no one learns, and i lose to your ignorance

the repeating dream:
i entrusted the care of my cats to a household of other people.
those i trusted and believed in
when i returned,
no cats. nothing said to me
i had to ask about them
they were dead.
no explanation.
ever.

combined with the dreams about "my other house"
forgotten, abandoned, animals suffering...
where is it???

BRING ME THERE!!!!

this is hell. sleep, stage 5, R.E.M.
hell. most active and restless stage of sleep.

cannot focus
art projects
no rest
unable to
let things go.

"why can't you see that every thing's broken?
why does it seem this life's turned grey?
i can't believe in anything sacred
when i don't believe that i am real."

i am alone
locked in my memories
there's nowhere left for me to hide
but i am not real..."

"... why does it seem that everything's different
and why does it seem that only you are real?
i don't believe in anything sacred
so why do i feel so damned alone-

-i need someone to break the silence
that's screaming in my head
and in my soul."

-- track 4. wither, blister, burn and peal.
-- track 9 is even better.
-- maybe this is the best album they made.
-- you figure out who it is.

i am afraid
i want to live my life, but
fearful of evil abuses
like the 302/304
done by my biological parents...

they've learned NOTHING.

NOTHING

"i'm finding it so hard to hold on"

but there's no out for me, just more

PUNISHMENT