example of my "best friends" from "the old days"

This is a demonstration of my life and only aimed at Dave.

Dave Brinton wrote to me:

I am taking a week's vacation next week. I will be in Allentown from the 30th until the the 6th. For the most part it will just be me and Sam. Erin has to work and isn't coming up until the weekend. You and I are going to the movies on Tuesday. No arguments. No late night showings either. Matinee. The sun will be out. Sam takes her naps from noon to 2pm. That is when we are going. Just you and I.

You will change your sleeping schedule (or lack thereof) as necessary. You will take whatever drugs you feel are necessary. But you will be ready to go to a Noonish movie. We will be going to the best theatre in the valley. The new Saucon Valley Rave. Digital Projection. Professional sound.

This is not a debate. This is not a request.

I will call you Monday with the details. Whether you answer the phone or not is irrelevant. I will be there Tuesday to pick you up. Distance and time is not a factor. If I have to pick you up at 11 to make a 12:45 show then that is what I will do.

I will be there Tuesday. You will be ready. This is not an intervention, just a simple statement of fact.

Please, do not force me break into your home and drag you to the the theatre. I've been trained to do both and I can come armed if you feel that is what it will take.

As for what we're seeing and as a final statement, well, here's a hint: "You won't like me if i'm angry"

"YOU WILL [this]" and "YOU WILL [that]"

A friend of mine replied to Dave:

Hi Dave,

I'm a friend of Jace's, and he forwarded your email to me. If he disagrees with what I write, then he will say so, but I think he sent your message to me so that I could give you feedback on your plan to drag him out to a movie.

You have a plan that would work for a person like you. When you're feeling down it probably helps when someone drags you out to a movie. It distracts you from the problem that's got you down and allows you a moment of perspective to see that the rest of your life is still there, waiting for you to pay attention to it.

You want to help Jace feel better, so it seems like a good thing to do for him. I think your determination is heartwarming.

However, Jace is not a normal guy, and he's not just feeling down, and the rest of his life is not waiting for him. This plan is likely to backfire horrifically. Please don't carry through with it.

You have a thread of friendship based on a positive shared past and Jace is grateful that you still care about him. But he is a very different person now, and much more fragile than you imagine - possibly more fragile than you CAN imagine. (If you read about what it feels like to be depressed and to have PTSD and to have sensory overload problems, then maybe you'll get close to imagining it.)

It's much safer for Jace and you and your friendship if you give up the idea that you can make him feel better. It's not in your power. I wish I could tell you something positive or helpful to do instead, but I can't think of anything.

The bearer of sad news,
[name]

Dave's response:

The thing is [name]. I do not know you. No offense, but why exactly should I take your advice? Maybe I don't know Jace anymore, but I definitely don't know you.

I come to the area where he lives with enough time to visit someone else besides family maybe once a year. So if you are the person that makes decisions for him then I will need to hear that from him.

I've been friends with Jace since 3rd grade. I think i'm the only person left who falls into that category.

He does not owe me anything. I do not demand anything of him (well beyond being conscious, clothed, and preferably not smelling, but I guess I can overlook the last part).

Since as far as I can tell he can still see moving pictures and speak the English language he has all the requirements needed to at least understand the film, if not necessarily enjoy it.

Jace and I don't need a heart to heart. I'm not going to try and 'cure' him or any of that nonsense. I want to go see a movie with someone I ate paste with in kindergarten. I want to watch some big CG green guy yell 'Hulk Smash' while I suck down a 64oz. of my favorite beverage.

When not actively watching the film. My topics of conversation were probably going to revolve around Dr. Who, LEGO's new product line, and other Sci-Fi and Sci-Fi related topics. I'll even talk string theory if he wants, though that was another of our friend's specialties not mine.

About the only time we won't be talking is during the movie. Then i'll need him to shut the hell up. I hate people who talk during a movie.

About the only topics we never saw eye to eye on were music and women.

Which brings me back to you. Why exactly should I take your advice?

If Jace is planning on his life being over then I can at least rest easy knowing he's got 'Hulk Smash' stuck in his head like a bad song.

i replied:

because i asked her (or someone out of the four people who care to handle me a little bit more empathetic online than anyone in the real world) to do something. because my last EEG proved useless. because i have no credit. because i have no job. because i have no way to clear my reputation because of some FUCKING CUNT named will jefferson at KU FUCKED UP MY LIFE. because i was having my sewer back up in the basement. because the girl i'd been seeing just vanished (this is the second time now that someone i've been seeing has done this to me).

because i was not, and am still not, able to communicate (only i napped a bit between thena nd now) because if you force my hand, i will lose it.

"No offense, but" is the exact kind of insensitivity i cannot deal with, joking or not and i do believe i asked you to stop with the joking when i'm hurting. [There are plenty of other veiled insults and passive aggressive commentary in there that hides as "just joking - i'm NOT joking]

if you want to do something constructive, use your resources to fuck over jefferson, or tell [name] how WE can do so. Like, for example: is it public record to find out why someone left the military? i think jefferson was an insubordinate asshole, but that's not his story.

otherwise.... that's all for now

Passive-Aggressive, Holier Than Thou Response from Dave:

Fine. just forget that I asked.

An individual's military records are confidential and personal information. As such they are not public record and are exempt from even the Freedom of Information Act. I cannot give you that information and you cannot access it. Only a court order would gain a civilian access to those files. [all i needed to know]

[but that wasn't enough to beat me into the dirt] Regardless, I will not abuse my position for any kind of personal vendetta. [if you want to know about personal vendetta's you should research what jefferson did to ME which OUR STATE ALLOWED and FACILITATED]

Be careful who you send your emails to and the language they contain. Like the original one that started all this.

Sending it to the White House was not a good idea.

OUTRAGED ME:

so fucking kill me then!

i never asked you to abuse your position, Dave. i've asked people to make use of their resources before and never once asked them to abuse their positions.

"the original one that started all this..."

FUCK.

no have you fucking clue where this all started. maybe all my fucking life growing up with people like you taking the moral and masculine high ground has something to do with it when i played along and did everything i was told to do and i GOT FUCKED UP THE ASS. you're always so FUCKING ENTITLED, GODDAMN IT. i had a fucking career while you and everyone else were in school, now i have fucking NOTHING. you wanna take the moral high ground, FUCK YOU.

and fuck the white house.

i've had all the support from this fucking country i can stand.

AND

i didn't take ANY of this as funny. you know why, Dave? because this is how i've been treated my whole life. not asked. TOLD. not invited, DEMANDED and EXPECTED. There's never an alternative for people like you who have no empathy for the situations of others.

talk about watching what you say in emails......... fucking hypocrite. you "have been trained and can come armed if that's what it takes." bullet, in brain stem. go for it!

should i forward THIS to the useless whitehouse?

FUCK YOU!

[do they do sensitivity training in the FBI??]

AND MORE from me:

im sick of it, Dave. this is why i don't associate with john and tammy any more.

no one has a fucking bit of empathy and yet i[m the one that gets the pop-media bullet point "CAN'T EMPATHIZE"



FUCK YOU ALL

AND STILL MORE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP

you just hve no fucking clue, do you?????

come on, send me some more passive aggressive blame. i love it.

you ever gone weeks at a time without sleep or rest? suffered learning

disabilities that people told you were YOUR OWN PERSONAL ATTITUDE

PROBLEM?? BEEN REFUSED MEDICAL HELP???
F U C K Y O U

And another voice from people who GET IT:

Dave,
You said you wanted to help Jace. The best thing you can do if you truly value his friendship is to back off for a while and learn about the neurological differences between him and you. Jace is a good person. He is a very loving and caring person. It seems to be far more difficult for men to understand AS and the difficulties he has had than it is for women to empathize with him [i beg to differ, since all women who i've dealt with were just as intolerant but hid it until they were ready to leave me]. I will not speculate in this case why that is so. But please, even if you are angry right now, do not respond to him until you have done some outside reading about Asperger's Syndrome and PTSD.

[name]

P. S. You don't know me either, but I know what I am talking about.

remember, help isn't something offered; it's something inflicted by those who want you not to be different from them.