about my "donate" paypal button...
...it's there because i am disabled and i cannot work. There are people who are responsible for this. i've named them. They aren't going to do shit for me and i have no rights because no one is willing to fund the protection of my rights. So, fuck justice. i put up a donate button instead.
i'm embarrassed, but i am not yet finding a way to earn suitable income by selling art/music. Hell, i can't sell what i cannot make into a deliverable product, and i can't make deliverable product without suitable income. Chicken and egg. Catch-22. Oruborus. Cliche.
My debts are many. Several of my debts are my own fault (spending on art materials and studio equipment as a distraction from depression and suicidal ideation).
However, i DO own a car (there is no decent mass transit system where i live; it's lucky i am within a 2 minute walk to the Giant grocery store), and i DO own a home with a monthly mortgage. i DO need to eat, dress myself, clean myself and my home AND i have CATS to care for.
i'm not making it.
i'm getting behind.
i'm also running out of server space for my website, blog and email. i THINK i'm paid up for the next year, but i only have 100MB. It's ridiculous.
If you decide to donate:
i'm embarrassed, but i am not yet finding a way to earn suitable income by selling art/music. Hell, i can't sell what i cannot make into a deliverable product, and i can't make deliverable product without suitable income. Chicken and egg. Catch-22. Oruborus. Cliche.
My debts are many. Several of my debts are my own fault (spending on art materials and studio equipment as a distraction from depression and suicidal ideation).
However, i DO own a car (there is no decent mass transit system where i live; it's lucky i am within a 2 minute walk to the Giant grocery store), and i DO own a home with a monthly mortgage. i DO need to eat, dress myself, clean myself and my home AND i have CATS to care for.
i'm not making it.
i'm getting behind.
i'm also running out of server space for my website, blog and email. i THINK i'm paid up for the next year, but i only have 100MB. It's ridiculous.
If you decide to donate:
- Don't do it unless you can afford to and are not doing so out of misguided affection or guilt by association ;-)
- If anyone wants to fund an upgrade to 300MB, go here, add up the cost per YEAR to know what i pay for a year, then use the DONATE button on my website or blog, donate whatever you feel comfortable helping with, and make a note in your donation that it is for funding a hosting upgrade.
- All other donations: please use the NOTE feature of paypal donations to indicate what you want your donation to go towards (home maintenance, water/heating/communication bills, cat care, art/music supplies, health care, etc).
- i do not want anyone to send money intended for my own personal debts. i'm not asking for a way out of my stupidity, just some help with the stuff that disability does NOT cover that it SHOULD cover (like cat care, healthcare, non-food items for daily life like TOILET FUCKING PAPER, which foodstamps does NOT cover).
- If you would like to buy an art print from me, i am trying to find out a way to set that up so it's easy. For now, if you know something of mine that you like and want to buy an art print (we're talking official art purchase here, not donations, so this is like buying art at a gallery show), let me know via email.
Labels: commercialized, exposure, fear, humans, lost, respect, truth, you have no rights
posted by dysamoria at
5:07 PM
4 Comments:
Pride can destroy, it keeps us from asking
for the help we need.
very true.
what's worse is the feeling of shame. it's been beaten into me. i am conditioned to feel ashamed.
i explained something like this to my dad today when he told me there is no more money.
Sorry if this sis a stupid question,
what is it your dad think that you should do
if you dont have any money left?
Will he just stand and watch you fall or
try to tell you not to run away or what?
it's not a stupid question at all. my dad is just out of resources and he's under stress from all kinds of other family issues, not just mine. so we're going to just play out the path of what happens when people end up like me. i'm kind of not what is expected in that role, either, since it LOOKS like i could be working and earning a living... it's taken 30+ years for my dad to really see me for what i am and what i've become. i have little hope for much of the rest of the world. The person who knows me best is a person i've known almost one year now... because she listened(listens) and investigates, and accepts what she's told when it is rational and explained. What a concept. i don't think there's another like her out there. i wish i could feel like she was with me when she's not. i just can't.
advocates... they're valuable and essential, not just for working with the public and the bullshit, but for feeling like your humanity matters to at least someone.
someone.
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