possible). the second email, chronologically, was from Joe Doria at Covidien. i wont even attempt to describe. just read it below:

Jace,

As I have always said, the issue of patient data, and viewing patient data is between you and the Sleep Lab.

I have copied JoBeth at the lab, and she will be contacting you directly. I understand that they have offered to have you come into the sleep lab to review the record with the staff but you have not done so.

I would appreciate it if you dealt directly with your doctor, and with the sleep lab in the future for any requests which pertain to your confidential patient information.

Respectfully,

Joe Doria

i replied with the following:

"Respectfully??" Not even close, Mr. Doria. Even in your last email, you STILL refused to answer the same damn question i've asked sensibly and politely for over a year.

Jobeth emailed me prior to your email. She informed me that the software they have at this time allows me to take my data home on a CD for viewing on my own computer. Things apparently changed since the original test, but because YOU were uncooperative and refused to answer my very simple question about the software, and because you refused to facilitate understanding of your company's product between both parties, NOTHING was accomplished for over a year. YOU were contacted to determine if there was a technical limitation or a misunderstanding by the technicians at the hospital. You were not contacted to deal with "confidential patient information." That's patently absurd. You simply refused to cooperate for whatever reason (i can only imagine; laziness, sociopathy, apathy, disinterest...).

Unprofessional and unkind.

Don't claim to sympathize. i don't want your last minute hollow words of customer service. Don't give me the passive-aggressive argument that i "refused to go in to the doctor office to review my data." This is nonsense. There is no basis in fact for such nonsense because it is completely outside the context of my inquiry. You would know that if you comprehended my request from day one (or 20). i can only assume it's an attitude problem on your part; if you had taken a few minutes to actually deal with my very specific inquiry, this would have probably been finished a year ago.

There is no reason why i should have had to send a mass email throughout Covidien just to get this resolved. This was my last resort after dealing with a year of deadlocked stonewalling from you. Your handling of this has been unprofessional and rude and you've clearly been forced to take the action you should have taken previously.

You've clearly demonstrated an incapacity to empathize with the feelings and emotions of other human beings and such a personality has no sense of ever doing wrong. You don't belong in a position relating to the handling of technology for human health care. Unless you're going to admit your wrongdoing and apologize, just stay silent from this point on. There's clearly nothing you can (or will) do for me and this is my final message to you. Hopefully someone of authority over you has now noticed your lack of customer service and communication skills. It didn't have to go down this way. This is your doing. It doesn't take an autistic genius to figure that out.

-jace cavacini

i copied this to the kind person at the hospital and to the person who sent me the third message, chronologically: a person responding to my complaint of ethical concerns to the Covidien Board of Directors. i explained to her that her message demonstrated that she did not read the actual email exchange between myself and Doria because she quoted the same irrellivent nonsense Doria did (that i was asking them to provide my "confidential patient information."

How do these people even get EMPLOYMENT when they have such poor reading comprehension and why the HELL am i the one who lost my employment when incompetent people like Joe Doria are able to work for multi-billion-dollar corporations in HEALTH CARE??

Below is the exchange between myself and Gina Spencer of Covidien:

From: jace
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 4:40 AM
To: #Grants Administrator; Young, David; Lannum, Cole; McMillan, Wayde; #Covidien Investor Relations; #Covidien Board of Directors
Subject: [Fwd: Re: Thank you for responding, but i still need some confirmation: Re: FW: at least have the decency to RESPOND THIS TIME]

Please examine this communication exchange and tell me if Joe Doria is behaving in the way that your company thinks is "Socially Responsible," "compassionate," and "accountable" (among other self-congratulatory terms)...

i notice that your "socially responsible" and "accountable" board of directors and management have self-congratulatory bios, but not a single contact method (phone or email).

also, i still need a direct and relevant answer to my very important question.
--------

Spencer's reply (she was not one of the addressed):

Dear Mr. Cavacini:

I am in receipt of your e-mail dated May 29, 2008, to the Covidien Board of Directors. This is indeed the correct contact method to notify the Board of Directors and Senior Management of any ethical concerns.

Regarding your message to Mr. Doria and subsequently to the Board of Directors (et. al.), Covidien is the manufacturer of the Sandman equipment, but we do not have access to patient data. It would be inappropriate for us obtain your data from the lab to fulfill your request because there are laws that govern patient privacy, and we will not violate those laws.

I believe Mr. Doria has arranged for the sleep lab to help fulfill your request. It is my understanding that Mr. Doria has arranged with JoBeth Newhard of the LHV Sleep Disorders Center to provide you with your data in a portable format. I was forwarded a copy of an e-mail sent to you on May 29th from Ms. Newhard that outlines how you may take advantage of this opportunity.

I believe this settles your matter in a positive manner, which is hopefully acceptable to you. Good luck with your pursuit of this matter and, of course, your health.

Sincerely,

Gina Spencer
Ombudsman

Please note new E-Mail address: gina.spencer@covidien.com

That's right, folks... these people have employment and comfort while i have disability checks that don't cover my living expenses after sociopathic people (such as will jefferson and sharon picus at Kutztown University and these Covidien people) ruined my ability to function via passive-aggressive harassment, abuse and illegal behavior. Yes. jace loses. The disabled person loses to the privileged people.

Fucking spectacular.

As i asked previously: when did this become acceptable business practice? This nation is going down the toilet because passive-aggressive people win.

Don't let them. This is YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY.

malicious compliance and corporate america

i've spent months trying to get a simple answer to a simple question. the PDF linked below is my email exchange with a representative of the makers of the Sandman product used by sleep study centers like the one i went to for my own sleep studies. i want access to the raw data. the hospital techs tell me it's not possible. i asked the Sandman people if this was a fact or if there was a way i could view my raw data. the first time, i emailed a ton of addresses to try getting a response since there was no direct contact info. i received no response. a Mr. Joe Doria replied to my angry email about being ignored. i returned to being polite, patient and professional. i got a runaround. repeatedly i asked and reworded my question for clarity. i got a runaround.

read for yourself.

Joe Doria - Corporate Conduct - Covidien and Sandman Owners.pdf

i've forwarded this exchange to as many Covidien email addresses i could find. i wonder if it will piss off enough people to get me a response.

all i wanted was a direct answer to a direct question. i want help to save my life and improve my quality of living. but these monstrous "heathcare" corporations are not interested in the health and wellbeing of human beings. look at their websites and see what their claims are and compare that to the actual CONTENT of the website... stock prices. investor relations. this isn't healthcare. it is corporate greed hijacking terms such as "social responsibility", "compassion", "accountability", and "collaboration." Hey, where is the collaboration with the patients (the human beings) who are being treated with your products??

the image below is from http://covidian.com

passive-aggressive neighborhoods...

my father and i worked on my lawn today after he brought me home from a check of my ambulatory EEG wiring at hospital.
Yesterday, after he dropped me off from the hospital, i pulled tall grass with my hands (while wearing my EEG) because i my trimmer batteries needed charging. i respect the responsibility to take care of my yard in how it affects my neighbors; why make anyone tromp through grass between their vehicles and the sidewalk?

... Back to today...

As has happened EVERY TIME i've worked on my yard, from day ONE at my house, while i was trimming, my elderly neighbor Anna came out to harass me. She stood on my yard, approached me, attempting to "talk" to me. i wore ear plugs to protect from the trimmer noise. i KNEW Anna was there to harass me. i tried to ignore her. Finally, i could no tolerate no more.

i turned off the trimmer and faced her (she was only one foot from me already). i didn't get a chance to talk before she started "asking" if i was going to "remove those weeds over there" (pointing to the area i had previously started cleaning up BY HAND, while wearing an EEG, YESTERDAY).

i told her "Do you see me working here?"
She replied "Yes, but-"
i interrupted with: "i am working on my yard."
She then started AGAIN to complain and i again interrupted her:
"i'm taking care of my responsibility. Go back to your own place."
She tried to "win" an argument i was not having by telling me "Never mind" and then walked away.

About 15 to 20 minutes later, Anna was "conspicuously whispering" to another neighbor; i felt the "spidey sense tingling" ... seemed she was complaining about me. The second woman politely gave "mmm hmm" responses without words.

On the opposite side of me lives Dotty/Dorothy, the other elderly neighbor who has harassed me. She's not bothered me in months, though she ignored the hell outta me walking past me as i was sweeping-up HER side of the walkway.

Anna has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and is passive-aggressive. Dotty is passive-aggressive and maybe has OCD a bit, too. i know this because of three years of observation. i personally feel Anna's argumentative and passive-aggressive personality is what put her husband in the ground.

These types of behavior are extremely toxic. Especially to me. It's exactly what i dealt with at KU. It 's what i suffered most of my life while trying to "be the good boy" and do as people instructed. Trying to comply with passive-aggressive people lost me my job because these people cannot be satisfied.

Not Ever.

The next time Anna harasses me, i'll contact the police and press harassment charges. i cannot continue to allow people free reign over me like this, whether they are "old" or not. OCD and passive-aggressive disorder aren't just "old age problems." They're anti-social disorders, as in "anti society." i'm doing more than my part, trying to fit into society. i don't see why i should suffer anti-social harassments and abuses by people who skate just along the edge of legality when they strike... just because "they're old" or because they're "not breaking the law conspicuously."

"Bullying isn't illegal" - Sharon Picus, HR Manager, Kutztown University, Sociopath.

i believe i have the right to live and work in non-hostile environments. That right at work was violated. i won't continue allowing it to be violated in my own goddamned yard WHILE i am COMPLYING with the requirements of the society.

OCD reference
Passive-aggressive reference
Malicious_compliance (related to above and what i've suffered)
Sociopathy reference (not a great reference but best i could find quickly and better than Wiki's because Wiki's pedantic and inflexible nature of not including information that's not agreed to by the shitty DSM-IV TR. More about sociopathy on my blog).

(00:35 - heart palpitation, sitting on shitter, typing these recent blogs on laptop)