the lessons i kept missing [EDITED]

don't love, don't allow love.
don't trust, don't try to earn it.

i appear to have finally learned.
primarily at the hands of women,

(with the exception of that fucking piece of shit
that was one of my bosses, repeatedly)

i suppose there's some universal role reversal in place
where i'm the bitch to be fucked and left on the curb.
now i just have to escape from the next disposal
before my purpose is done.

fucking tool.
just a tool

for heather and elise's need for validation, friendship and porn,
jana, judy and dana's "boyfriend-money" tool,
tool for [name]'s need of sex, friendship, love and a reason to hate.
jefferson's mirror to swear at, blame, defame, break and dispose of.

everyone's target for projecting their own shit
onto someone pliable and stupid enough to take it,
and everyone's well of opportunity to drink from
because i'm naive and needful enough to give it.

nothing more then a tool.

but...
what am i allowing myself to be used for now
and how do i dispose of myself
before i'm disposed of, first?

don't trust, don't love.
be callous and selfish.

do it first.
without remorse.

just
like
them.

because this is THEIR world,
made in their hands by their actions.

not mine.
never.

have i turned the bend and finally learned?